Cromlech & Into Oblivion June 16th Show

Cromlech are playing a show June 16th in Toronto, Canada to celebrate the release of their recent Iron Guard EP. Opening are Into Oblivion (with whom Cromlech share three members) and Traitor. Toronto heavy and power metal fans should check this out.

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Corporate Metal Labels Caught in a Death Spiral

Earlier this week the publishing catalog of metal mega-label Century Media has been pawned off for an undisclosed sum to Reservoir Media, a publishing boutique holding the royalty rights to songs by a variety of pop artists ranging from Drake to Lady Gaga. In investment terms, a boutique is defined as a financial firm that deals with a specific market, so picture Reservoir as a wealthy Wolf of Wall Street-like conglomerate recklessly gambling with the royalties of musicians. This is common in the modern music market, where suits are making bets on the evolving payout methods streaming services, but the surrender of Century Media’s entire catalog of albums (Death, Paradise Lost, In Flames) to a finance firm playing with house money goes to show how desperate the corporate metal labels of yesteryear have become.

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Malevolent Creation Seeks New Vocalist

Malevolent Creation are seeking a new vocalist on their Funbook page. The band has apparently fired Bret Hoffman. If you can do Malevolent Creation style vocals and are desperate to be in a known death metal band to validate your metal credentials as you have you low-self esteem, you should contact Phil Fasciana. Otherwise just contact him if you have a better growl than Dave Ingram and want to play shows despite lacking musicianship.

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Hidden Metal In Plain Sight

Underground occult metal blog Praefuscus Ferrum recently posted a piece entitled “Underground turned Funderground, and the Obscurantist Elite” proposing that what killed underground metal was widespress consumer access to new technologies such as the internet. These and the increased exposure to fans led artistically successful underground metal bands to pursue raw consumerism at the expense of writing transcendent music. D.A.R.G. points out that “the truest artists purposefully hide away from the profane eye” as the communication mediums the underground metal utilized (physical mail, tape trading, and BBSes) have been usurped by ones more accessible to laymen. He states the underground became the “funderground” in the blink of an eye as mainstream rock and pop fans who felt adventurous wanted rock and pop music with “black” and “death” “metal” production aesthetics, not actual death, black, or even heavy metal. Now the musicians actually writing novel underground metal compositions hide unbeknownst to the typical beer metaller in plain sight.

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The Sad Pandemic of West Coast “Black Metal”

Today’s American black metal has found itself right within the parameters of Poe’s Law which, when applied to this abomination of a music scene, would sound something like this:

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Tankard Belch “Syrian Nightmare”

Tankard vomited up a new track from their upcoming album of beer metal, One Foot in the Grave, that’s coming out on June 2nd on Nuclear Blast Records. “Syrian Nightmare” sounds like a lamer version of the already lame modern day Sodom to appeal to social justice warriors and Sally Struthers types. What happened to making dropping payloads of napalm on third world peasant children for crispy, cancerous death sound like trends mosh core fun for people in tight, patched up denim tuxedos and high top sneakers to mosh to? “Feed the Syrian Children” is incredibly boring. War is a natural form of entropy. Why don’t yuppies want to live a healthy, all-natural life style?

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Evil Invaders Announce Feed Me Violence

Recently and rightfully deported Z-list speed metal rehashers Evil Invaders announced on their Funbook page that they have a new album of trends mosh core fun coming out. Feed Me Violence comes out September 29th on Napalm Records. Evil Invaders promised to sell out and have lame glam metal choruses like Testament. You know this is going to stink like a bathroom stall at a truck stop with a few holes drilled into the dividers.

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Entrails Preview “World Inferno”

Z-list Entombed ripoff Entrails posted the title track “World Inferno” from their upcoming World Inferno album coming out June 16th on Metal Blade Records. Nobody asked for another Entrails album. Entrails albums are shelf-turds meant to take up space from better, more worthy fans. Big metal labels release them to flood the market and prevent others from gaining a foothold in it. Entrails weren’t good enough to make in back in the early 90s and aren’t good enough to make it now. “World Entrails” is rock-structured death ‘n’ roll bull diarrhea just like later Entombed. I would rather eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while sipping a juice box through a straw like a six year old than listen to “World Beater” again.

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Incantation Release “Rites of the Locust” Confirming Suspicions That They Will Further Bowdlerize Themselves

Incantation released the first “single” well preview track of their sure to be mediocre upcoming album, Profane Nexus. “Rites of the Locust” rehashes their past material into an ultra generic death metal song. The actual song sounds like it rehashes a bunch of licks on the already rehashed Vanquish in Vengeance.

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