Whiny Leaf Metal Singer Disparages American Workers

Ivor Whitten, the useless vocalist of the D-grade Canadian thrash metal band Anvil, complained in a recently published radio interview about how American workers are lazy and would all take welfare if they could. As many of us know, Ivor and Anvil’s entie legacy is their depressing but well marketed documentary on how being in a metal band is hard and they don’t have any money to go to the Asian sushi place near Niagra Falls after 20 years of playing generic thrash metal that was never good. Obviously triggered by the bored response the band receives at their American shows along with the tragic realization that he and his fellow musicians only were able to make money by getting people to feel sorry for them upon seeing their pathetic life story, Ivor foolishly proclaimed:

From my personal experience, in America, it’s pretty much taken for granted and people kind of look at it like, ‘So what?’ Because people in that country, generally speaking, are lazy, and if they can go on welfare, they will. They don’t have work ethics. So how could they relate to a story about somebody who keeps trying and being faced with adversities and failures?”



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Underground Record Labels in 2159 Ch. II

It was very late at night now. The moon was full, and the path had gave way to a blood paved street. Some very pale women and children with red eyes came out and played on the swings in the forest in the dark, giggling.  There was a shanty town, many huts, with a Gerry-rigged cathedral with Satanic stained glass mirrors in the center.  A small class was being held inside of one of the huts. he had heard of this place, a weird Swiss corporate enclave that had been on the route to Stoner Mountain since the early 1600s and which , strangely, still remained as part of Switzerland (formally), though it was in the middle of what used to be known as California, in the former USA.  Rumor had it that not far from this place, the tech titans had made a pact with the Satanic Illuminati (Octagon) to provoke nuclear war in order to further control the supply chains. From time to time, large amounts of cryptos had been reported (as having been dumped on the road) to GovCore.  People were likely harvesting DeathCoins out here, using biomechanical hydro power. Death coins stored up all the vitality of the people killed onto a tradeable digital coin.  Luckily, these people were more into the tech side of the system. They let the low lives and the scavs in other regions do most of the killing these days. Their killings were merely ritualistic at this point.

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Atmospheric Dendrophilia

Recently, I found a Youtube channel called “Atmospheric Black Metal Albums” devoted to what hipster urban lumberjacks have termed “atmospheric black metal”. We must call attention to the horrible Youtube, supposedly “black metal” sub-genre festering right under our noses for it is wholly different from the Eastern European flowing varietal.



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Morbid Angel Fail at Shilling Kingdoms Disdained

Former death metal band Morbid Angel announced that their upcoming crappy album will be called Kingdoms Disdained and revealed themselves to have wussed out as much as Chuck Schuldiner from Death.



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