Satanists and satans, Act I: Sitra Ahra

A short illustrative story by Lucian Fogaras

Jonas Peter Anderson strode across the deserted alley as the wind blew against his face, making his hair blow and blurr his view. He wasn’t wearing his glasses today as that would not match his personal and artistic projection of the self to the world: combat boots, black jeans, heavy bullet-studded belt, Ofermod Sol Nox t-shirt and a sleeveless black hoodie over it. People said that at his 33 years of age, Jonas should put aside the act, become self-sufficient and stop wasting his mother’s money on beer six-packs, vinyls and luxurious editions of occult literature from Ixaxxar Publications and Theion Publishing. But he did not care —his Satanic identity was more important to him than anything else in this world. Besides, it had been a long time since that fateful day 20 years ago, when he had decided to leave behind his Christian name. He only responded to Agnellus now —unless it was his mother calling him downstairs for dinner, in which case “Jonas, darling” would do. In the world of forums and e-mails, however, the International Satanic Brotherhood knew him as Frater Agnellus.
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Change.org Petition To Fire Communist Yvette Felarca

A rightfully disgusted Berkeley, Califorinia resident has created a Change.org petition to get Communist terrorist organizer Yvette Felarca fired from her job as a middle school humanities teacher in the Berkeley public school district. The resident was horrified at Felarca’s behavior in firebombing the University of California at Berkeley, physically attacking protesters with contrary political opinions to her own, and threatening acts of terrorism against the nightclubs and venues booking metal bands she finds politically incorrect such as Disma and Marduk.

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Heresiarch Prepare Death Ordinance

New Zealand war metal band Heresiarch announced their upcoming record, Death Ordinance, on their Facebook page. The artwork is by Misanthropic-Art and the album will be released by Dark Descent Records later this year. Heresiarch’s prior releases, Hammer of Intransigence and Waelwulf, were noted as some of The Best Underground Metal Releases of 2011 and 2014 respectively.

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Bolzer – Hero Diehard Colored Vinyl

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Hipster alternative rock band Bolzer announced the various editions that their godawful debut album Hero will be available in on their Facebook page. The diehard LP version will exclusively be available in colored vinyl. Bolzer call the color “semen/copper burst“. Inspired by what ends up in Bolzer’s toilet when they forget to use an enema, Hero shares the same color as the mushy results of vigorous, unprotected anal sex.

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Agoraphobic Nosebleed Hypocritical Yoga Pants

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Social justice warrior metalcore (formerly comedy techno grind) band Agoraphobic Nosebleed offered ass-printed yoga pants for sale at recent festival performances such as the social justice warrior and communist run California Deathfest. Yes, this is the same Agoraphobic Nosebleed whose menstruating, undergrown screamo vocalist Kat Katz slammed Death Metal Underground as “If Fox News and Lambgoat had a baby.” and claimed “this dude totally has it out for women in metal… and women in general. Yup.” What hypocrisy and exploitation of their own idiotic fanbase from the leftist z-list deathcore band unable to promote themselves on the musical strength of their terrible recorded material.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews 10-20-2016

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Death Metal Underground receives a constant stream of inferior promotional materials like a child is given unwanted Apples, granola bars, and candy corn on Halloween. We toss them in the trash too.

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