Sadistic Metal Reviews: Halfway Through 2017 Hammer Farts


Sadistic reviews by Linus Douglas.

Sadly apart from Sammath, some other Dutch metal, and reissues, Hammerheart Records appears to publish many moronic releases produced by poor excuses for neurons in hopes of flooding shelves like every other larger metal label.

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Upcoming Abhorrence Live Album

Finnish death metal band Abhorrence are releasing a live album of their comeback performance at the 2013 Tuska Open Air Festival. Totally Vulgar – Live at Tuska Open Air 2013 is coming out February 10th on Svart Records. Svart released an earlier anthology of the band, Completely Vulgar, that was some of The Best Underground Metal of 2012.

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Experiencing Chasmic Transcendence

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Article by David Rosales. This review is written on behalf of Akherra Phasmatanás, who so graciously bequeathed his own copy of the album so that its value as a promo investment by the band would not go to waste. He lost his harddrive and the review shortly before completion. Too busy later on and out of metal-reviewing circles, he asked David to review it on his behalf and to officially mention this copy came from him so that the band know he didn’t just drop the ball on them.

It is customary to start off a review of a Finnish death metal band by stating that they are Finnish. This generally carries a tacit implication that the band in question adheres to the particular sound developed more than two decades ago in albums like AmorphisThe Karelian Isthmus and DemigodSlumber of Sullen Eyes. Such a useful hint, carrying so much information for those familiar with regional old school death metal distinctions, only takes one so far and while satisfactory to the casual customer, does little for the serious listener looking forward to knowing what sets Desecresy apart and what they bringing to the table.

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The Difficulties of Folk Metal

Anders_Zorn_-_Hins_Anders_(1904)

Article by Johan P.

I’ve never been overly impressed by the folk metal phenomenon, which emerged in the middle of the 1990s and began to gain popularity some years later. I do not mean to imply that there isn’t any good folk music out there. On the contrary, there’s a lot of rewarding traditional music to discover. Many musicians – metallers included – have realized that their respective countries’ folk music reservoir is a gold mine for potential ideas to integrate into more modern forms of music. It was on these premises that folk metal was born. However, if the source material is to be successfully re-animated and be brought into metal or any other genre, it requires some serious work from the composer and performer. Most folk metal bands fail at this point for a variety of reasons, with the end-result often sounding like bad heavy metal adorned with folk-melodies that have been stripped of all subtlety to fit into a rock-based harmonic and structural environment.

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David Rosales’ Expectations for 2016

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Article (obviously) by David Rosales

Five years have elapsed since 2010, a year that seemed to mark a slight renewal in creative forces, a kind of premonition of a metal renaissance that came after 15 years of horrid decadence following the decease of black metal as a movement. By 2013 this force was still incipient but already showed potential for future development as acts with more refined views about composition grounded themselves in tradition, promising to build monuments to a past glory for future times. Musicians from the metal underground’s classical era also formed the bulk of this rebirth, either through perfection or purification of their own take on the art.

The last two years have seen a manner of steady output that is weakened in quantity of quality releases, little manifest presence to speak of, with a few exceptions. The same can be said of the years between 2010 and 2013. This seems to be in accordance with a 3-year pendulum swing as the small cycle of metal. The long one probably signaling stronger points of birth and decay – probably decades: 1970-birth, 1980-underground, 1990-golden era, 2000-dark ages, 2010-renaissance.

It was a different time, and when Slayer, Metallica and Iron Maiden were doing their thing at the beginning of the 1980s, metal was also at a mainstream high with many poopoo acts dominating the scene. When mainstream metal drowns in its filth at the end of the decade and the 90s leave them with unmetal metal like Pantera or Soundgarden is when the underground rears its head in greater numbers.This coincides a little with what is happening now, as nu-funderground and mainstream whoring like female-fronted so-called metal flourishes in numbers just as the shock rock and glam metal (hard rock) plague in the time of Slayer.

To make matters more complicated, we have the internet, along with other means of communication and technology that allow for pockets of both good and bad music to survive with less regard to overall trends. Metal is not yet at another apocalyptic end of an era like the one that saw the explosion of death metal, we may have to wait another decade for that, but there is rise not dissimilar to the rise of underground NWOBHM and soon after speed metal. The next ebbing of the tide is at hand, but not yet its climax. What changes is not the fact that there is or there isn’t more mainstream crap, but how much excellent underground music there is. The year 1990 was a very special time marker that signaled the advent of a climax low for the mainstream and climax high for the underground.

Now, that we posit the existence of such critical years does not mean that no excellent albums occur outside of them, but that there is a sort of genre-wide, or community-wide, perhaps, pulse that pushes general tendencies. Now, according to this idea, the next “big year” in the small cycle would be 2016. Below we give an overview of these so-called big years and some band releases we are looking forward to this year.

What are your expectations in metal releases in 2016?


A quick reference to distinguished metal works in the ‘pulse’ years. Not especially comprehensive.

 

1971:

  • Black Sabbath – Master of Reality

1974: (Not really metal, Black Sabbath is WAY ahead)

  • Deep Purple – Stormbringer
  • Rush – Rush
  • King Crimson – Red (Editor’s note: Probably closer in spirit to future metal than others)

1977:

  • Judas Priest – Sin After Sin
  • Motörhead – Motörhead

1980:

  • Iron Maiden – Iron Maiden
  • Black Sabbath – Heaven and Hell
  • Angel Witch – Angel Witch
  • Cirith Ungol – Cirith Ungol

1983:

  • Metallica – Kill ‘Em All
  • Slayer – Show No Mercy
  • Iron Maiden – Piece of Mind
  • Mercyful Fate – Melissa
  • Manilla Road – Crystal Logic
  • Manowar – Into Glory Ride

1986:

  • Slayer – Reign in Blood
  • Metallica – Master of Puppets
  • Kreator – Pleasure to Kill
  • Morbid Angel – Abominations of Desolation
  • Sepultura – Morbid Visions
  • Fates Warning – Awaken the Guardian
  • Candlemass – Epicus Doomicus Metallicus

1989:

  • Sepultura – Beneath the Remains
  • Morbid Angel – Altars of Madness
  • Bolt Thrower – Realm of Chaos
  • Voivod – Nothingface
  • Helstar – Nosferatu
  • Powermad – Absolute Power
  • Rigor Mortis – Freaks
  • Pestilence – Consuming Impulse

1992:

  • Burzum – Burzum
  • At the Gates – The Red in the Sky is Ours
  • Demigod – Slumber of Sullen Eyes
  • Morpheus Descends – Ritual of Infinity
  • Therion – Beyond Sanctorum
  • Sinister – Cross the Styx
  • Amorphis – The Karelian Isthmus
  • Deicide – Legion
  • Incantation – Onward to Golgotha
  • Atrocity – Longing for Death
  • Autopsy – Mental Funeral
  • Cadaver – …In Pains
  • Asphyx – Last One on Earth
  • Cenotaph – The Gloomy Reflections of Our Hidden Sorrows
  • Darkthrone – A Blaze in the Northern Sky
  • Emperor – Wrath of the Tyrant
  • Graveland – In the Glare of Burning Churches
  • Immortal – Diabolical Full Moon Mysticism
  • Sacramentum – Finis Malorum

1995:

  • Skepticism – Stormcrowfleet
  • Suffocation – Pierced from Within
  • Vader – De Profundis
  • Gorgoroth – The Antichrist
  • Graveland – Thousand Swords
  • Summoning – Minas Morgul
  • Deicide – Once Upon the Cross
  • Sacramentum – Far Away from the Sun
  • Immortal – Battles in the North
  • Abigor – Nachthymmen (From the Twilight Kingdom)
  • Funeral – Tragedies
  • Dissection – Storm of the Light’s Bane
  • Iced Earth – Burnt Offerings

1998:

  • Gorguts – Obscura
  • Vader – Black to the Blind
  • Incantation – Diabolical Conquest
  • Dawn – Slaughtersun
  • Sorcier des Glaces – Snowland
  • Angelcorpse – Exterminate
  • Blind Guardian – Nightfall in Middle-Earth
  • Symphony X – Twilight of the Gods
  • Rhapsody – Symphony of Enchanted Lands
  • Suffocation – Despise the Sun
  • Absurd – Asgardsrei
  • Soulburn – Feeding on Angels
  • Arghoslent – Galloping Through the Battle Ruins
  • Master – Faith is in Season
  • Skepticism – Lead and Aether

2001:

  • Gorguts – From Wisdom to Hate
  • Absu – Tara
  • Martyr – Extracting the Core
  • Lost Horizon – Awakening the World
  • Deeds of Flesh – Mark of the Legion
  • Averse Sefira – Battle’s Clarion
  • Graveland – Raise Your Sword!
  • Krieg – The Black Plague

2004:

  • Avzhia – The Key of Throne
  • Quo Vadis – Defiant Imagination

2007:

  • Blotted Science – The Machinations of Dementia

2010:

  • Avzhia – In My Domains
  • Krieg – The Isolationist
  • Burzum – Belus
  • Divine Eve – Vengeful and Obstinate
  • Atlantean Kodex – The Golden Bough
  • Graveland – Cold Winter Blades
  • Profanatica – Disgusting Blasphemies Against God
  • Autopsy – The Tomb Within
  • Overkill – Iron Bound
  • Decrepitaph – Beyond the Cursed Tombs

2013:

  • Black Sabbath – 13
  • Condor – Nadia
  • Graveland – Thunderbolts of the Gods
  • Satan – Life Sentence
  • Argus – Beyond the Martyrs
  • Autopsy – Headless Ritual
  • Profanatica – Thy Kingdom Cum
  • Imprecation – Satanae Tenebris Infinita

2016:

  • Condor?
  • Sammath?
  • Zealotry?
  • Deströyer 666? (Editor’s note: I have my doubts about this one’s possible… transcendence)
  • Vektor?
  • Voivod?
  • Summoning?
  • Graveland?
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Sadistic Metal Reviews- Mendacious Stork Edition (End of 2015 Series)

loosestool

One list of albums dictated by the masses of sheeple apparently does not provide enough self-indulgence and emotional masturbation for the hordes of mental weaklings that yearn to be called metalheads in order to disguise their lack of direction or ideals. Hence, here we are, clubbing away at one of these sorry piles of shit for the amusement of hessians. However, we also hope that the attentive unawakened reader may start to see a glimpse of the truth through outright disrespect for the inherently contemptible. (We have skipped some items in the original list as to not incur in much unnecessary repetition of releases, thus the odd numbering of the items herein.)

swallow the sun

2. Swallow the Sun – Songs From The North I, II & III

The term “doom metal” is again used to justify slow-coming boredom and lack of originality. Swallow the Sun compile alternative metal slow and simple grooves with the alternation of growls and the clear vocals typical of post-cuckolded Amorphis Scandinavian gay ‘hard’ (ha!) rock. There is an obvious pseudo-progressive intent here as discreet radio moments pass us by in a series of haphazardly-stitched, disingenuous grimaces. Radio emotional pandering for the pretentious.

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3. Draconian – Sovran

Apparently radio gay doom is popular at MS’ website. Only here we have a much more straightforward, perhaps more honest, attempt at the same run-of-the-mill pop rock opera. Draconian switches between male and female vocals, with duet episodes, themselves interrupted by long harmonized guitar lines reminiscent, at least superficially, of Funeral’s early work. However, Tragedies did not fall into popisms and rather took a more traditional popular music approach to vocals and applied it to a quasi classical level which may make one think of European early music. Draconian, on the other hand, stink of Barbie sex.

Shape-of-Despair_Monotony-Fields

4. Shape of Despair – Monotony Fields

Mediocre and dull ‘doom metal’ seems to be extremely popular. It may be that since the average music listener is a terrible one, and that they seek these sounds as stimulus for a purely sensual experience and so can only identify with very simple-minded works, however contorted their outward forms may be. Shape of Despair provide the pop listener with the ‘doom metal’ experience in the same way that Cannibal Corpse provides him the ‘death metal’ experience. Of course, this is the sort of listener that “listens to all kinds of music”. All is imbecility.

galneryus

5. Galneryus – Under the Force of Courage

One day little guitar Syu wanted to find a place for his neoclassical wanking and so created the power metal band Galneryus. Galneryus released a couple of comically-endearing and childish albums until the inevitable sellout moment came. After trying their hand at pandering to a more mainstream audience and wisely switching to writing lyrics in Japanese (realizing, perhaps that their main market was inside Japan after all, and that foreign fans would always be attracted to the sound of a strange and unique language), the band took a wide turn back to a firmly European style inspired on the likes of Manowar-inspired streamlined power metal with augmented structures that balance a manner of unpredictability without ever feeling unsafe and, of course, always remaining singable. Clever and winky, empty as fanservice-crammed anime.

8. Leprous – The Congregation

Groovy, syncopated, modulations disguising poorly-presented repetition, weird clean vocals, just enough electronic noodling and laid-back but ‘cool’ drums. This is the recipe par excellence for the multiculturalist wet dream presenting all forms and nothing but insecurity and hollowness at its center. Here is where the worst overproduced radio pop is peppered with jazz fusion gimmicks. Metal? Music or public obscenity?

moonspell extinct

9. Moonspell – Extinct

A horrible blend of modern industrial tropes and a sissy euro-rock basis, accompanied vocals angsty enough to seem edgy but just safe enough as to not scare away the wimps who listen to this garbage. The high school poser solos do not really redeam this first-world, spoiled-kid, macho pretension.

Enshine_Singularity

14. Enshine – Singularity

Basically, the sonic representation of the sparkly, clean-shaven assholes of fans of these music ready to be sodomized by real metal music. Lacking in all natural self-assertion or distinct personality, this is music for the bottom who craves to be dominated. In other words, music for social justice warriors.

anthropocene extinction

15. Cattle Decapitation – The Anthropocene Extinction

This is as ridiculous as pseudo-progressive core pandering can get. What is worse, this band is playing a dangerous game in which they may lose all of their audiences, or perhaps score with New York hipsters. Crammed in under two minutes you may find explicit deathcore and alternative rock passages, power metal leads, nu-black metal runs lead by duets of inhaled low growls and Chester Bennington’s evil twin brother’s whining, without excluding the use of high squeals. Basically, a puddle of diarrhea that clearly gives away the cause of ailment. Unbearably disquieting in its stupidity.

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