ANUS trolls desecrate Gojira website

I was looking over the user comments on one of our blog posts (mainly because they are often hilarious) and found this:

please i kindly ask of you to stop vandalizing our Gojira guestbook, you are welcome to our site for information but please refrain from more hate comments that are signed as members from this website.

sincerely
the Gojira staff

They’re referring to events like this (JPG, 77k).

According, ANUS has composed an official statement:

Dear Gojira,

Please understand that none of this is personal. You are probably very nice people and we would enjoy having a beer or two. But life is not about getting along with everyone. It’s about picking the right answers out of the pool of every answer, and using that knowledge to get better. Always forward, ever upward, and all that.

We encourage our users to vandalize, degrade, sabotage, guillotine, desecrate, corrupt, hack, immolate and sodomize any Crowdist information, which we can define as:

  • A partial truth. It takes some aspects of a situation and makes them “represent” the same situation, like symbols or social gestures, and so obscures the breadth of the situation.
  • It is populist in the oldest sense of meaning pandering, demagoguery, and “little white lies” that we tell in social circumstances when we’re not outright bribing people by saying nice things to them. It’s like talking a girl into bed.
  • It passively assumes a superior position. These thoughts need some reason why you would adopt them instead of common sense, so they pretend to be intellectually, morally, socially or empathically superior.

Gojira exemplifies Crowdist behavior. Your songs are written like indie-rock converted to powerchords and played with periodic violence, but you do not understand the metal spirit, its way of writing riffs, its song structure or imagery. Although you may be nice guys, you are (sadly) imitators and corruptors of the metal tradition.

Therefore, we encourage all users of this website — and any other website — to have fun vandalizing your Guestbook and/or rectums. Instructions:

  1. Go to Gojira’s website.
  2. You will find there a picture of a skeleton surrounded by dots. Click on the dot to the furthest right, at the 3 o’clock position on an analog clock.
  3. At the Guestbook, either (a) endorse freedom, democracy, liberalism, effete passivity, anal sex, miscegenation, watersports, incest and Gojira or (b) feel free to point out that all indie-rock bands who pretend to be metal, but don’t understand metal, are poseurs. Some indie rockers came into metal and made metal. If people bitch that we are too kvlty, just point out that we hate Krallice as well (they are also nice guys).
  4. Allahu ackbar!

In conclusion, I am sorry I cannot help you. But in the cosmic drama, we are on opposite sides, and all we can do is play our roles well.

Sincerely,

ANUS Administrator
“If it dilates, we want in.”

Maybe this will clear up the confusion. It’s worth noting that our trolls have completely demolished our own blog post comments, but they’re still more amusing than anything you’ll find on TV.

Mayhem Tour, Washington, DC Stop Review

I saw Mayhem play De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas, the only album of theirs that actually counts of course, last week at the Howard Theater in Washington, DC so I wanted to tell my fellow Death Metal Underground readers what’s happening inside the ANUS of this tour. That was surely an ironic choice of venue the band made there. Playing a black theater in a historically black city was strange for a band whose drummer, Hellhammer, is a badass drummer who hits like a fucking beast like a German in a tank trying to conquer Africa back from his historic racial enemies, the Polish and the Africans and Hellhammer is Greek or something so how can these losers with nothing better to do claim he’s even racist you know? Also practicing under their swastika banners and shit like that they shouldve brought out to steam roll all the drunk hipsters instead of comic book covers to hide behind onstage. I had to check this shit out to see if some shit would go down. I wanted to see if the gig would rule or if any crazy shit from hipsters, communists, or any other idiot life forms that could come out of a UFO or something would be real you know and prevent Mayhem from pounding my face in you know.

Continue reading Mayhem Tour, Washington, DC Stop Review

Thy Invocation of Hell Reprint

thy-invocation-of-hell

Malaysian label Afterlife Productions has restored and reprinted Southeast Asia’s first black metal zine, Thy Invocation of Hell. It’s packed with interviews from tons of legendary bands, all conducted in their early and formative years, before wannabe rockstar egos and commercialism took hold. Buy it. From the label’s Facebook page:

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Sodom – Decision Day Out August 26th

sodom - decision day

Sodom‘s new album Decision Day featuring a D-Day lyrical theme is set for an August 26h release on Steamhammer. Sodomites should prepare their ANUSes for more rehashed speed metal similar to Sodom’s prior 21st century output.

“Decision Day” track listing

01. In Retribution (06:14)
02. Rolling Thunder (04:22)
03. Decision Day (04:03)
04. Caligula (04:01)
05. Who Is God? (04:35)
06. Strange Lost World (04:59)
07. Vaginal Born Evil (05:15)
08. Belligerence (04:00)
09. Blood Lions (03:17)
10. Sacred Warpath (05:34)
11. Refused To Die (04:27)
12. Predatory Instinct (04:44) (bonus track for vinyl and iTunes edition)

Configurations:

* Digipack including doublesided poster
* Double gatefold LP with printed innersleevs, 180-gram, red vinyl, CD in cardboard sleeve and bonus track
* Boxset limited to 1,000 units: digipack, 2LP, poster, handsigned photocard, sticker, button, patch and a flag
* iTunes exclusive version including a bonus track
* Digital download

Sadistic Metal Reviews 7-27-2016

fat pride parade

The mentally ill delude themselves into believing they’re something they’re not and expect the rest of the world to fall in line with their fantastical psychosis. The Death Metal Underground staff doesn’t.

Continue reading Sadistic Metal Reviews 7-27-2016

Remembering The Past

international_sphincter_symbol

A long time ago, in a (mental) universe far far away, the Death Metal Underground was part of a collection of pages known as the American Nihilist Underground Society, which itself was a continuation of a series of dial-up bulletin boards from the previous decade and the hacker/trouble group that emerged from them.

Continue reading Remembering The Past