Russianvids Exposes Metallica

Youtube conspiracy theory vlogger Russianvids exposed Metallica’s connection to the Masonic-Satanic Illuminati. Russianvids noted many displays of goofy homoerotic antics from James Hetfield, Dave Mustaine, and Kirk Hammet. Lars Urlich’s predilection for kissing and tonguing other men is shown. Russianvids explain this is part of the Masonic conspiracy to condition the general populace into accepting homosexuality as normal rather than statistically abnormal behavior.

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#Metalgate: MetalSucks Commenters Expose Kim Kelly

kim-kelly-demonic-christ-shirt

Vince Neilstein and Axl Rosenberg of metalcore and nu-metal web site MetalSucks are counting down who they deluded themselves into believing are “The twenty five most important people in metal”. So far only two of their picks have had anything to do with heavy metal at all: Fenriz, who as true communists they chose for his working class background and refusal to leave his job in the Norwegian postal service rather than his music accomplishments in Darkthrone and Rob Halford of Judas Priest for being gay so MetalSucks can push the liberal social narrative to twelve year olds and urban hipsters with the critical thinking skills of twelve year old girls.

The most controversial choice of the two MetalSucks commissars-in-chief was crustfund false journalist Kim Kelly for being a female scenester and selective social justice warrior Neilstein and Rosenberg personally know. The communists appreciated her exposing “vitriol, hate and misogyny” and “nazi black metal bands” mostly in line with their political and social agendas for the leftist new world order that has hopefully just been vanquished democratically.

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Ukrainian Zoo Erects Tom Araya Statue


Article contributed to Death Metal Underground by Seth Berg.

A zoo in Demidiv, Ukraine has recently revealed a statue of speed/death metal godfather Tom Araya as well as a pillar featuring lyrics from Slayer‘s classic “Dead Skin Mask” off Seasons in the Abyss. Hats off to the folks at XII Months zoo for accomplishing something that will help introduce the next generation (and probably sections of the current youth demographic) to an essential band. Perhaps this will mean that certain children in Ukraine will be exposed to quality metal first rather than the turds that float to the top in media and plant a seed that will help ensure that up and coming hessians aren’t complete modern metal bozos.

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Liberal Music Fans Fooled by Grindcore Charity Deception

A massive amount of gullible liberal retards have fallen for a masterful charity deception running on Bandcamp via a “grindcore band” called Anal Trump. The band’s new album If you Want to Qualify for Health Insurance, Then Maybe You Should Have Gotten Raped? currently is the service’s top selling album despite the entire album being less than 60 seconds and offering virtually no music content. Priced at $5.00 (though users are able to pay more), the band claims 100% of “net proceeds” will be donated to the charity RAINN. This is in fact a cleverly worded deception as Bandcamp’s payout model takes 15% of all sales plus a processing fee (varying based on the amount), meaning that instead of donating $5.00 directly to the charity and getting nothing in return, users are donating $3.95 to the charity and $1.05 to Bandcamp and getting nothing in return.

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MetalSucks Editor Publishes Love of Nazism

Article contributed to Death Metal Underground by Cullen Toner.

Longtime MetalSucks editor and self-proclaimed snowflake Emperor Rhombus released a 1,256 word editorial professing his love for Nazi culture and aesthetics on the site’s apparently unregulated front page. The move was seen as an obvious reach to the NatSoc community as MetalSucks attempts to appease the young users of the glowingly popular 4chan image boards by creating articles to reflect the national socialist posts on /pol. The article was immediately praised by the legions of anti-Semites that frequent the site’s comment’s section as they proclaiming their support of the site’s newfound Nazi sympathy with comments like “Hitler did nothing wrong” and “(Emperor Rhombus) knows what is good for the goyim.”

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Euronymous: Black Metal’s First Hipster


Article contributed to Death Metal Underground by Cullen Toner.

Many of the pariahs seen infesting contemporary American black metal – communism, narcissism, an illusion of extremism – can be traced back to one man: Euroynmous of Mayhem.
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Kim Kelly Whines; Facebook Censors Fan Page

Facebook deleted the  hilarious “Kim Kelly’s Hand” fan page that a few Death Metal Underground readers made in awe of her claw hand and how she is able to type ever-flowing streams of diarrhea despite such a hideous deformity. Facebook accused those few hilarious metal heads of bullying. Apparently jabs at a public figure are not allowed on Facebook’s socialist worker’s playplace. Kim Kelly is the crustfund communist Vice Noisey fake journalist, serial liar, alleged groupie, and supposedly hypocritical racist trying to ruin the careers of metal bands she finds politically objectionable. Kelly called Dismember and Cannibal Corpse sexist and constantly shills for crappy crossover thrash, noise rock, hipster whine rock, and female-fronted deathcore bands.

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