Poverty is the Price for Metal Stardom

The Talk:

Every metal musician needs to have “The Talk” at some point or another and for some of you, this will be that moment.  In the world of metal, “The Talk” is the soul crashing, dream obliterating conversation where one learns the valuable lesson that you can’t get rich playing extreme metal.  It’s heartbreaking and defeating but better learned sooner than later.  And since a young ambitious musician isn’t necessarily considering the logistics, lifestyle goals, etc. of their future before they drill on that pentagram neck tattoo, I want to make sure readers of DMU are abundantly clear on what to expect on the financial front when engaging in life as a touring musician.
(more…)

40 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Elegiac Black Clouds of War 2018

Elegiac is a one man band from California formed in 2014 by sole composer Zane Young, whom has released a large number of records under the name of Elegiac- far too much for any band yet alone a one man band.  Like many bands of this generation, Elegiac play a basic form of black metal that can be described as the bastard child of Bathory, Satanic Warmaster and generic modern rock.  This is not what one expects from USBM at all despite their promo toting this release as the return of the micro genre’s glory days.
(more…)

10 Comments

Tags: , , , , ,

Sadistic Metal Reviews: Chevy Chase Chainsaw Massacre

Twas the 5th day before Christmas, and all through the house, the creatures stared concerned and suddenly in need of psychiatric therapy.  My wife said I have that crazy look in my eye, as my boss had jipped me on my Christmas bonus- the holiest thing of the American middle class baby boomer.  The urge to kill left me trembling, barely able to stand, and I frantically raced to the garage and grabbed my chainsaw and son’s hockey mask.  As the voices got louder, I found myself speaking in tongues- vocalizing a string of obscenities as if possessed by otherworldly entities.  In an attempt to quiet the deafening commands to kill, I remembered that death metal was an outlet that had saved me years before.  But it was 2017, and I did not know what the new death metal sounded like.  But I had heard that Bandcamp were going to save the world with their social justice, so I thought I would listen to the top selling death metal bands on the first page of Bandcamp.  Surely they had the most sales, and therefore were the most trustworthy, and true to the old death metal sound.  I decided to download all 8 albums and burn to CD to listen to on my Walkman CD player.  But when I heard…. when I heard… when I heard…

(more…)

14 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Sadistic Metal Reviews: 12-3-2017

(more…)

6 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Choose Your Own Black Dahlia Murder Adventure

The Black Dahlia Murder think that they’re the new Bolt Thrower. Nowhere in space and grind does that make any sense. It’s time for a new short story. You guys will vote on what happens next. A new chapter will go up every day until the weekend.

(more…)

15 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sadistic Metal Reviews: Against Maoist Picks for 2017


Reviews by Linus Douglas.

Maoist metalcore fan Vince Neilstein has defecated upon the Internet once more by displaying the gaping asshole of his mind in an attempt to make mid-year “metal” recommendations in 2017. Like most of that Communist website’s picks, Neilstein is catering to a communist agenda on the one hand, and being a bitch to the monetary interests of the Guevarean movement of good-for-nothings by picking big label turds.

(more…)

6 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sadistic Metal Reviews: Grey Clouds of Boredom

(more…)

36 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sadistic Metal Reviews: Blood Muzak’s Best

Poseur cash grab Finnish label Blood Music posted his favorites albums of 2017 recently on his Mosh Core Trends Fun book page. Nobody needs a 24 LP boxed set of Emperor (Only need In the Nightside Eclipse and Wrath of the Tyrant / Emperor compilation CD) featuring rehearsals of Ihsahn’s mom telling Emperor to stop dressing up like The Lost Boys and nobody needs anything on this poseur’s shilling list. Nobody wants to pay to join Blood Music’s fan club to buy his hipster merchandise. Blood Music should go shoot himself. A hollow point to the back of the head gets the job done as he has to blow up his shill lizard brain to make sure he dies for good. Do it.

(more…)

44 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,