Tankard Belch “Syrian Nightmare”

Tankard vomited up a new track from their upcoming album of beer metal, One Foot in the Grave, that’s coming out on June 2nd on Nuclear Blast Records. “Syrian Nightmare” sounds like a lamer version of the already lame modern day Sodom to appeal to social justice warriors and Sally Struthers types. What happened to making dropping payloads of napalm on third world peasant children for crispy, cancerous death sound like trends mosh core fun for people in tight, patched up denim tuxedos and high top sneakers to mosh to? “Feed the Syrian Children” is incredibly boring. War is a natural form of entropy. Why don’t yuppies want to live a healthy, all-natural life style?

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Evil Invaders Announce Feed Me Violence

Recently and rightfully deported Z-list speed metal rehashers Evil Invaders announced on their Funbook page that they have a new album of trends mosh core fun coming out. Feed Me Violence comes out September 29th on Napalm Records. Evil Invaders promised to sell out and have lame glam metal choruses like Testament. You know this is going to stink like a bathroom stall at a truck stop with a few holes drilled into the dividers.

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Entrails Preview “World Inferno”

Z-list Entombed ripoff Entrails posted the title track “World Inferno” from their upcoming World Inferno album coming out June 16th on Metal Blade Records. Nobody asked for another Entrails album. Entrails albums are shelf-turds meant to take up space from better, more worthy fans. Big metal labels release them to flood the market and prevent others from gaining a foothold in it. Entrails weren’t good enough to make in back in the early 90s and aren’t good enough to make it now. “World Entrails” is rock-structured death ‘n’ roll bull diarrhea just like later Entombed. I would rather eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while sipping a juice box through a straw like a six year old than listen to “World Beater” again.

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Incantation Release “Rites of the Locust” Confirming Suspicions That They Will Further Bowdlerize Themselves

Incantation released the first “single” well preview track of their sure to be mediocre upcoming album, Profane Nexus. “Rites of the Locust” rehashes their past material into an ultra generic death metal song. The actual song sounds like it rehashes a bunch of licks on the already rehashed Vanquish in Vengeance.

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LG Petrov Insists He Still Has Rights to Entombed Name

Original Entombed vocalist Lars-Göran Petrov insists he still has a right to use the Entombed name as an original member of the band despite losing a trademark despite in Swedish court  to lead guitarist Alex Hellid and the other original members according to a Swedish press release translated by Blabbermouth. Petrov insists that the court said the rights to the name and trademark due not just reside with Hellid (the only original member to never leave Entombed) or himself (the only original member still regularly touring as Entombed A.D.) but belong to all of the original members of Entombed in common.

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Cóndor East Coast Tour

Acclaimed progressive rock and heavy/death metal band Cóndor are touring the east coast of the United Stated next month with techdeaf Morbid Angel worshipers Garroted. This will be a good chance for seasoned headbangers to check out an accomplished band with enough quality material to make for a great live set and an up-and-coming run of the mill band that can play their instruments. Garroted could potentially improve in the future if they compose their riffs into effective death metal mazes that progress forward instead of simply playing them one after the other.

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Death Yell Premiere “Soulless” From Upcoming Descent Into Hell

Chilean death metal band Death Yell premiered a new track off their upcoming debut album Descent Into Hell, which comes out in August on Hells Headbangers. “Soulless” is an unremarkable but inoffensive riff salad. I don’t remember anything about five minutes after listening to it twice other than it reminded me more of Teutonic speed metal than death metal. The album probably won’t be that great and Death Yell will probably end up opening for other Chilean bands such as Pentagram (Chile), Ripper or Unaussprechlichen Kulten.

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