Hipster “metal” is not metal

Total hipster doublejargon:

Boris [has not been a] heavy metal band at all. From the first day, we have never called ourselves as heavy metal. However, we are totally fine if everyone calls us a heavy metal band. We have been doing what we like and as a result we welcome if everyone says so, puts a tag on us or categorizes in specific genre. – Phoenix New Times

We aren’t, but if our fans are stupid and insist upon it, then that’s real to them and we are. For dollars.


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Demoncy “Enthroned is the Night” release date set

Demoncy “Enthroned Is The Night” Update

Everything should be ready to put this to press by late next week. Rough estimated release time for this is now end of November/early December. Thanks to all who have preordered and who are planning on preordering.

Graveland – Following The Voice Of Blood CD is now being pushed back to end of December. Preorders will start December 1st.

Forever Plagued Records



A semi-heroic act

From the distant files:

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A man has pleaded guilty to threatening to kill members of the band Korn.

Adrian McCoy, of Sacramento, pleaded guilty in federal court last Friday to threatening the band.

The prosecutor told ABC23 that McCoy made threats on a metal underground-related Web site in January of 2006. While metalunderground.com did not confirm if McCoy made threats against Korn on their site, one user using the name, LordAgony, was kicked off the site at that time for making threats against the band, saying he wanted the band destroyed.

On Jan. 7, 2006, LordAgony wrote, “You cannot possibly fathom how much I wish to utterly destroy this band….”

Specifically, the prosecutor said McCoy threatened to slit the band members’ throats and kill their family members.

McCoy’s attorney said in court that his client was taking medication for mental issues. – Channel 23

Semi-heroic, in that it was talked about, not done.

But still, should killing numus be illegal, when we have 7 billion humans?



“A Day of Death” rebroadcast

One-time only rebroadcast of the streaming video of A Day of Death (July 16, 2011). Final chance to see the entire event. Whether you missed it or attended it and want to relive it for another day, you have one more chance to see Kam Lee join Druid Lord on stage, one more chance to see Kam Lee join Derketa on stage, one last chance to see Kam Lee perform “From Beyond” in its entirety.

$10 via Paypal to glorioustimesdeathbook@gma​il.com (no later than Friday, July 29 at 10 pm est) link and password will be sent via email approximately 1-2 hours before the event airs. Grab some beers, invite the friends over and enjoy this once in a lifetime event, some of the bands of the day will be available in the chat room throughout the rebroadcast.


  • Lethal Aggression (only part of their set was streamed)
  • Hubris
  • Seplophile
  • Resist Control
  • Sam Biles
  • Avulsion
  • Goatcraft
  • Druid Lord
  • Derketa
  • Rottrevore
  • Deceased
  • Insanity
  • Nokturnel
  • Kam Lee
  • plus a surprise or two thrown in for this special rebroadcast.

For more information, see the FaleBook page.

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Calling Opeth gay is an insult to homosexuals

Trollsk, arise!

Obviously everything that follows in that link is troll material. This part especially sounds like it was written by someone who barely once listened to half of a song and decided that they are crap:

Opeth “sounds like” prog even if it has none of what made prog great: real musical development, song structures that build upon themes instead of being random, and truly mindblowing chops.

And I’m pretty sure I’ve never read or heard anything about Mike saying they are a progressive death metal band (though they most certainly are imo), but rather just a death metal band so really the foundation of that article, which is to slam their approach to prog music, falls upon itself. Fakken trolls they troll don’t like em – ANUS topic at official Opeth forum

The trivialist band OPETH, who specialize in making boring simple death metal “sound like” progressive rock so that emosexual manpanties neurotic tweebo children of divorced homes and failed lives can cry together, and then consider themselves smarter than the rest of us peons, make their money selling what’s basically warmed over Dave Matthews Band songs with death metal riffs (sometimes). The foolish, unaware, uneducated, illiterate, inexperienced, confused, lost, low self-esteem and possibly uncle-raped flock to it as they search with mooning faces for some kind of meaning in their disposable, interchangeable part lives. And then they get upset when we point this out to them.

I want to make a fatwa here, which is that we make it illegal under ANUS Shariah law to compare Opeth to homosexuality. To do so is to insult homosexuals. Instead, we must focus on the truth of Opeth, which is that it is music for boys to cry to so that they do not have to become men. It is music for people to feel like they’re having a profound experience to, when really they’re just projecting their own neurosis (expanded rectums from parental rape, divorce and repetition of failure). If you like the thought of telling a rapist to go ahead and have his way with your ass, because you’re just too into yourself to muss your hair fighting back, Opeth is for you.

And that, mein munchkins, is why we troll them.

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ANUS trolls desecrate Gojira website

I was looking over the user comments on one of our blog posts (mainly because they are often hilarious) and found this:

please i kindly ask of you to stop vandalizing our Gojira guestbook, you are welcome to our site for information but please refrain from more hate comments that are signed as members from this website.

the Gojira staff

They’re referring to events like this (JPG, 77k).

According, ANUS has composed an official statement:

Dear Gojira,

Please understand that none of this is personal. You are probably very nice people and we would enjoy having a beer or two. But life is not about getting along with everyone. It’s about picking the right answers out of the pool of every answer, and using that knowledge to get better. Always forward, ever upward, and all that.

We encourage our users to vandalize, degrade, sabotage, guillotine, desecrate, corrupt, hack, immolate and sodomize any Crowdist information, which we can define as:

  • A partial truth. It takes some aspects of a situation and makes them “represent” the same situation, like symbols or social gestures, and so obscures the breadth of the situation.
  • It is populist in the oldest sense of meaning pandering, demagoguery, and “little white lies” that we tell in social circumstances when we’re not outright bribing people by saying nice things to them. It’s like talking a girl into bed.
  • It passively assumes a superior position. These thoughts need some reason why you would adopt them instead of common sense, so they pretend to be intellectually, morally, socially or empathically superior.

Gojira exemplifies Crowdist behavior. Your songs are written like indie-rock converted to powerchords and played with periodic violence, but you do not understand the metal spirit, its way of writing riffs, its song structure or imagery. Although you may be nice guys, you are (sadly) imitators and corruptors of the metal tradition.

Therefore, we encourage all users of this website — and any other website — to have fun vandalizing your Guestbook and/or rectums. Instructions:

  1. Go to Gojira’s website.
  2. You will find there a picture of a skeleton surrounded by dots. Click on the dot to the furthest right, at the 3 o’clock position on an analog clock.
  3. At the Guestbook, either (a) endorse freedom, democracy, liberalism, effete passivity, anal sex, miscegenation, watersports, incest and Gojira or (b) feel free to point out that all indie-rock bands who pretend to be metal, but don’t understand metal, are poseurs. Some indie rockers came into metal and made metal. If people bitch that we are too kvlty, just point out that we hate Krallice as well (they are also nice guys).
  4. Allahu ackbar!

In conclusion, I am sorry I cannot help you. But in the cosmic drama, we are on opposite sides, and all we can do is play our roles well.


ANUS Administrator
“If it dilates, we want in.”

Maybe this will clear up the confusion. It’s worth noting that our trolls have completely demolished our own blog post comments, but they’re still more amusing than anything you’ll find on TV.



Glorious Times 2.0: New and Improved

We finally got our hands on a review copy of Glorious Times here at the HQ, and the verdict is in: much improved over version 1.0, but still a niche product, so those of you who want Death Metal History for Dummies will need to go elsewhere.

Glorious Times does a supreme job of immersing you in the culture, the music and the feel of the era without having to shape your mind with a narrative. This is both its strength and weakness. Compiled entirely of first-hand statements from musicians and writers from the era, the book lets you make up your mind and read for whatever interests you. This was I think a mature decision, because the writers recognized the niche nature of this material.

My co-editor, Kontinual, and I differ on the importance of this book. I see it as a compilation of primary sources; he, rightly, points out that it’s for a niche and not ready for mainstream consumption. I don’t see these two views as incompatible. Glorious Times is a primary source, and will be in for future academics and journalists, but right now it’s us nostalgia freaks who are checking it out.

And therein lies its strength. While the editors could have conducted interviews and comped statements together into a summary, imposing order and assessing data, that would have produced a linear perspective. Instead here you get the history told by as many people as wrote in for the book, which shows us how people differed in their approaches to this music, and yet also, where they converged. No linear narrative can show the same breadth.

Fans of the music, as opposed to academics and journalists, will find that like other legendary metal docs like Are You Morbid?, Lords of Chaos and Until the Light Takes Us, this book enmeshes us in the atmosphere of the time. You get to hear all about tape-trading, the personal lives of musicians, how people got into the music, and the decisions they made with their bands and lives. You don’t get the kind of clear but oversimplified summary that Sam Dunn peddles in his Global Metal (my personal favorite of his movies); instead you stagger into this strange land where gnarled figures emerge from the mist and tell you their story in riddle and rhyme, then leave you to drift onward along a hazy road. If you want to know what it was “like” back then, this type of book is your best guide.

Detrators will point out the weaknesses that correspond to this strength. They will also say that the layout is amateurish, which was true on 1.0 but is mostly fixed for 2.0, at least to mainstream rock book standards. Detractors will say that the lack of an editorial voice means that the contribution from band members are somewhat random, and that depending on this volunteerist attitude among subjects means that the bands that didn’t make it outnumber the important ones. While these criticisms, as are those of my co-editor Kontinual, are valid, they miss the point: this book is not here to offer an overview, a history or an ideological statement. It’s here to give you the feel for the time, and to provide rich primary source material for those who will research it in the future. I hope someday someone makes the sequel to this, in which they interview all of these bands for two hours each and then assemble the statements, but that would lose much of the atmosphere and require a larger staff and budget than any old-schoolers have at this time.

When we look back on any time, we tend to measure its information by what it would mean to us now. We are looking at single facts at a time, and we interpret them as they would fit into our current lives and technology. When we look at ancient Sparta, we are repulsed by aspects of their warrior culture that in our society, would be cruel and unusual. To them, these “repulsive” aspects were a matter of pride, and what shaped them as much as we are shaped by our pride in not being like Sparta. Understanding early death metal is a similar matter, in that our technology and society was so different back then that we cannot place many of these “facts” into context. We need to see them in their original context, and by seeing that social backdrop, understand the atmosphere before we start trying to pull facts out of it. Glorious Times keeps this atmosphere intact and, while it may be a niche for death metal nostalgia buffs at this point, for the future it is the first serious record of the early years of death metal’s genesis.


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