First Bands Announced for Fall of Summer 2017

The first batch of bands for the Fall of Summer 2017 festival in France were announced in an overenthusiastic press release for a decent but not great lineup. Blasphemy, Demolition Hammer, and Bulldozer are playing along with a bunch of dumb hipster bullshitters and stoner doom idiots. Check it out if you’re nearby and want to deal with a bunch of drunken beer metallers.

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Anti-Fascists Plan to Stink Bomb Trump Inauguration

Project Veritas caught wind that anti-fascists and communists were planning to stink bomb the presidential inauguration of Donald J. Trump. The Progress Unity Fund, Worker’s World Party, Americans Take Action, the Answer Coalition, and other Marxist organizations were implicated. The DC Anti-Fascist Coalition was caught on video planning to pump a pint of butyric acid into an inaugural ball. Planning and scouting out locations for such an action is a violation of anti-terrorist laws.

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Hipsters Fetishize Cassettes

Compact cassette music sales rose 140% over last year. Wow, noise, and flutter! How quaint. Hipsters have declared their love for a format that, unlike the vinyl LP, does not even sound particularly good. The most commonplace Dolby noise reduction systems in most cassette decks cause immense loss of high end detail. Most hipsters collecting cassettes can’t even find a player with a properly aligned tape head. Most will probably be using ghetto blasters or Talkboys as they were six in 1992 when Home Alone 2 came out.

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Memoriam Snore Through “Reduced to Zero”

Memoriam posted the first track and track list for their upcoming death ‘n’ roll album For the Fallen. Hear Karl Willets sound tired and rip off himself on “Reduced to Zero” over riffs that make Benediction‘s The Grand Leveller sound like a peak of death metal in comparison. I’m so excited! Let’s find out what this single sounds like!

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Upcoming Abhorrence Live Album

Finnish death metal band Abhorrence are releasing a live album of their comeback performance at the 2013 Tuska Open Air Festival. Totally Vulgar – Live at Tuska Open Air 2013 is coming out February 10th on Svart Records. Svart released an earlier anthology of the band, Completely Vulgar, that was some of The Best Underground Metal of 2012.

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