Roman Salutes Are Too Evil For Watain

At the end of last year, we predicted that overt satanic lyrics and themes in metal would see their last days. There is no band that will accelerate this quicker than goofball circus act Watain, who market themselves as the evilest band in the world by LARPing as an American biker gang and staying in character through all media interactions. By doing so, they can act like they’re more “trve” than Dimmu Borgir and Dark Funeral despite being even more campy than both in their music and aesthetics.

But in the most cowardly of moves, the band kicked out the only credible member- former Dissection guitarist Set Teitan- because a picture of him doing a Nazi salute surfaced on the internet.  Though the band hides behind the lame excuse that “he left so we wouldn’t have to talk about politics,” it’s clear that the move was desperation on the part of Watain as they struggle to preserve their cash grab machine.  But regardless of whether lefties decide to shutdown Watain’s freak show carnival tour, the band will never survive this incident as the few supporters they had will likely realize that Watain are as timid as they come.

Make no mistake, I’m not at all defending what Set Teitan did, as all Hitler/Nazi LARPing is a corny stunt pulled by fat redneck rejects so they can feel extreme from their mom’s shed.  Instead, I’m celebrating as the Watain scam will finally lose all traction and the band will soon be homeless and broken in the streets.  Though they thought themselves to be instruments of the devil, they ultimately did a better job serving God by destroying the satanic metal scene from within.

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¡So Woke! Decibel Mag Goes Full Soyboy

Decibel Magazine has miraculously erased three decades worth of credibility by posting the most embarrassingly tearful editorial that metal journalism has ever seen.  It is impossible to read damn the thing without formulating the mental picture of a balding, big breasted obese man in his 40s watching CNN with his even more obese tattooed wife as both cry their eyes out at the far-left propaganda being spewed out at them. 

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Sick Pedos Inquisition Dropped From Label

Season of Mist have dropped scumbag frog-metal band Inquisition after it became known that Dagon is a sick pedophile fuck who pleaded guilty to child porn charges in 2009 for having sexualized photos of young girls and boys on his hard drive. Hopefully this will be the end of Inquisition as they were a terrible Immortal ripoff that became a flavor of the week favorite of hipsters only due to the undying hipster quest to find the most awkward two piece band in existence.  If we are lucky authorities will deport Inquisition back to Columbia, investigate their behavior at all of the all ages shows the band played, and, if any misconduct ensued, speedy trial and death penalty!

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Fake And Gay: Nergal, Halford Want BM Supergroup

< Famed Judas Priest singer and gay fashion icon Rob Halford has been recently vocal about starting a black metal supergroup.  A longtime fan of the genre, Halford has named Ihsahn of Emperor and Nergal of Behmoth as potential collaborators, with the latter jumping at the opportunity to use his cartoon-black-metal brand to pocket even more mainstream metal dollars.  Unfortunately for Halford and anyone dumb enough to be duped into thinking something like this will be good, Nergal will not have much to offer in terms of a black metal supergroup as he has not played black metal since 1994's Sventevith despite masquerading around in corpse paint whenever it’s time to roll out the red carpet.

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BASED VARG CAN’T BE BOUGHT

Varg Vikernes is one of the rare musicians in death/black metal that won’t sell his soul for the dollar.  In a new video posted to his Thulean Perspective YouTube channel, Varg has revealed that some scumbag promoter has at one point offered over £ 300,000 for him to do a live Burzum show in London.  While many in black metal swore never to play live, almost everyone ranging from Darkthrone to Graveland has given in at some point.  But with the most notorious metal musician in the genre’s history, blood is thicker than water and that’s never been more prevalent than now.

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SAD HIPSTER WREST EVICTED FROM WAREHOUSE

Leviathan mainman and convicted domestic abuser Jeff Whitehead (a.k.a. Wrest) is being evicted from the Portland Oregon warehouse he maintained as a storefront for his Devout Rcrds label/record store and the “anarchist print shop” Eberhardt Printsop. Whitehead is the victim of allegedly evil capitalist landlords who want to commit the horrible act of leasing their hard earned property at market price, which happens to be double that of what Wrest can afford. Therefore, Wrest has tapped his neo-communist friend Neil Jameson (who is publicly living out a similar midlife crisis) to help beg for moneytarget=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external” from “the miserable collective workforce” a.k.a. you, the consumers.  Yes, you have read correctly- Wrest is so desperate to save a commercial “Anarchist clothing line” from having its free-market commerce shut down by other free market commerce that he has stooped to digital panhandling.target=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external”
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Lousberg- Wintergemälde

Now here is a recording I am really quite enjoying, by Lousberg. This captures the spirit of the desolate winter-time, but not in a dreary way. Rather, the elegance of nature shines through. Low drones set the landscape, while tip-toing keyboard patches enunciate the mid and higher ranges. This has a nice balance between droning and suggesting a melody, which does a very nice job creating a virtual landscape. I prefer this to the other black metal I saw on this label such as Goat Semen, which was pretty cool too, since it reminded me of Norz Norz Norz. There is a sophistication to this particular composition, which reminds me of Maurice Jarre’s score to Runaway Train, which is a wintertime classic. Also, the Mosquito Coast, about leaving society for nature, is another majestic score by Jarre that this harkens. It seems easy to the passive listener to create such an album. As a keyboardist myself, I can tell you that it actually takes a lot of inspiration to write an album like this.

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Have You Droned Anyone Recently?

There is something delicious about a drone. Maneuver the joystick, trip the flaps, train the camera, identify the subject. With a deep sigh, avoid contemplating all that is ahead, then click confirm on your control screen. Watch the brief flash and distortion on your video feed as the missile falls free and ignites. Zoom in on the target. Seconds later, a gout of flame and fountain of body parts.

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KILLJOY IS DEAD

One of death metal’s pioneering vocalists has passed away today.  Frank “Killjoy” Pucci of Necrophagia died this morning as revealed on the band’s Facebook page. One of the original tape traders of death metal, Killjoy’s legendary vocals on the phenomenal  Season of the Dead album (which predated Death’s Scream Bloody Gore by several months) paved the wave for the death/black metal technique and inspired some of the greatest artists in metal.
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PISS ON TERRORIZER MAGAZINE’S GRAVE!

It has become apparent that the mentally ill mutant publisher of the failed Terrorizer Magazine pulled a classic Blake Judd-style heist on everyone stupid enough to subscribe to it in 2017.  Back in September, Terrorizer published a post on Facebooktarget=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external” indicating that “they’re having publishing problems” and promised to send everyone’s missing magazines that week.  In reality, subscribers were lucky if they got 1/4 of the year’s magazines delivered as most never received at least 3 of the issues and even got shafted on digital copies (!!!).  Absolutely no one has received the December issue (it was never published), yet everyone has been billed for the full year both last year AND THIS YEAR even though the last magazine was published in November!  I was just as shocked to hear about this as you were: I couldn’t believe people actually paid money to read Terrorizer last year!

So as of yesterday the lefty metal media has finally been reporting on the embarrassing death of Terrorizer Magazine, but so far they are taking a sympathetic tone.  But why is this, after the harshness they displayed on Blakey Judd for ripping off his fans in the exact same fashion?  The answer has been thus far carefully concealed by the liberal metal media outlets reporting on this:  Terrorizer’s publisher is trans.target=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external”
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