Stormlord
Under the Sign of the Sword
[Metal Horse]


I was first introduced to this band in the early stages of this year (1997) at a small Italian metal club at around midnight on a Saturday night. I remember the evening perfectly, everything from the excitement of seeing some local metal bands, driving two hours to get to the club, and the fact that I was meeting a great deal of people from around the entire region that had come in to see the show.
I had come down to see the show with some Italians from the town that I was living in at the time, as well as a friend who was staying with me from Germany. Normally, Italian show consist of driving hours to Rome, getting stinking drunk, and the witnessing a small band open for a larger Osmose or Metal Blade group, and then driving home. This night was of course special, since this local club had promised the entire region a night of *great* metal, cheap CD's (Avantgarde's record store out of Milan, Sound Cave, had brought a huge amount of stock down), and Stormlord, a supposedly "impressive" young band, not to mention the fact that most everyone in the club knew each other in some way. The evening started out with the announcement that one of the local bands had canceled. That left a local death grind band Bodygrinder alone on the bill with Stormlord. Bodygrinder opened the night in fine style, and since most people in the region where I was living were old style death metal heads, or death/grind lovers, the trio hit it off fairly well with the crowd. We were then told that Stormlord were coming out in a few moments.
The large band made their way from the back of the club, some of them dressed in corpse-paint, some holding weapons, and set up their equipment on stage. I thought the band were quite funny looking (and this was strange, since I normally take metal shows *very* seriously), and pointed out to the people with me that the drummer (a short haired idiot, hovering around the age of 40) looked like a 70's Italian porn-star, and that the keyboard player was dressed up like a medieval sorcerer of sorts, although he looked more like a homosexual sex toy :\
Christiano Borchi (the lead singer and a really terrible Roman newspaper reporter I believe) took the microphone, and instead of speaking into it, or growling like most black metal bands do while introducing the set, got himself into a funny pose (as if he was riding a surf-board) and started SCREAMING. I mean SCREAMING. Being the drunk asshole that I am, I started giggling, but was eventually slapped in the side of the head by my German friend, since its of course impolite to laugh at a band that's just taken the stage. The band then started playing.
The set was ok I suppose, no less impressive than most bands that play live, and even though all the songs sounded the same (including a cover of Venom's "Genocide" which sounded exactly the same as the rest of the band) the crowd were semi-pleased (especially with the guitarists, who acted as if they had just left the Van Halen school of super ripping guitar players), although no one seemed truly excited. Christiano then got the wonderful idea of singing in a DEATH METAL style of vocals, since the crowd seemed a lot happier with Body Grinder in the first place. This obviously did not work with the music, and he gave up. Finally, the band ended the night with an "epic" track of sorts, filled with huge guitar solos and synths. Christiano, taking his sword from his side, decided to "act out" the end song a bit, and started raising his sword while the song slowly ended. Sadly, since he obviously did not have the finest depth perception, Christiano lodged the sword into the low ceiling....and was STUCK there!!! The crowd stared in disbelief as this puny git dressed up in a black cape attempted to take the sword out of the ceiling, nicely taking some of the plaster with him. I couldn't help but laugh and point.
After the pleasing show (not in a musical way, rather comedic), I went to the Sound Cave booth, and purchased a few CD's and demos, including Stormlord's. I then took myself home, tossed the CD into my player, and listened away.
I was then confronted with the greatest moment in my musical memory. The band sounded *very* different on disc, and actually rather FUNNY. The *silliest* "viking chants" filled my room, as a *cheesy* guitar and synth section overtook them. My roommate, a metal head himself, came into the room wondering what the silly sounds emitting from my speaker were. We couldn't help but laugh at them, and I eventually fell over when the viking vocals started speeding up to match the music. I still have not heard anything funnier in my entire life than the title track from this 14 minutes CD.
For the next five months, Stormlord's "Under the Sign of the Sword" caused a drinking problem in my life, since the music raises itself to unthinkably comedic levels when intoxicated. I had to drink all the time just so I could have fun with this CD. It went against everything emotionally and ideologically for me, since I've never seen a band (not even Immortal's music videos have done this to me) that can make such complete asses out of themselves, and still lose no respect from me. Yet through this drinking and listening, I was brought joy, happiness, and truly epic silliness. It truly is the worst, and at the same time greatest CD ever brought forth into the genre known as black metal.
So purchase Stormlord's "Under the Sign of the Sword" if your life seems worthless. Not only will it make you laugh with it's horribly silly viking vocals, Van Halen style solos, and synths that sound as if they were just taken out of a 70's science fiction flick, but the band pictures are simply great as well. Recommended simply as the silliest CD ever made, and an example that black metal as a lifestyle and genre can be flushed down the toilet so very quickly, and turned into a joke even with those of us who are dead serious about it.


© 1997 brand