I would suggest stop thinking about you and your life and think about something more important. Maybe something that you believe in. Maybe the needs of someone close to you. This is like going to see a movie and not paying attention to any of it, because you are afraid that the movie will be over at any minute.
yes i do feel sad when a song ends.
I dunno, i'm not really self oriented...i've experienced almost a kind of ego death, where i put myself last..i live on minimal possessions, and all i really want for myself is to understand stuff more extensively and get rid of my own biases, and to give and help.. even if people parallel to me are doing damage at way faster rates . I always wonder if there's a point of willing my brain to synthesize bursts of happiness... What exactly is the point of these little fragments of joy accumulating over time? Is the brain only doing this to get me to stay alive and breed? it's a really "biological" feeling when you realize that you are not that much different from a tree and you look around and see organic life for what it is.
Other people fill their lives with leisure and breeding. Watching movies, sports, video games, listening to music, going to bars/clubs, fornicating. They focus on themselves,
Distraction still seems to be the only solution, to get the mind off death. (not just my own but the deaths of other people)
"The vanity of existence is revealed in the whole form existence assumes: in the infiniteness of time and space contrasted with the finiteness of the individual in both; in the fleeting present as the sole form in which actuality exists; in the contingency and relativity of all things; in continual becoming without being; in continual desire without satisfaction; in the continual frustration of striving of which life consists. Time and that perishability of all things existing in time that time itself brings about is simply the form under which the will to live, which as thing in itself is imperishable, reveals to itself the vanity of its striving. Time is that by virtue of which everything becomes nothingness in our hands and loses all real value."
"Yet what a difference there is between our beginning and our end. We begin in the madness of carnal desire and the transport of voluptuousness, we end in the dissolution of all our parts and the musty stench of corpses. And die road from the one to the other too goes, in regard to our well-being and enjoyment of life, steadily downhill: happily dreaming childhood, exultant youth, toil-filled years of manhood, infirm and often wretched old age, the torment of the last illness and finally the throes of death - does it not look as if existence were an error the consequences of which gradually grow more and more manifest. We shall do best to think of life ...as a process of disillusionment: since this is, clearly enough, what everything that happens to us is calculated to produce. "
What's keeping me going is that existence is fucking strange..The fact that i have my eyes open in this moment is bizarre to me. I live for every revelation basically.