If your search for ego death isn't unequivocally the most important priority in your life, then you will not achieve it. I'm sure you're still very tempted by many conventional indulgences, which pull away your desire and intention from other more important focuses. If you choose to walk the left-hand path do not be afraid to overindulge in an unhealthy convention, to exalt the ecstasy extravagantly, scrutinize the experience rigorously, and christen off in a beautiful sunset your last experience ever with that unhealthy convention, like a soldier coming back from war in victory, because you know you've experienced it to the brim and it has nothing left to offer, it's not really what you want. If you cannot realize it's not what you want, if you can't truly feel it's not what you want, then don't stop yourself from feeling the torment this causes as you struggle against the hardest thing in life, learning the grace of giving up short-term higher things for long-term better things, feel the conflict within yourself, and examine why the fuck you feel the conflict, why struggle at all, and make a choice to walk the path of enlightenment or not. Just be clear where you're walking, don't deceive yourself and try to have your cake and eat it too, and know that if you choose this left-handed approach then if you choose the wrong path you probably won't survive for very long (or to be more precise the point of no return is, realistically, somewhat nearer than you might think). Also in a broader sense be mindful not to become overly attached with the process of experimentation in overindulgence, it's the journey not the end.