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Aggressive thoughts

Aggressive thoughts
October 13, 2011, 07:45:05 PM
I constantly find myself struggling with aggressive thoughts and fantasies. I try my best to let them out through humor, working out, sparring, etc. I hit the punching bag at the gym and all it does is make me feel better prepared for the time come. I've only been in 2 actual fist fights and I lost. I guess that put a pretty big chip on my shoulder. All through high school I got bullied and took it. My whole life people have been pushing me around, whether it be people that are bigger than me, thugged out ghetto dwelling hoodlums, the police, people I work with. I assert myself, but if it ever comes down to fisticuffs, I'll usually try my best to dissolve it before it gets to that point. Part of it is because I'm aware of the consequences (i.e. jail), but also because I'm not entirely sure how the fight would turn out.

But with every failed encounter, I care just a little bit less. I'm tired of people thinking they can punk me out all the time. I want their blood on my hands. I want to humiliate bullies, people that are unfair towards myself AND others.

Lately I've been engaging in antisocial behavior, being less and less diplomatic to potential bullies, sharing my violent fantasies with others.

Today, someone I didn't know came walking through my apartment complex. I stared him down for a long time, giving him weird looks, partly because I hate it when people do that (we live in a quiet subdivision of mostly elderly people, often wiggers ((I hate that word)) will stroll through, doing drugs, damaging property, loitering on my porch, or using our subdivision as a hideout from the police) but also because I wanted to be challenged. I knew he didn't live there. He started blabbering his mouth as he was riding away on his bike. He was younger, but looked tough for his age. He told me to come over towards him and he'd sock the shit out of me. So I did. He continued to ride away from me. I chased him. I saw his bike outside a nearby gas station. I walked in. He was at the counter buying cigarettes. I stood behind him. He turned around and there I was, his eyes like a deer in headlights.

"The fuck's your problem, kid?"

He pretended it wasn't him at first. He told me to step outside. I repeatedly told him to swing on me and he continued to run his little mouth as he was mounting his bike and leaving the scene. I speedwalked in his direction because he was heading back to my apartments, but then a cop who was pumping his gas and was watching the whole thing stopped me.

Oddly enough, he was on my side. He told me the guy had no right to be there and that next time I should call the police (yeah, right).

Cop and I shake hands. I start walking home. And there that little fuck is sitting on a porch of an apartment building adjacent to mine. I give him the finger and say "nicely done, tough guy!". Here we go again. His mouth hit the on switch except this time he had a friend with him. I started walking towards him, calculating in my head the easiest way to stomp on his head, then the cop I talked to before swooped into the parking lot and told me to go home. I did.

After the cop gets done talking to them, he leaves. Then the two homeboys come up to my parking lot. They're watching me the whole time and I'm not breaking eye contact. They look over their shoulders. I give them the beckon. They come over and I start asking what the cop said. They started calling me a narc. I told them to walk on home and they did, without giving me any trouble this time, other than mumbling under their breath how much of a narc I was.

This situation could have ended badly. I could have ended up in jail right now if I swung on this kid, that cop watched everything. I would have lost my job, my girlfriend, and possibly 6 months of my life.

This guy was scared. I gave him way more trouble than he was looking for and now we're both pissed off about it. It wasn't worth it. But when I'm threatened and then my provoker runs away, it's natural to get pissed, right?

I'm not sure what I should have done, all I know is I'm coming closer and closer to a boiling point. There's gonna come a time when I won't give it a second thought and I'm just gonna hit somebody over something stupid, especially if I'm provoked.

Does anybody else struggle with this kind of thing or is it just me?

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 13, 2011, 08:27:19 PM
You may have already thought of this, but you could try fueling your passion / burning fucking hatred into a positive motivation.  If people are fucking up your neighborhood, try getting a group of like minded (enough) neighbors together to work to fix it.  Set up a neighborhood watch or something that works with the police.

You could also try doing something through political channels, but that will probably be a fruitless endeavor.  You'd need numbers and money.

As for co-workers, what to do depends on what you do for a living and what the politics of the environment are.  So, I can't give you any advice.

For people bigger than you, a weapon is really the only choice.  There are a variety of less than lethal weapons available.  You could also kick it old school and just buy a gun.

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 13, 2011, 09:52:17 PM
That sounds scary. I have some basic suggestions.

1) Read this short article:

http://guyism.com/lifestyle/on-masculinity-male-violence-and-aggression.html

*Optional step* 2) Read Farenheit 451, and then Fight Club

3) Begin professional mixed martial arts training immediately, supplemented by heavy lifting on off days, and good nutrition every day. You should strive to spar three times a week, honing techniques and conditioning the rest of the time.

I find that this formula works well for people with naturally aggressive personalities with no outlet for their thirst for obliteration. Do the above activities, and not only will the type of shit you describe not bother you anymore, but you'll be totally prepared to handle it if someone, not you, escalates the confrontation.

Violence is demonized in early American education, due to the recent feminization of our culture, and therefore many male youths grow up with the problems you're experiencing. My plan operates on the principle that, contrary to the claims of those teachers, reconnecting with your most essential warlike biological imperatives will center and calm you, not provoke further violence. As the famous saying goes, "Nothing is stronger than gentleness; nothing is gentler than true strength."

I think you'll find that the two things engender the other. There's no deep breath comparable to the one taken after a fight, and no conversation easier than the ones started after that breath.

Phoenix

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 14, 2011, 04:38:35 AM
Let me answer you by offering two different but complimentary angles.

First, your anger isn't the problem, what's the problem is the balance between your anger and your self-control. Assuming you've fully analyzed the merits of expressing your anger through violence / escalation versus the merits of exerting self-control and abstaining from violence / escalation in a given situation--assuming that you've played out both hypothetical scenarios to their logical conclusions and that no emotional repression is obstructing a rational evaluation of any facets of the equation--then you must decide which option to choose. Mainstream thinking tends to reinforce the notion of enlightenment as unattainable and of ignorance as mandatory, and it's easy to get caught up into thinking that you're in a conflict with yourself and that for part of you to win another part of you has to concede. You vie to overcome that which is already you as if the choice exists in isolation from the chooser, as if it were possible to overcome yourself or possible for a painting to exist without a painter, desperately clinging to emotional impetuses insisting in the name of justice in some idealized court that other emotional impetuses you also feel are wrong. In reality your emotional impetuses must be considered some distance removed from the underlying beliefs and convictions supporting them, for in general your emotional impulses are in perfect accord - you seek justice - but in specific, conventional contexts justice isn't perfect and compromise must be had, compromise with which under the cold gaze of logic you may walk in perfect conviction, integrity and nobility. In other words, at issue is only to act, to recognize there are clear obstacles before you and to choose the least worst of the available options or, better yet, to think outside the box and find a superior option. But when we get trapped in back-and-forth inner conflict, we can't see the clear options before us, much less manage to think outside the box.

Second, your anger isn't the problem, rather the problem is your fundamental convictions, values and things in life which hold meaning to you or in which you choose to find meaning. You're decently employed (or at least not unemployed), OK, you've got a girlfriend you care greatly for, sure, you may love your family or friends, fine, you may have pastimes, hobbies, or intellectual pursuits you care deeply for, lovely. But if you're willing to jeopardize these things for the sake of letting off some steam, for the love of god man it's one of the greatest lies of modern times that you have a problem with 'responsibility' or 'self-control' or that you've got 'issues' or 'things to work through'. In the name of logic itself, you aren't a fucking flaring moron, you aren't willing to exchange $1000 in return for $1, that's an utterly ludicrous transaction. You were willing to engage in violence / escalation because your beliefs and convictions about bullying were actually potent. What of your supposed love for your girlfriend, family, friends, job or lifestyle? It's hollow, and they want to feed you a pill or give you a bible for it... it's merely "some stuff to work through". When psychologists point out as the adage goes that it's not a sign of mental health to be well adjusted to an insane society, they're faulting the society, and I urge you to consider the solution is to muster with the utmost urgency and passion your entire being towards piercing this hollow shell of a society by acquiring the hidden knowledge which lies beyond the facade--metaphysical foundation, philosophical meaning, spiritual understanding, whatever you want to call it, more than some issues or things to work on, something that makes you get out of bed with a passion every morning and allows you with the righteous, cold certitude of logic to embrace your own self as the true center of your universe so that you can then engage the world without looking backwards through your own perverse reflection.

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 14, 2011, 04:48:21 AM
I constantly find myself struggling with aggressive thoughts and fantasies. I try my best to let them out through humor, working out, sparring, etc. I hit the punching bag at the gym and all it does is make me feel better prepared for the time come. I've only been in 2 actual fist fights and I lost. I guess that put a pretty big chip on my shoulder. All through high school I got bullied and took it. My whole life people have been pushing me around, whether it be people that are bigger than me, thugged out ghetto dwelling hoodlums, the police, people I work with. I assert myself, but if it ever comes down to fisticuffs, I'll usually try my best to dissolve it before it gets to that point. Part of it is because I'm aware of the consequences (i.e. jail), but also because I'm not entirely sure how the fight would turn out.

But with every failed encounter, I care just a little bit less. I'm tired of people thinking they can punk me out all the time. I want their blood on my hands. I want to humiliate bullies, people that are unfair towards myself AND others.

Lately I've been engaging in antisocial behavior, being less and less diplomatic to potential bullies, sharing my violent fantasies with others.

Today, someone I didn't know came walking through my apartment complex. I stared him down for a long time, giving him weird looks, partly because I hate it when people do that (we live in a quiet subdivision of mostly elderly people, often wiggers ((I hate that word)) will stroll through, doing drugs, damaging property, loitering on my porch, or using our subdivision as a hideout from the police) but also because I wanted to be challenged. I knew he didn't live there. He started blabbering his mouth as he was riding away on his bike. He was younger, but looked tough for his age. He told me to come over towards him and he'd sock the shit out of me. So I did. He continued to ride away from me. I chased him. I saw his bike outside a nearby gas station. I walked in. He was at the counter buying cigarettes. I stood behind him. He turned around and there I was, his eyes like a deer in headlights.

"The fuck's your problem, kid?"

He pretended it wasn't him at first. He told me to step outside. I repeatedly told him to swing on me and he continued to run his little mouth as he was mounting his bike and leaving the scene. I speedwalked in his direction because he was heading back to my apartments, but then a cop who was pumping his gas and was watching the whole thing stopped me.

Oddly enough, he was on my side. He told me the guy had no right to be there and that next time I should call the police (yeah, right).

Cop and I shake hands. I start walking home. And there that little fuck is sitting on a porch of an apartment building adjacent to mine. I give him the finger and say "nicely done, tough guy!". Here we go again. His mouth hit the on switch except this time he had a friend with him. I started walking towards him, calculating in my head the easiest way to stomp on his head, then the cop I talked to before swooped into the parking lot and told me to go home. I did.

After the cop gets done talking to them, he leaves. Then the two homeboys come up to my parking lot. They're watching me the whole time and I'm not breaking eye contact. They look over their shoulders. I give them the beckon. They come over and I start asking what the cop said. They started calling me a narc. I told them to walk on home and they did, without giving me any trouble this time, other than mumbling under their breath how much of a narc I was.

This situation could have ended badly. I could have ended up in jail right now if I swung on this kid, that cop watched everything. I would have lost my job, my girlfriend, and possibly 6 months of my life.

This guy was scared. I gave him way more trouble than he was looking for and now we're both pissed off about it. It wasn't worth it. But when I'm threatened and then my provoker runs away, it's natural to get pissed, right?

I'm not sure what I should have done, all I know is I'm coming closer and closer to a boiling point. There's gonna come a time when I won't give it a second thought and I'm just gonna hit somebody over something stupid, especially if I'm provoked.

Does anybody else struggle with this kind of thing or is it just me?

Protect and defende youself, family, friends etc. But beyond this sublimate your anger into something 'higher'. Don't castrate, sublimate, which means channel the energy into different avenues. If you like music, write agressive music, if you like learning, hit the books and find theries you hate and love, it you like physical activity work on a goal there.

Phoenix

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 14, 2011, 05:05:58 AM
Protect and defende youself, family, friends etc. But beyond this sublimate your anger into something 'higher'. Don't castrate, sublimate, which means channel the energy into different avenues. If you like music, write agressive music, if you like learning, hit the books and find theries you hate and love, it you like physical activity work on a goal there.

With all due respect, my thinking is that you have priests on one end of the spectrum telling you to let god transmute your anger or psychiatrists telling you to take a pill, in the middle you have people suggesting things like what you just suggested, and then at the other end you have suggestions like yours except instead of suggesting conventional channels through which to route the anger the 'greatest' channel is suggested. The reason I chose to suggest what I did is mainly because this discussion forum claims to be a place for advanced discourse, still I wonder if it's only really a fool's errand to suggest it anywhere in this day and age?

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 14, 2011, 05:16:33 AM
Protect and defende youself, family, friends etc. But beyond this sublimate your anger into something 'higher'. Don't castrate, sublimate, which means channel the energy into different avenues. If you like music, write agressive music, if you like learning, hit the books and find theries you hate and love, it you like physical activity work on a goal there.

With all due respect, my thinking is that you have priests on one end of the spectrum telling you to let god transmute your anger or psychiatrists telling you to take a pill, in the middle you have people suggesting things like what you just suggested, and then at the other end you have suggestions like yours except instead of suggesting conventional channels through which to route the anger the 'greatest' channel is suggested. The reason I chose to suggest what I did is mainly because this discussion forum claims to be a place for advanced discourse, still I wonder if it's only really a fool's errand to suggest it anywhere in this day and age?

I did not intend my response to be a reponse to your response.. So i wasn't discounting it.

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 14, 2011, 11:28:49 PM
Quote
You may have already thought of this, but you could try fueling your passion / burning fucking hatred into a positive motivation.

ANUS: more in the first line of replies than most forums get in a whole thread.

Yes - you have a huge amount of energy apparently, potentially and also kinetically, which means you have the energy to achieve great things. You just need to identify areas to let this energy flow which are positive in value and then work there accordingly (while keeping track to ensure that you are restrained).

What you may need is a second person, or alternatively a community, to help direct your energy. Someone to provide the outlets essentially.

itt: what are the best (most positively valued) areas to direct your energy?

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 15, 2011, 12:17:09 AM
Channel your frustration and cause problems. (American) Society is dead.

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 15, 2011, 12:27:38 AM
Channel your frustration and cause problems. (American) Society is dead.

Alternatively, grow up instead.

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 15, 2011, 12:51:23 AM
Channel your frustration and cause problems. (American) Society is dead.

Alternatively, grow up instead.

I agree.

Stop being a faggot.

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 15, 2011, 03:42:42 AM
Channel your frustration and cause problems. (American) Society is dead.

Alternatively, grow up instead.

I agree.

Stop being a faggot.

Okay, Internet tough guys >__>

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 15, 2011, 03:49:01 AM
There is nothing quite like having an arrogant shit head underneath your boot.  I honestly think beating on degenerates should be considered a good deed to society. "Growing up" has nothing to do with this, i have seen 40 year old+ men toss 17 year old punks to the curb.  If someone is out of line, straighten them out.  To turn the other is just going to cause you grief, and these fantasies of "doing something about it" are going to haunt you forever.  Channel all of that pent up energy into hatred, concentrate your hatred down to your fists and crush your enemies!

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 15, 2011, 04:18:24 AM
Channel your frustration and cause problems. (American) Society is dead.

Alternatively, grow up instead.

I agree.

Stop being a faggot.

Okay, Internet tough guys >__>

"Tough" for questioning a suggestion to go out and cause problems for society?

What problems did you have in mind? What was your justification?

Re: Aggressive thoughts
October 15, 2011, 07:14:56 AM
I might be jumping the gun a bit, here, but I'm pretty sure he meant these problems.