I know in the universe there are many beings far more powerful than I, with far more talents and capacities. This is a difficult truth to digest. Should I say that what makes me great is that I'm not them, I'm uniquely my own special individual? Should humans crave an intuitive, dream-like state, on the basis that it's what they know in their genetic history, on the basis that it's what's familiar and what's programmed to be interpreted as enjoyable? When I experience incredible entheogenic-induced states of awareness, I'm reminded that perhaps more arduous than suffering resulting from experiencing new lows, new levels of pain, is experiencing new highs, and then coming back down to what once was taken for granted but now seems insufficient. It seems the path of true enlightenment lies not in the familiar but in the unknown, in a contentment so strong that it cannot possibly settle for itself. Eastern spirituality alludes to emptiness shattering upon its own emptiness, yet I choose to retain purposive, dynamic agency behind the evolutionary vector of this hallowing out. Part of it stems from where I come from, my innate predispositions, and certainly existential angst over defining myself in spite of or against my predispositions would be as ignorant as much as a painting can only exist with a painter, or a choice with a chooser. Between my lot in life and my emptiness within, I don't know if there's anything more to distinguish me--perhaps the mystery of individuality arises from the fanciful sparks and deflections from grating against that grindstone of a black hole, that epic singularity whereby the destination and the journey are one, both always complete and never complete. But one thing that's for certain, is that to the extent my genes define me I must fight against this definition, not despite my genes but with them and for them, lest they be in vain. A limit is only ever a constituent towards a framework of potentially limitless freedom, where this freedom can only ever manifest within a limited framework, and where this potential limitlessness entails not the total obliteration of all boundary and definition but rather a conventional process of unlimited duration, such as the process of living, in a way where the living agent changes without destroying its own agency. Lower creatures may heed their physical character, but that which is truly etched to the core of my being, remaining the same the more things change, if present in my genetic history at essence cannot be dependent on physical genes as it will carry on after physical death. Revere the physical, and therefore kill it, hollow it out--destruction is creation. Once you stop worrying about defending your identity against the existential weight of the universe, only then can you attack the universe.