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When to start a Family

When to start a Family
February 17, 2012, 03:38:01 AM
I started this thread in somewhat of a reaction to "the meaning of life" thread.

Lately I have been envisioning having a son.  I normally take long walks daily and try and plan out my life and and ponder what exactly I am doing here on this rock, however I keep having visions of what it would be like to have a child with me.  A son is what always pops into mind but I would be happy with either sex as long as they are healthy.  I feel as though I am nearing completion(90% of the time) , only minor things bug me, one is a career change that would be suited more towards my strengths, rather than falling into something that doesn't really appeal to me but the money is good.  Anyways, most of my thoughts are geared towards finding my place in this world, where I want to live and where I will be happy(probably rural B.C) but with these thoughts of children popping in my head I keep asking myself

"Is the answer to my completion, children?"
"Am I fit to be a father just yet?"
"Am I able to pass on valuable knowledge to my children?"


I don't know what are your thoughts?

Re: When to start a Family
February 17, 2012, 04:24:09 AM
Unlock the following mysteries for more clarity, maybe a full answer:

  • why
  • how
  • where

Re: When to start a Family
February 17, 2012, 05:05:45 AM
Systematically work on anything that would make you not want to have a kid until you no longer have a valid reason not to have one.

Re: When to start a Family
February 17, 2012, 07:41:51 AM
Anyways, most of my thoughts are geared towards finding my place in this world, where I want to live and where I will be happy(probably rural B.C) but with these thoughts of children popping in my head I keep asking myself

"Is the answer to my completion, children?"
"Am I fit to be a father just yet?"
"Am I able to pass on valuable knowledge to my children?"


I don't know what are your thoughts?
My first thought was that there is too much "I" in where "most of your thoughts are geared towards."

Your newfound thoughts of having children may be the voice of something larger than yourself, trying to tell you something. Whether you choose to interpret that as nature, God, gnosis, or anything else. Think bigger - not in the sense of grander, more epic, but rather in the sense of outside of your own self. What can be more not-you than a whole other person? I suspect that, on some level, you already feel as if your desires are too self-directed. I cannot judge whether they actually are, I merely say that I get the impression you yourself feel this, even if only subliminally/subconsciously/etc.

As to the three questions posed, here are my thoughts:
Your children are not to complete you - you are to complete them :)
You will never find yourself fully fit, but this is what makes parenthood a worthy venture - ever ascending.
If there is anything in this world that you value, you should already know the answer to this. If there is, you would not want its appreciation to end with your death. That would be either selfish, unsure, or a strange and sickly combination of both.

I also like Queequeg's advice.

Re: When to start a Family
February 17, 2012, 04:41:51 PM
You can plan all you want, but the fact is that your wife could leave you at any moment.

That isn't to say you shouldn't plan. Just don't get too caught up in your imagination. Having children is great if you can be a good father. I know I can't, nor do I want to.

Re: When to start a Family
February 17, 2012, 11:38:32 PM
Having children is great if you can be a good father. I know I can't.

Same here. I've often pondered having children, and my ultimate conclusion says NO, I shouldn't - and if I ever do, no more than one.

I don't see myself fit to raise a child. I've got a history of some mental illnesses, so among other things I wouldn't want to pass any of that on.

Re: When to start a Family
February 18, 2012, 12:19:47 AM
When you stop being egocentric that is usually a good time. With the narcissism epidemic everywhere the age at which the ego stops raging in people is pushed back further and further. many decades ago people would be mature enough by age 20.

Re: When to start a Family
February 18, 2012, 12:45:25 AM
All great replies, thank you.

Anyways, i started this thread to get your own personal thoughts on "When to start a family"," How to raise your family" " How to be a Father".  This is more for us to all bounce ideas off each other.  This is not a Help thread.

Re: When to start a Family
February 18, 2012, 05:34:07 AM
teach skills, not empty self esteem

Re: When to start a Family
February 18, 2012, 05:38:10 AM
Raise your tiny crotch spawn to know the riddle of steel.

Most of anything else I have to add seems along the lines of very typical "common sense" things such as:

-avoid technology
-avoid idiotic/self-defeating ideas
-favor self-discipline
-favor introspection

Re: When to start a Family
February 18, 2012, 03:43:34 PM
Raise your tiny crotch spawn to know the riddle of steel.

This is some of the best fatherly advice I've ever seen.

-avoid technology

I would suggest not doing this, instead teach them to use technology in moderation. Those who become reliant on technology to do everything have the problem.

Re: When to start a Family
February 18, 2012, 07:48:52 PM
I didn't fully expand the idea around technology, but that was essentially what I meant. Moderate use of the few good things we have gotten from all of our constant useless inventors.

Re: When to start a Family
February 19, 2012, 12:36:18 PM
Quote
ome have even suggested that free birth control is a core American value.  Which is a bit odd, given that the United States has a nonexistent population problem.  At the time of the 2010 census there were 87.4 people per square mile, and we grow in numbers only via immigration.  All of the screeching over nothing hints at a strange underlying agenda: keeping women from having children.  (And not just too many children, but any children at all.)  Again, this is odd, given that women were made to have children - biologically, it's kind of the point of women - and historically they've wanted to have them; were, in fact, proud of having and raising them.  But as so much of modern life is illogical and counter to nature, we'll just let that conundrum sit there for now.

http://grerp.blogspot.com/2012/02/piece-of-advice-101-pencil-have-kids.html

The point of modern society: get rid of the smarter people, replace with interchangeable cogs.

Re: When to start a Family
February 19, 2012, 12:55:23 PM
The time to start a family is the time at which you're mature enough to focus on another being, not in the way you might occasionally focus on your wife, parents, friends, etc., but in the way a great Artist will totally focus on his opus except to work (earn money), eat, shit, and sleep.  The point at which you have a child is the point at which your "life" (as in "having a life") is forfeit, so make sure you've done enough living beforehand.