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bitterman reviews on Metal Archives

bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 10, 2013, 08:02:39 PM
I linked one of these on the frontpage and that post was swiftly deleted. I hope it is alright to post about these on the forums though. Since September the 2nd bitterman, widely known as an intrepid commentator on the front page, though sadly less visible nowadays, has been posting delicious deconstructions of some modern metal and some older waywards `classics` in brutally honest verbiage. These are all ridiculously funny, though he suffers sometimes from repetition and I hope he adds a review of something good as well to even out all the negativity. A personal favourite is his Meshuggah review, but here are all of them to date:

http://www.metal-archives.com/user-reviews/bitterman

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 11, 2013, 05:28:17 AM
This is a gold mine!

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 11, 2013, 11:19:29 AM
He's got a strikingly extensive knowledge of horrible bands. Half the time I have no idea what kind of music he compares to because people like DMU staff and himself helped me avoid it at some time.

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 11, 2013, 02:01:49 PM
I prefer to read the column and reviews of http://autothrall.blogspot.com/

autothrall obviously in Metal (asshole) Archives.

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 11, 2013, 06:11:47 PM
I dont get that autothrall guy, some of his reviews are decent-ish, but he is far below the level of most posters on this board (Bloodbath gets an 8.5/10). Plus bitterman is funny as hell, that is the main draw.

Edit: And the Freaks EP by Rigor Mortis gets 6/10! KILL

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 11, 2013, 11:45:53 PM
Does this bitterman guy actually LIKE anything? Both on this website's articles and in those reviews he just seems like a withdrawn fatalistic wiener. The kind of guy that goes to a gathering of friends and does nothing but complain about the music the whole time.

I do agree pretty much all of the albums he reviewed are shit, but my point stands. He's not funny either.

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 12, 2013, 02:58:10 AM
I think he's hilarious.

Quote
Does this bitterman guy actually LIKE anything?

From his profile:
Quote
Metal died in 1993. Only 12 good albums have been released since then (most of them in 1994, being already recorded by 1993). Metal achieved its creative peak in albums like Onward to Golgotha, Pure Holocaust, and The Red in the Sky is Ours, elevating the genre into a legitimate art form.

The best part is the Metal Aidschives reaction:

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bitterman does nothing but hate on everything. Fuck that guy.

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I don't even like Surgical Steel (its still better than 0% unless you approach it from the same brain-dead perspective he does... Lulu is an actual 0% album imo) but the guy exists for pretty much one reason made clear in his profile: "Metal died in 1993. Only 12 good albums have been released since then (most of them in 1994, being already recorded by 1993)." Every time I read that I laugh quietly to myself and it makes his reviews more amusing.

Quote
Bitterman has submitted 4 0% (Deafheaven, Watain, ARE YOU TALKIN TO ME?, Broken Hope), this shit is getting tiring. We get it dude, you're kvlt.

The best by far:

Quote
Hi

I was checking out the Surgical Steel reviews ahead of writing one myself when I found someone had given it a 0. Now that's pretty ridiculous by itself but if you can justify then fair enough

however this guy, who goes by the name of 'bitterman', is obviously trolling and just sullying the reviews of various albums. His profile states 12 good metal albums have been released since 1993

http://www.metal-archives.com/user-reviews/bitterman

19 reviews since September and 15 of them are 0s, the others don't get above 20

People have differing opinions but no one reviews 20 albums they absolutely loathe - this bloke is just skewing album ratings for everyone who may use them and the most shocking thing is that they were all accepted.

ERMUHGERD HE'S TOTALLY SULLYING THE ALBUMS' GOOD NAMES FUCK!!!!

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 12, 2013, 07:36:36 AM
If only they knew bitterman like we do. He isn't trolling -- he just really, really, hates crappy metal!

I just wish he would put more effort into making his reviews more original. The use of the same tropes over and over (wiggers, focus groups, muzak, etc.) seems kind of lazy. His knack for description combined with humor make up for it, though.

One of his funnier moments:
Quote from: bitterman's Fate review
With all the kids nowadays "popping the mollys" and having the sex with the "strap ons" with each other after this albums release, it's safe to say Fate's success at making a parody of death metal will only serve as a eulogy to the failure that man has made out of civilization.

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 12, 2013, 03:47:23 PM
Does this bitterman guy actually LIKE anything? Both on this website's articles and in those reviews he just seems like a withdrawn fatalistic wiener. The kind of guy that goes to a gathering of friends and does nothing but complain about the music the whole time.

lol are you serious guy? The name is bitterman.

Edit: Damn a lot of people enjoy Surgical Steel, it makes no sense to me.
Edit2: lol these nerds are fucking OBSSESSED with reviewing every single bit of metal that has ever existed. Its a good thing metal died so the truth never came out; most metal fans are Star Trek fandom level nerds.

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 12, 2013, 10:11:55 PM
Does this bitterman guy actually LIKE anything? Both on this website's articles and in those reviews he just seems like a withdrawn fatalistic wiener. The kind of guy that goes to a gathering of friends and does nothing but complain about the music the whole time.

lol are you serious guy? The name is bitterman.

Edit: Damn a lot of people enjoy Surgical Steel, it makes no sense to me.
Edit2: lol these nerds are fucking OBSSESSED with reviewing every single bit of metal that has ever existed. Its a good thing metal died so the truth never came out; most metal fans are Star Trek fandom level nerds.

Surgical Steel sucks. I can't believe how many people duped themselves into believing its good. MA forums suck too.

Yes I'm serious, just because his name is bitterman doesn't mean shit. A name is a name - my name is Humanicide but I don't literally go around exterminating humans! (well I haven't got the funding yet...)

Like I said, I agree with some of what he says but if he's seriously denying the quality of stuff like Cruciamentum and Trupensturm just because it's new he's a dumbass.  Whatever, you guys enjoy if you like. I just envision a projecting neckbeard when I read what he writes, and it is not appealing. Kudos to him for pissing off the MA forum drones though, that gave me a chuckle.

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 12, 2013, 10:45:46 PM
I take it as a joke. 1993 is as good a bar as any, but it isnt serious. Like the Gorguts review, Obscura is obviously after 1993, but it is obvious he favours it a lot. Whoever it is is more than likely reading this anyway, so maybe he could review at least 1 good album just to round it out.

So, uh, how about Pathologist? They dont get enough praise.

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 14, 2013, 01:24:10 AM
All hail Bitterman!

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 14, 2013, 04:40:41 PM
I take it as a joke. 1993 is as good a bar as any, but it isnt serious. Like the Gorguts review, Obscura is obviously after 1993, but it is obvious he favours it a lot. Whoever it is is more than likely reading this anyway, so maybe he could review at least 1 good album just to round it out.

So, uh, how about Pathologist? They dont get enough praise.

I guess it's just not really my type of humor. It would be beneficial for him to put up a few positive reviews, as I do think he'd be capable of talking about the music intelligently (and it would also dispel any troll rumors) - I'd be interested to see that.

What's good by Pathologist? I've heard their name so much but have not actually heard them. On a semi related note - did you enjoy that Corrupted album I rec'd you?

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 15, 2013, 01:53:06 AM
Not gotten around to Corrupted yet, but I intend to give it some time soon. Pathologist's best is Grinding Opus of Forensic Medical Problems. It is like Reek of Putrefaction and Symphonies of Sickness combined (favouring Reek) and is often dismissed as a Carcass clone but has its own pretty unique voice. Absolutely unmissable, A/A+ album. I think it's better than any Carcass but they win on originality.

Re: bitterman reviews on Metal Archives
October 16, 2013, 09:22:05 PM
I take it as a joke. 1993 is as good a bar as any, but it isnt serious. Like the Gorguts review, Obscura is obviously after 1993, but it is obvious he favours it a lot. Whoever it is is more than likely reading this anyway, so maybe he could review at least 1 good album just to round it out.

So, uh, how about Pathologist? They dont get enough praise.

I guess it's just not really my type of humor. It would be beneficial for him to put up a few positive reviews, as I do think he'd be capable of talking about the music intelligently (and it would also dispel any troll rumors) - I'd be interested to see that.

What's good by Pathologist? I've heard their name so much but have not actually heard them. On a semi related note - did you enjoy that Corrupted album I rec'd you?

Dude, I thought you were a grindcore guy!  I second the recc, they somehow manage to pull off a "chilled out" sound which has always been interesting to me in a metal context.

Audiofile live links:

http://www.deathmetal.org/forum/index.php/topic,814.0.html