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Which is the Soul, Exists??

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 23, 2013, 02:53:51 PM
all answers are dogmatic, no under the gaze of a NIHILIST!!!

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 26, 2013, 02:31:50 AM
Sometimes I feel that there is a whole layer of my thinking I need to get rid of. Two layers, really. One is the layer I have built up over the last few years, due to reading too much cult-like/mind-manipulating material. The other is the layer I have built up over my whole life. But do I really want to get rid of that layer? Wouldn't I just open myself up to foreign influence, like cults? I have this whole "I'm on a mission" thought process that springs up on me and sends me literally crazy, and I don't know for sure where it came from.  Am I brainwashed? Drug-fucked? Schizophrenic? Just maturing? Is this site doing me any good, or is it feeding delusions?

What does it mean for me to become more nihilistic? Is it good or bad? Certainly, it's about not even asking that question. It's a scary thought, like I would be sending myself crazy, but if someone has already done that to me maybe it is like their influence lingering after they have been removed from direct contact. Or maybe I truly would be sending myself "sane", having a clearer vision.

God, I'm such a confused soul!
TAH EERF

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 26, 2013, 02:54:52 AM
First things first; stop any drug use, lay off reading of abstract things like symbols and gods, politics, philosophy. Some classic fiction or survival tales (Jules Verne, HG Wells, Isaac Clarke) are good to read instead.

Start working out when you get opportunities. You're probably not yet close to 30 years old, so really push to defeat yourself; your body should be able to handle it. Stay sore, stay hungry. This is the ritual used to eradicate confusion. Decisions will become less daunting, you will be sure of what you need to do. Don't even worry about building muscle or burning calories, just move that body until it begs for mercy. Walk long distances. If you know someone who plays chess (a rarer thing as days pass), play with them.

Don't worry about going crazy, it is very unlikely, impossible for most people. Just do things that you know are good for you, for now.

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 26, 2013, 03:49:14 AM
Dead Last: Agony Aunt. Gotta love it!
EEEEeeeeeeHaaaaaah!
Squawk!

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 27, 2013, 01:41:41 AM
First things first; stop any drug use, lay off reading of abstract things like symbols and gods, politics, philosophy. Some classic fiction or survival tales (Jules Verne, HG Wells, Isaac Clarke) are good to read instead.

Start working out when you get opportunities. You're probably not yet close to 30 years old, so really push to defeat yourself; your body should be able to handle it. Stay sore, stay hungry. This is the ritual used to eradicate confusion. Decisions will become less daunting, you will be sure of what you need to do. Don't even worry about building muscle or burning calories, just move that body until it begs for mercy. Walk long distances. If you know someone who plays chess (a rarer thing as days pass), play with them.

Don't worry about going crazy, it is very unlikely, impossible for most people. Just do things that you know are good for you, for now.

Yes, drugs are not good for my mind state whichever way you look at it. It also means people who know you do them are going to blame all of your problems on them. How frustrating.

Yes, I have had thoughts already for a long time to put my self through strenuous physical exercise and the like. Who doesn't? It may be done, probably after some other things are sorted. Like, I'm still not convinced that I am out of this "cult". The one thing that makes me think I am, is that.. why the hell would anyone waste so much time just to fuck around with someone's mind? But then I think of how pathetic people can be and it makes sense.

I go "psychotic" and it definitely is something to worry about. It's happened twice, it could happen again. But I take it it will never be a permanent state, it always feels like a build up of stress that gets let off in bizarre ways.
TAH EERF

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 27, 2013, 03:28:36 AM
This may sound really silly and contrary to contemproary medical wisdom, but, don't worry about psychotic states. If anything, they are proof that your mind won't allow itself to go crazy.

Crazy, anyway, isn't really a gradient like most people would think. Certainly is not a spectrum. More dimensional, not simple enough to be assigned a numerical value, or plotted on a chart or graph. There is no craziness index. Sanity, in the modern sense, is overrated anyway. It is practically interchangeable with rationality, which is useful, in the same sense that being able to work on cars is useful. You become a popular guy, people trust you to figure out problems that they don't trust themselves with. Boring; not worth the strain. I've lost my mind more than once; it always comes back. Or, maybe it was never there in the first place.

Want to talk about this cult involvement? My curiosity boner is approaching maximal rigidity.

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 27, 2013, 07:40:35 AM
My last psychotic state was enjoyable anyway. I had conveniently "forgotten" how to talk coherently, and instead would yell battle cries, which consisted mainly of the word "wu" in a certain melodic progression. Then the police picked me up, I thought they were going to rape me. "Who said my sister's name?" I questioned, aggressively. "Oh it wasn't me" said the policeman. "Well was it you?" I asked to the other. "No, no, it must have been my partner". "Oh, so it was YOU!". "No, no, it wasn't me!". Then I started accusing all the police of being homosexuals, and boy did they get defensive.

The cult was an internet cult (except for the "privileged few"). I make much more of it that it really is. Used MBTI as a tool to strip people of their identity, and hypnotise with over-rationalised logic and buzzwords. I was very indirectly involved, but not knowing what the fuck I was reading, I became very confused and took it all quite seriously. I thought they were going to kill or rape my friend, which is the sort of thing I believe they try to trick people into believing. Quite distressing. It all seemed like schoolyard bullying taken to the next level. Very childish. One of the top members killed herself, probably after realising there was no actual mission they were trying to achieve, it was just the sad excuse of a cult leader trying to hold power over people. Then some supposed ONA practitioner got involved and started trying to recruit random youtubers. It all made no sense.

I will leave it there. I am starting to use this forum as a sounding board for my paranoia. Besides, this whole internet cult has left me even more skeptical of the internet than is even necessary. Even this site. And then it crosses (in my beliefs) into real life and oh dear.
TAH EERF

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 27, 2013, 06:14:20 PM
That doesn't sound much like a cult at all, really.
On the other hand, what is a cult?
I was once a member of a crazy outfit called Eckankar, which was generally taken to be a cult.
Very business-savvy, it was. Did well, until the usual power-struggle hurled it into disarray.
Squawk!

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 27, 2013, 07:16:25 PM
That is a strange story indeed, hamhasu. Funny (or not) how words have enough power to completely throw off one's psychological balance (or, inversely, realign it).

Seems that one of the defining features of a cult is the inevitable infighting and bickering over heirarchy that eventually leads to the demise of the whole system. If there is money involved, it is probably a good indication that you should stay away. Then again, if there was no money involved, would it really be a cult? Could be, I guess.

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 28, 2013, 06:01:55 AM
That doesn't sound much like a cult at all, really.
On the other hand, what is a cult?
I was once a member of a crazy outfit called Eckankar, which was generally taken to be a cult.
Very business-savvy, it was. Did well, until the usual power-struggle hurled it into disarray.

A cult is whatever a practitioner of a different religion doesn't like.

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 28, 2013, 01:23:37 PM
That doesn't sound much like a cult at all, really.
On the other hand, what is a cult?
I was once a member of a crazy outfit called Eckankar, which was generally taken to be a cult.
Very business-savvy, it was. Did well, until the usual power-struggle hurled it into disarray.

A cult is whatever a practitioner of a different religion doesn't like.

Actually, you are very close, but as usual there is a pretty standard and more limiting definition of the word. Here's what Merriam-Webster has to say about cults:

": a small religious group that is not part of a larger and more accepted religion and that has beliefs regarded by many people as extreme or dangerous

: a situation in which people admire and care about something or someone very much or too much

: a small group of very devoted supporters or fans"

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 28, 2013, 04:49:06 PM
Most Protestants I know affectionately refer to Mormons as a cult, despite their size.

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 28, 2013, 05:41:18 PM
@Hamhusu: That's an interesting tale you tell. I thought I had been going crazy for the longest time (although, after reading what you have to say, I think my breakdowns were relatively tame), and trust me, there is a way to turn around. Everything dead last suggested is a good idea. I would add spending time alone to that list. If there is a state or national park near you, go hiking the trails there. Do it early in the morning, so you won't run into anyone else. It's the best way to clear your head. Try to think about what you value in your life, or think of goals you've always wanted to accomplish, anything along those lines. You'll slowly begin to throw out of your mind all the poisonous thoughts and ideas, and you'll find things that are important to you, and what you hold dear, etc. All that jazz.

At least that is how it works for me. I also think that this website, and all of the old stuff from ANUS, does a lot of good. This may sound like hyperbole, but it's true: if it weren't for ANUS, I really wouldn't be who I am today. The old articles planted the seeds in my head that made me throw off that victim-loving, self-pitying, angsty teenage bullshit and start actually finding ways to enjoy life. I'd say ignore most of everything else on the internet and read up on those old articles.

I hope that's coherent and a least a little helpful. I'm over-caffeinated right now, and I can't think or type straight.

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 29, 2013, 01:05:33 AM
Good word, SK23; in my mind, working out and being alone go hand in hand, and I didn't think (like usual) that might not be normal procedure for most/other/some people.

I do recommend working out alone and not just *being* alone. If you are, indeed, alone, be doing something. Personally, I require a lot of alone time, because most of the things that I do when I'm not under contractual obligation to be doing something else require alone time, like drawing, reading, etc. In those times I accomplish things and feel fulfilled. In a way, it is exorcism. That is, I think, what you seek.

Simply *being* alone can be awful, because if you are not compelled to do/create anything, then your mind will wander, you become bored, irrelevant thoughts clog your mind. It takes a long time before a person is balanced enough to simply *be* alone and not become bored or distracted. I am not at that point of balance yet, where I can simply *be* alone in meditation or non-thought; my mind begins begging for distraction when I'm not struck by inspiration to work or create and have nothing else on my hands.

But, like SK23 said, being alone in nature is quite different from being alone in your living room or back porch. I prefer forests, but that has to do with my local climate and landscape. There are some very beautiful state parks not an hour away from me, so I can agree that walking trails is an outstanding use of time, and while I'm not creating anything material that I can measure my time-spent value against, I still feel fulfilled. I think this is because, in a forest, I am never really alone. There are not other humans around, but there are many trees, and rocks, and streams, and flowers, and vines, and lizards, and insects, and more mysterious things yet. All of those things make good company (better than humans, much of the time, for better or worse). The most valuable lessons that I've taken from life have not been from mistakes, or books, or teachers, or even family, but from stars, rivers, and spiders.

Again, to concur with SK23, reading ANUS articles has (unsurprisingly, I'm sure) done a great deal for reorienting my perspective. Indeed, I used to be quite the whiny, self-serving little twerp. I still am, in many ways, but I've accepted the promise that there are much greater things to look forward to, no matter what point you think you see yourself in your life.

Re: Which is the Soul, Exists??
December 29, 2013, 02:01:57 AM
Your writing skill, and use of vocabulary is not half bad, DL  :)
Not so very common, these days.
Squawk!