Dear Blackmetal fans and artists,
Now that your genre has sold itself out, we don't even remotely consider you a threat. In fact, we once worried you'd upset what people believed, but now that you've humbled yourselves by spewing out crap, we just don't care. You're just another special group of tools in a world overflowing with them. Please carry on and pretend you didn't read this message. It's important for us to have amusing tools of various stripes so we have something to mock when we're at overpriced bars.
The rest of the world