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Write a metal review for ANUS?

Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 09, 2009, 02:15:15 PM
Here are a few:

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Wolves in the Throne Room - Any Album (π/10 stars)

I don't bother to specify an album because all of this band's albums sound the same. It's not bad if you like generic indie rock, wrapped up in a shoegaze/emo/metal mix, and then played twice and called a song. However, this doesn't particularly stir healthy feelings of being excited to live and do right. Rather, it makes me want to sink back into the couch, because when you listen to this enough, you hear how beneath all the trickery, it's the same shit as McDonald's, U2, advertising and political speeches. But if you like that essence in a weakened form, like an innoculation, maybe you'll like this. But if you do like this, don't tell me, because I'll think you're a fucking moron.

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Weapon - Drakonian Paradigm (√2 / 10 stars)

Holy shit, this Norwegian black metal stuff is hard. These riffs aren't like the rock, blues and punk riffs we all know. I can't understand how you'd get from AC/DC to this. But Venom, I understand that. And so you get an album full of old but bad heavy metal, like Venom or Doomstone, that bands along until the CD ends and you can go back to washing floors. It's not incompetent but very basic and you won't remember or care a month from now. But if you like repetitive, boring, easily-grasped music maybe you'll like this. I don't know why you wouldn't listen to the new Heaven and Hell instead.

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Katharsis - Fourth Reich (⅞ / 10 stars)

In my younger days, I made fast really pointless black metal with no melody or structure. I thought it was really cool, but then one day I broke my hip and could only lie on the sofa. The CD player -- infernal device! -- kept playing the CD again and again, in pointless circles. By the time my mother returned from market, I was begging her -- pleading and crying -- to take out my band's first CD and smash it into dust, to return it to the unformed aetheric void from which it originated. But then we had to do a new CD so we thought of a concept title considered clever in the orangutan cage, and put a dash of melody into our angry directionless songs and then made them four times as long. Hope you like it. I don't skateboard any longer so I won't be listening to it -- this black metal gig is just a way to have friends beyond the basement.

How am I doing?

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 10, 2009, 03:37:54 PM
I especially enjoyed how you rated the albums. Square root of two stars, indeed.

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 11, 2009, 06:15:25 AM
Are you serious? Does everyone who read some nihilism assume they are part of an elite?

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 11, 2009, 03:10:02 PM
Are you serious? Does everyone who read some nihilism assume they are part of an elite?

Non sequitur, dude. You're conflating "elite" with "has some standards."

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 11, 2009, 03:29:22 PM
Farmer: We are setting standards
Shepherd: We could use some standards
Sheep: NO U

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 12, 2009, 06:54:17 PM
What is wrong with an elite anyway?  What is wrong with talking straight to people, instead of taling down, or even talking up to them.  I think you should expect more of your readers, besides, intelligent humor dies more and more each day, so I am forced to welcome even the pretentious lot of it.


Be harsh if you want, but try to find some good albums to review as well.  I know it's difficult.

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 14, 2009, 04:00:31 AM
What is wrong with an elite anyway?  What is wrong with talking straight to people, instead of taling down, or even talking up to them. 

They don't recognize it as the form of respect that it is, because it requires them to meet it halfway by say... cracking a book or typing a word or two into an online dictionary. Too difficult for fat sofa monkey!

I mean, if people could recognize the truth of elitism, ANUS would be the #1 metal site on the internet. Yet things are different. Ponder, ponder.

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 14, 2009, 11:32:15 AM
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Are you serious? Does everyone who read some nihilism assume they are part of an elite?

What I don't understand is why people read nihilism and then think that anything matters, that there is any sort of greater cause or purpose: social order, eugenics, totalitarianism.

The older I get and the more I learn about the world, the more I think that the only thing that matters is getting stoned down by the river.  And maybe chicks.

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 14, 2009, 12:14:19 PM
What I don't understand is why people read nihilism and then think that anything matters, that there is any sort of greater cause or purpose: social order, eugenics, totalitarianism.

The older I get and the more I learn about the world, the more I think that the only thing that matters is getting stoned down by the river.  And maybe chicks.

But do you really want to be living in that van down by the river? :P

Thats what will happen if getting stoned is all you care about.

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 14, 2009, 12:19:16 PM
Not so much, I own my house and I'm pretty much set for the forseeable future.  A van would be nice though.

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 14, 2009, 02:46:13 PM
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Are you serious? Does everyone who read some nihilism assume they are part of an elite?

What I don't understand is why people read nihilism and then think that anything matters, that there is any sort of greater cause or purpose: social order, eugenics, totalitarianism.

The argument of this site would be, of course, that once you find out that there is nothing and that the meaning for things you have been feed is crap, then you can take the wheel yourself and say that this may be a meaningless place, but all the more reason to make it the exact kind of world I want it to be.  Nihilism is not even all that uncommon, but once most people find out there is nothing, they do what you suggested and get stoned and laid all day and wife swap, etc. etc.

We, on this site, try to be intelligent, do we not?  We love art and we hate seeing a world of degeneration.  Well getting stoned and laid aren't going to scratch my itch, so if there is no meaning anyway, why not build something worth living in.

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 14, 2009, 11:02:14 PM
What I don't understand is why people read nihilism and then think that anything matters, that there is any sort of greater cause or purpose: social order, eugenics, totalitarianism.

The older I get and the more I learn about the world, the more I think that the only thing that matters is getting stoned down by the river.  And maybe chicks.

what you are describing is defeatism or fatalism, not nihilism.

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 15, 2009, 12:01:56 AM
No Future.

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 15, 2009, 03:29:08 PM
The older I get and the more I learn about the world, the more I think that the only thing that matters is getting stoned down by the river. 

Or maybe shopping.

Re: Write a metal review for ANUS?
August 16, 2009, 08:45:14 PM
Or maybe shopping.

Nothing beats instant and temporary approval from my equally clueless peers :3



Not even weed, which is illegal anyway, omfg.