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Parent-Child communication

Parent-Child communication
October 09, 2009, 06:30:42 AM
From the "no shit Sherlock" department:

Quote
Teens say hearing about their parents' experiences with drugs and alcohol would make them less likely to use the substances themselves

Sixty-seven percent of teenagers in the survey said their parents had told them about their past experiences with alcohol and drugs, and 95 percent of those teens welcomed that openness.

One-third of the teens said their parents had not shared information about their experiences with drugs, and most of those teens said they wanted their parents to open up on the subject.

For parents who grew up in a more permissive generation, it's hard to be open about their past with their children, but more than 60 percent of the teens in the survey said hearing about their parents' experiences would make them more responsible, and more than half said it would even make them less likely to use drugs.

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/10/teens_rely_on_parents_honesty_for_drug_and_alcohol_advice_gma.php

Why limit this to drugs and alcohol?

Parents now treat their children like property. As with any other gadget you bring home from a store, you expect your new child to function properly. But even more than that, because you're a narcissistic modern parent, you want it to obey you at all times.

So you instill in your child crowdist virtues: if someone else needs anything, back down. Defer. That ensures that parents always get what they need and can use guilt to control their children.

Like most human foibles, this is a result of cleverness -- but not thinking through thoroughly. For example, what if someone else discovers that as a means to manipulate your kids? Bad news.

But parents want to avoid engagement with life. They want to keep doing what they do, and have their kids be like lawn mowers or refrigerators, requiring only occasional maintenance and no real connection from the heart.

So another generation passes into confusion...

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 12, 2009, 08:16:39 PM
This is a bit of a side note, but I've always had judgment on the idea of the "perfect childhood."
Most modern parents seem to think that if they keep their children away from "the horrors of the world" and never allow them around, or to be educated about, "bad things" then their child will never turn away from the good upbringing they had even when presented with "bad" stuff (drugs, sex, and rock and roll, right).
But, as I've just passed that stage in life where kids grow up and leave the house, I've noticed many of the people that lived these sheltered childhoods have done the exact opposite, and rebelled. Most the kids from my upper-class high school that were handed what they want on a silver platter, as long as they made their beds in the morning, didn't go on to college, party all of the time, and many are developing drug problems (pills being the particular drug of choice in my town).
It isn't that I advocate shitty childhoods, but I've come to conclude that children need not be blinded by luxuries and "don't look at that homeless man sweetie, he's not good" ignorance of the world.
The parents that kept their children so sheltered are now saying, "I don't know what happened, we never allowed her to act like that at home. We always gave her what she needed. Why is she prostituting herself now? She could just come to us."

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 12, 2009, 11:39:55 PM
Outcome depends on the kid. A 'tard is probably better off coddled and sheltered so that it doesn't turn into a monster as an adult. Don't bother explaining or justifying. Just lock them in their room with a Bible and Dr. Seuss. A genius can deal with and come to the appropriate conclusions about the world, so some depth of exposure with nudging guidance early will benefit them greatly when they turn into adults.

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 14, 2009, 05:57:40 AM
Difference between training for reality and training for social values:

Parent says, "Eating too much cake will make you fat and diabetic."
Child thinks, I'd better not eat too much, then.

Parent says, "You can't have another piece of cake."
Child thinks, Why won't they let me have more cake? Maybe it's bad to have more? But that can't be, it wouldn't be so delicious if it were bad for me. Besides, I'm sick of being told what to do all the time. I just need to be sure I don't get caught...

This also highlights the difference between shoving conclusions onto a child vs. offering facts and allowing the child to make conclusions from them. Patience, like (true) humility, is a lost art.
HE WHO REAPS STORMS, SOWS WINDS. HE WHO SOWS WINDS, REAPS STORMS.

"It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart."
-Ecclesiastes 7:2

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 14, 2009, 08:08:36 PM
I have a feeling that potential parents may become retards at the point at which they become parents, with few exceptions.  My parents used a mixture of the two methods in the post above this, and I turned out well enough, by my own standards.  I have a very good relationship with my father, who has more often offered the "this is how the world works" form of teaching, while my mother occasionally slips into "because I say so".  I also have no idea why there are two schools of thought, one advocating "positive reinforcement" (a child is rewarded for doing something "good"), the other advocating "negative reinforcement" (a child is reprimanded for doing something "bad").  Both are correct, in good measure.  Don't let a child get away with absolutely everything, and don't let a child remain unrewarded for "good" actions.

Then again, what is "good", and in whose eyes?  The child's, or the parents'?

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 18, 2009, 12:47:22 PM
Discipline, self-reliance and a deep-seated, unshakeable sense of self-worth should be what any parent ultimately aspires to instill in their children - really, they are either all present in a person or all lacking. Needless to say they must all be present in the parent, but they rarely are, and so each generation is worse than the last. Parents instinctively baby their children, I suppose, because every human deep down would love to be babied. It's so easy for people to equate 'babying' with 'loving', but if these parents had self-discipline, they could control their babying instincts and teach the child the same quality. That would be a truly loving act, rather than narcissisticly patronising.

Quote
I have a feeling that potential parents may become retards at the point at which they become parents, with few exceptions.  My parents used a mixture of the two methods in the post above this, and I turned out well enough, by my own standards.  I have a very good relationship with my father, who has more often offered the "this is how the world works" form of teaching, while my mother occasionally slips into "because I say so".  I also have no idea why there are two schools of thought, one advocating "positive reinforcement" (a child is rewarded for doing something "good"), the other advocating "negative reinforcement" (a child is reprimanded for doing something "bad").  Both are correct, in good measure.  Don't let a child get away with absolutely everything, and don't let a child remain unrewarded for "good" actions.

Then again, what is "good", and in whose eyes?  The child's, or the parents'?

Nobody can accurately assess their own parenting, haha. Your standards for 'well-adjusted human being', just like your standards for nearly anything else, are rooted in your upbringing. Also,

Positive reinforcement - reinforce behaviour by providing a pleasant/positive stimulus
Negative reinforcement - reinforce behaviour by removing an unpleasant/negative stimulus
Punishment 1 - discourage behaviour by providing an unpleasant/negative stimulus
Punishment 2 (another term for this, but I forgot it) - discourage behaviour by removing a pleasant/positive stimulus

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 18, 2009, 08:33:08 PM
Accuracy in assessment of one's own parenting is not necessary from one's own point of view, as it is not the parenting itself, but, rather, the effects of the parenting, that have contributed (or will contribute) to the creation of the person that the individual is question actually is, thus it is the individual's interpretation of the individual's parenting which shows whether or not the parenting was good/bad, effective/ineffective, etc.

That was probably bullshit.  Give me time, I'm slowly learning how to come up with this bollocks...

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 18, 2009, 10:32:38 PM
Accuracy in assessment of one's own parenting is not necessary from one's own point of view, as it is not the parenting itself, but, rather, the effects of the parenting, that have contributed (or will contribute) to the creation of the person that the individual is question actually is, thus it is the individual's interpretation of the individual's parenting which shows whether or not the parenting was good/bad, effective/ineffective, etc.

That was probably bullshit.  Give me time, I'm slowly learning how to come up with this bollocks...

The individual's perspective is given to them by their parenting. How anyone can reliably and objectively assess their parenting through this perspective is beyond me. It's akin to trying to psychoanalyse yourself. It's the mental equivalent of trying to carry yourself around in your own arms - impossible.

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 19, 2009, 06:53:08 PM
So, an individual examining an exterior aspect of his/her existence is doing something "akin" to an individual attempting to understand themselves from an exterior perspective.  Yes, that makes sense.  (Interior -> Exterior) = ((Interior <- Exterior) -> Interior).

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 20, 2009, 06:35:46 AM
So, an individual examining an exterior aspect of his/her existence is doing something "akin" to an individual attempting to understand themselves from an exterior perspective.  Yes, that makes sense.  (Interior -> Exterior) = ((Interior <- Exterior) -> Interior).

You can't assess your parenting because the influence of your parenting on your perspective is too deep-seated to do anything but pollute your reasoning in making your assessment.

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 20, 2009, 07:56:45 PM
Your perspective of your reasoning with reference to your parenting is your assessment.

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 21, 2009, 07:51:11 AM
Your perspective of your reasoning with reference to your parenting is your assessment.

So, 'Your perspective of your perspective with reference to the major factor in your perspective is the end result of your perspective'

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 21, 2009, 08:04:33 PM
I started talking bollocks posts ago.  I thought that was the point.

Re: Parent-Child communication
October 29, 2009, 08:42:07 AM
"Parents instinctively baby their children, I suppose, because every human deep down would love to be babied. It's so easy for people to equate 'babying' with 'loving', but if these parents had self-discipline, they could control their babying instincts and teach the child the same quality. That would be a truly loving act, rather than narcissisticly patronising."
Masterenslaver:  I've noticed many parents do this overmuch.  They are afraid that their precious little unique snowflake will be crushed and protect them from everything and end up raising faggoty, weak children.  it is also annoying because they expect you to be as deferential to their little shit as they are.
Or they are so worried that their little fucker will end up being the shiteater of the group that they insist on unchallenging, 'positive', feelings based socialization that results in faggoty, weak, stupid children.
Tangentially, I've noticed lots of kids, 6 and younger, with fucking cell phones.  What the fuck is up with that?  Another symptom of faggoty, pussified parents.
"Just like your ancestors
you will fight today."

-Rob Darken