Evil Black Metal is hogwash.

[Athanasius contra mundum]

Enjoy torturing someone? You should enjoy everything you do, which doesn't mean "pick only what you enjoy" but "find the divinity in everything." If you're going to have to be cruel, you need to live the part.

If you're going to beat the crap out of someone, you need to put your whole spirit into it. The truly evil person will have no emotional response, but will treat it simply like a mechanical task. And if you search your soul, that scares you more than a sadist.

I think you have it backwards.  One should never enjoy cruelty, but only do it out of necessity.  Anyone who enjoys cruelty is sick.  Necessary cruelty should be done in a mechanical fashion, all while retaining the understanding of it repulsiveness.  Allowing or encouraging the enjoyment of cruelty can fuel the enactment of UNnecessary cruelty, which is bad.

Some people simply just deserve cruelty: the best is when it completely humiliates and degrades a worthless person, or one filled with excessive hubris. If you saw a Goldman Sachs investment banker, or a BP executive, getting brutally anally raped while their family watches, wouldn't you have a warm, fuzzy feeling inside of you at the perfect justice of it?  I felt fantastic after hearing about Bernie Madoff's fun adventures in prison!

Regarding the OP, the idiot "Joe" character is why I don't listen to most black metal at all. You can tell he's a little bitch because his evil-badassness can't even be up front with the prank caller. Clearly a bunch of wannabe toughguy black metal kids who think they be evil pho' hatin da niggas.  But when confronted by a "real evil motherfucker" this Joe kid is just trying to belch out excuses in his asperger-tinged voice.

I'm turned off by most black metal: too much silly theatrics, too much dick-waving, and the trying too hard gig.  How many of these black metal bands sing about darkness but are working for a bachelors in business administration?  At least the original black metal bands were original and made some really good music, but they still engaged in their silly little drama, the pointless church burnings (heartfelt idea, however accomplishing nothing), and that really, really retarded corpse makeup.  The whole "low production is kvlt" thing also was mostly an excuse to be as cheap as possible.  Did any albums actually benefit from having a lower-quality production?

Black metal should've evolved back in the latter half of the 90s, instead it's just a running joke and everybody forgot the punchline.  Look at the variation within death metal, and then look at black metal: it's much more homogeneous.

Burzum's lyrics were always the best of the "old school" (post Hellhammer/Celtic Frost and Bathory) black metallers, except for the ones he contributed to Darkthrone (a horribly overrated band), since he didn't sing about satan like everybody else did at the time.  Samael's Ceremony of Opposites lyrics (as an example), while being more of the same, worked perfectly with the music so that it wasn't silly as usual.

Maybe I'm not totally accurate with some of my above statements, but when I listen to most black metal, I'm thinking of some kid wearing grease paint, sporting secondhand BDSM gear he bought used from an estate sale, going on stage and shouting about darkness/cold weather/black people/graves/Jesus/Satan/Vikings (even though he is probably of English descent) then taking the bus home, finding his correct trailer while trying to see straight after all the coconut rum he drank got to him, and then plopping down in front of the TV to watch Cartoon Network before going to bed and then to work at the office.  So I just really can't take this genre very seriously at all.

Ildjarn I don't take seriously at all. He's like the guy who is noodling away on a saxophone while you're trying to enjoy your nice cajun food at the nice restaurant down the street.  His "songs" have no meaning to them whatsoever, no depth, no real intent and I believe all he does is put out short, atmospheric songs in an improv manner like he's making chicken nuggets at McDonalds.  To be fair, its been years since I've listened to him at all, but I remember listening to him for the first time and being utterly confused at all the hype behind him. Maybe he really is the most evil one around -- conning a bunch of people into thinking he really has anything important to say?

I don't understand this because when I hear music, I hear notes coming out of a speaker. I'm not immediately flooded by a catalog of every individual aspect of the entire music scene and a subsequent personal analysis of everyone of these aspects. Having spoken with many of the most active contributors to the website, I know that they also have only one and only one (with no excess baggage) explanation for why they enjoy the music they do: they like it, it sounds cool.

[Vuvuzelas Belong In Metal]

I don't understand this because when I hear music, I hear notes coming out of a speaker. I'm not immediately flooded by a catalog of every individual aspect of the entire music scene and a subsequent personal analysis of everyone of these aspects. Having spoken with many of the most active contributors to the website, I know that they also have only one and only one (with no excess baggage) explanation for why they enjoy the music they do: they like it, it sounds cool.

I prefer my music to be art: if someone is singing about something, let it have meaning, not be an outlet for their need to be a tough guy.

You can communicate emotion and some level of abstraction through music, vocals/lyrics really just add onto that.  It might be silly to not like a song because the ideas it represents are laughable, but it makes it hard to take the source, and the song itself, seriously.

That's why I don't really like humor bands unless the humor is witty or satirical.

What about Christian black metal?  What's your opinion on that, may I ask?

[Athanasius contra mundum]

I don't understand this because when I hear music, I hear notes coming out of a speaker. I'm not immediately flooded by a catalog of every individual aspect of the entire music scene and a subsequent personal analysis of everyone of these aspects. Having spoken with many of the most active contributors to the website, I know that they also have only one and only one (with no excess baggage) explanation for why they enjoy the music they do: they like it, it sounds cool.

I prefer my music to be art: if someone is singing about something, let it have meaning, not be an outlet for their need to be a tough guy.

You can communicate emotion and some level of abstraction through music, vocals/lyrics really just add onto that.  It might be silly to not like a song because the ideas it represents are laughable, but it makes it hard to take the source, and the song itself, seriously.

That's why I don't really like humor bands unless the humor is witty or satirical.

What about Christian black metal?  What's your opinion on that, may I ask?

I pretty much agree entirely with your post here, but what I was speaking of in my previous post was the band member's personal lives, choice of dress onstage, and other such aspects. I see that in black metal, but don't hear it in the music of the bands I enjoy. When I was about 12 I really liked Hatebreed, and I could actually hear the tough-guy sentiment being spoken through the music, and not just lyrically. That's why I enjoy the little black metal I do, including Ildjarn; there's not really a human sentiment being carried through in the music. I'm guessing that's different for the actual artists being, well, you know, human beings.

Christian black metal? I love a lot of "Christian" music, and even some literature of sorts (Prozak really got me into Eckhart's sermons). If it has the elements of art that I find valuable, then let me hear it. I haven't heard any yet.

[Vuvuzelas Belong In Metal]

Their personal lives only really matter when it applies to music when its hypocritical.  Or just plainly disingenuous. 

I meant Christian black metal, not Christian music.  Of course some Christian music is going to be good, but as a black metal outfit its just silly.

You reminded me of another question that has ate away at me.  Is the band Candlemass christian?  The song Samarithan somewhat suggests they are.  Of course I don't think the BAND itself means to be, but I'm wondering if its members were.

[istaros]

I'm wondering if Candlemass likes hamburgers.

[Vuvuzelas Belong In Metal]

I'm wondering if Candlemass likes hamburgers.

"Please let me eat in solitude" perhaps?

[Vuvuzelas Belong In Metal]

*grabs bongo drums and beats on it"

Evil black metal
too synthetic
young adolescents
acting pathetic

No insight gained
no ideas brained
such evil black metal,
daffodil petal

Grease paint, is running
music, not cunning
black metal is dumbing

A poseur, a kid
Extremely stupid
Stealing off darkthrone
then dying alone
evil black metal
lacking wit or mettle

*looks up and nods*

[beyond_godlike]

Maybe I'm not totally accurate with some of my above statements, but when I listen to most black metal, I'm thinking of some kid wearing grease paint, sporting secondhand BDSM gear he bought used from an estate sale, going on stage and shouting about darkness/cold weather/black people/graves/Jesus/Satan/Vikings (even though he is probably of English descent) then taking the bus home, finding his correct trailer while trying to see straight after all the coconut rum he drank got to him, and then plopping down in front of the TV to watch Cartoon Network before going to bed and then to work at the office.  So I just really can't take this genre very seriously at all.

Yes, only music made by real demons or vikings is listenable.

[Vuvuzelas Belong In Metal]

Take my statement with a grain of salt.   I'm mostly mocking poseurs who think they're badass for acting like badasses on stage.