From the history I learned and the anthropology courses I've taken, I can say that most marriages are business transactions. I do not deny the possibility that one can meet a wonderful person that would be both a life-long friend and a never-ending source of desire, but I do believe such an encounter rarely occurs. In the end, I cannot really see a "solution" to that. If I understand what you said, marriage are always made but affairs are also led on the side.
Marriage takes love and sex and puts it in a constructive context. Affairs and seductions do not.
Staying loyal to that marriage makes it stronger and the family built from it stronger. Affairs and seductions do not.
Marriage builds a family. Indulging one's desire accomplishes very little.
The ideal of life-long chastity/monogamy is an ideal like any other - it's not going to be fulfilled by everyone, but we should at least try to match the spirit of it. It's just like honesty. We decide one behavior is more constructive than another and strive for it. Does the fact that no one is perfect or no marriage is perfect explain away indiscretions? Or the lying about them?
I not going going to be puritan about it and scorn every "impure" sexual act or expression of desire, but our societal mentality has gone from "This is the right way" to "Nobody's perfect" to "There's nothing wrong with it, really." See a problem there?
And if you think I'm being too romantic about the idea of love and trust in marriage, isn't an individual also being unnecessarily romantic when they engage in affair? Except one has a purpose and one does not.
I do not deny the possibility that one can meet a wonderful person that would be both a life-long friend and a never-ending source of desire, but I do believe such an encounter rarely occurs. In the end, I cannot really see a "solution" to that.
It isn't about who the people are, but what they do. That's how an unsatisfying marriage can turn into a very happy one with the same people. Taking the same approach with a different, but similar, person will have the same results.
It's amazing how often I hear about marrieds who become dissatisfied with their sex life and never even TALK to their spouse about it. They just cheat instead. People who take time to find something that works for them end up much happier and don't need extra partners. I think it's more satisfying to have someone you can count on than always be looking for a new romance and having your spouse do the same. At that point you might as well not even sleep in the same bed or even the same room, what's the point?
I can only be so sure about these things, because I've never been married for 30 years before, so instead I read from people who have. I think their accounts are worth more than relationship advice from pickup artists or Oscar Wilde.