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Messages - soerkvir

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Interzone / I need to talk.
« on: October 23, 2008, 04:36:34 PM »
I hope some will read this with an open mind.

Over the last year, I have become increasingly aware of my developing misanthropy. I am 21 years old.

I'm an aircraft mechanic. I don't know how I got this job. Somehow, the military (I lament my decision to join the military) decided that, according to some meaningless number, they should stick me into this career field. This is odd, because I am not good at math and have never derived any great pleasure from it. It is also odd because I have mechanical skills that are lacking, to say the best of them.

 I am male. I have found this to be a great burden, because with my (involuntarily chosen) gender comes stereotypes - other men believe that, due to testosterone, and somehow due to the will of some supernatural entity, my interests should consist solely of sexual organs, alcohol, sports, competition and physical activity, automobiles, weapons, and reproduction. My coworkers look upon me in absolute disgust if I make mention of the fact that I find absolutely no entertainment nor amusement from any of the aforementioned things. Work is saturated with jokes concerning male sexual anatomy and homosexuality. When it is noticed that I am not amused at all, I am attacked for being 'weird.' I am apparently some sort of freak because I don't fit other people's perception of normal.

Alongside this I have become increasingly aware of the fact that humanity is driven by selfishness, and it frustrates me that it is a natural instinct. I know why it is - how could we survive if we did not look out for ourselves? - but it frustrates me nonetheless.

I am increasingly aware of the hamster wheel that is the materialism of the world. Most people seem to think that whoever dies with A.) the most money, B.) the most possessions, or C.) the most debt, wins at life. The amount of people that put money before anything else in their life baffles me.

I am also increasingly aware of my desire to purchase land in the country somewhere and live as far away from the filth of humanity as I can, while still being able to maintain contact for basic necessities.

I've read ANUS since around 2003. I've always perceived it to be a place of, if nothing else, higher intellect than normal. Prozak's musings are genius to me.

I just felt a need to rant on a forum that hopefully has a higher percentage of people likely to sympathize with at least some of my beliefs. I find it harder and harder to relate to anyone besides my wife, who shares my sentiments. I find it harder and harder to find any good in the world. I find it harder and harder to get along with anyone. In fact, I believe I have some form of social phobia.

Oh well.



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