I'm with Andrew, theres nothing much for me in it. Its clearly not complete and just judging what is there it lacks whats needed to make it a worthwhile listening experience. I dont know what Cargést is talking about in terms of counterpoint, as strictly speaking there isn't really much in there (the one instance there is a vague sense of the implied counterpoint that Slayer do), there is a separation of voices at times but it's fleeting and they still feel like they're essentially parts of the same riff/cell/idea rather than diverging into separate lines with separate rhythm and melodic direction. all the riffs are of pretty much the same length and cadence as you expect, theres no dramatic arc, no transitionary riffs and the drum-loops constant emphasis on beats 1 and 3 kind of gives it a vaguely tough-guy rock feel, but even that falls kind of flat.
Positively theres some cool riff ideas in there, so rather than throw it out, work on it. Now you know what doesnt work about it, fix that up and come back with the piece.
Sit and really listen with a critical ear to some death metal masterpieces for a while and try to get a handle of what it is that makes them work the way they do (Immolation, Morbid Angel, Obituary would be a good place to start). Complete the piece, work on it, don't keep starting pieces, not finishing them and posting them on here without any strong idea why you're doing so. Consider whats in it for your listeners - what can they get communicated to them by listening to your work.