Stupid Poseur Thots

Article by Kyle.

Hey dudes. So I was sitting in full lotus position on my yoga mat when my MetroPCS phone chirped a notification leading me to this page.

Bruh this shit totally totally disrupted my zazen. Some thot who is probably one of like five hot chicks who pretend they are into metal to score some guitar autist nerd loser who never avoided being stuffed into a locker is trying to score points with gas station clerk permavirgins by posing nearly naked dawg in some vaguely counter culture shit half naked. Nevermind how hard my dick got dawg this shit is an abomination to all things metals.

It’s shit enough that we have Immortal themed IPA’s as if there aren’t enough emasculating estrogen laden beers in the world usurping quality ales, pilsners, stouts and other dank ass brews homie. Nah man, I gotta get home from the skatepark and check these fools tryin to woo the fucking battle jacket losers of metal music into buying their shit coffee using some thot who should be humiliated by the Hessian Thot Patrol.

This is why we need to mobilize heshers my dudes. Yo if any of you weekender posers who are into this shit want to redeem yourselfs send me a picture of every piece of merch you bought from Hells Headbangers Records and like Dark Descents burning in a funeral fire. It’s your only hope for redemption.

Do that or meet me on the terrain dawg and put your board where your mouth is. Ah shit that’s right you probably never fucked with extreme sports. Or hell any extreme lifestyle choice. The fools that would fall for this cash grab are the same shoe bees who wear Cradle of Filth shirts and think Behemoth is transgressive. This chick has probably never listened to Burzum but owns like ten Revenge and Watain shirts because both bands get tha pussy wet like Hellhammer in Mayhem gets fat groupies. Check tha headlines chicks are attracted to power not your will to rodent mercantilism. Not that this chicca is worth a nut anyway. Take a sponge to her face and she’s prolly like more masculine than 100% of the dudes who would even comment or like this post.

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16 thoughts on “Stupid Poseur Thots”

  1. RIP dmu says:

    RIP dmu

  2. Contarus says:

    Don’t know if it’s sarcastic or not but fuck it burn all those fucking records anyways the only thing worth a fuck on HHR is Nunslaughter and even then fucking Don would rather talk about motorcycles and his underage girlfriends.

    1. Titus Pullo says:

      The Beherit 1990 rehearsal is good.

      1. Eurobuvez says:

        I would rather buy the version on KVLT in all honesty. Same album, but I’d prefer the Finnish label and avoid any import or tax and shipping issues with HHR.

  3. The purger of cancer on DMU says:

    Thanks for another pointless article.

  4. Poseurs says:


  5. Death metal as philosophy says:

    dumbest article ever *insert Billy Madison scene*

  6. canadaspaceman says:

    i would sleep with that groupie except she is now tainted with mud

  7. HH says:

    DMU Borgir

  8. Psychic Psych Toad says:

    Where did they get the tiny beer cans for the midgets in the background?

  9. Siege says: clowns get sadder by the minute..the best part is you don’t even realize it.
    To think this is what the American Nihilist Underground society morphed into is truly pathetic.
    You bemoan people for working at gas stations frequently .yet they have far more dignity.honest work and self respect than this ongoong joke of a website

  10. Prophrt Mohammad says:

    What the fuck is a “thot?”

  11. Belisario says:

    Am I the only one to get the impression that this text is written out of sheer envy at the fact that those two loosers somehow managed to get a girl?

    1. Titus Pullo says:

      Kyle’s metal to the bone; these fools are metalcore poseurs.

      1. Rainer Weikusat says:

        Kyle’s metal to the bone

        Must have enormous difficulties getting through airport security.

        NB: I don’t like this style of playing as much as I used to but I do like the attitude. And the video is cool.

        NB^2: This is probably entirely unsuitable for music majors.

  12. Morbideathscream says:

    And why are we giving this attention whore the ATTENTION she so much craves. These type of whores like drama as much as they like cock. The way you defeat them is by paying them no mind.

    As far as HHR and Dark Descent, both labels have had great releases and shit releases. Same goes for NWN.

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