Hey dudes. So I was sitting in full lotus position on my yoga mat when my MetroPCS phone chirped a notification leading me to this page.
Bruh this shit totally totally disrupted my zazen. Some thot who is probably one of like five hot chicks who pretend they are into metal to score some guitar autist nerd loser who never avoided being stuffed into a locker is trying to score points with gas station clerk permavirgins by posing nearly naked dawg in some vaguely counter culture shit half naked. Nevermind how hard my dick got dawg this shit is an abomination to all things metals.
It’s shit enough that we have Immortal themed IPA’s as if there aren’t enough emasculating estrogen laden beers in the world usurping quality ales, pilsners, stouts and other dank ass brews homie. Nah man, I gotta get home from the skatepark and check these fools tryin to woo the fucking battle jacket losers of metal music into buying their shit coffee using some thot who should be humiliated by the Hessian Thot Patrol.
This is why we need to mobilize heshers my dudes. Yo if any of you weekender posers who are into this shit want to redeem yourselfs send me a picture of every piece of merch you bought from Hells Headbangers Records and like Dark Descents burning in a funeral fire. It’s your only hope for redemption.
Do that or meet me on the terrain dawg and put your board where your mouth is. Ah shit that’s right you probably never fucked with extreme sports. Or hell any extreme lifestyle choice. The fools that would fall for this cash grab are the same shoe bees who wear Cradle of Filth shirts and think Behemoth is transgressive. This chick has probably never listened to Burzum but owns like ten Revenge and Watain shirts because both bands get tha pussy wet like Hellhammer in Mayhem gets fat groupies. Check tha headlines chicks are attracted to power not your will to rodent mercantilism. Not that this chicca is worth a nut anyway. Take a sponge to her face and she’s prolly like more masculine than 100% of the dudes who would even comment or like this post.