/smr/ Sadistic Metal Reviews: Flavor of the Week Metal Pt 1: Black Metal

The ability to spot flavor of the week(/weak) trends in metal is a key element of elitism and will save you a load of embarrassment further down the road.  Both death metal and black metal have seen their share of torrid but temporary trends in the form of herd pleasing bastardizations that quickly spike in popularity and then evaporate from relevancy as their fans move on to something even worse (usually after a period of denial and/or clinging to a safe intermediary genre).  Crowdism is for losers but it’s heavily pushed in the metal scene and thus one must stay sharp to avoid it’s pitfalls.

Therefore in the interest of providing you, the reader,  with the knowledge of how to identify and properly dismantle future flavor of the week trends as they appear, this two part series SMR series will focus on a trend, a selected album from that defines it’s failings, and the worst offenders for each of these forgettable movements.  This week, we will focus on black metal’s most embarrassing waves of herd-fandom and sadistically dissect their unfortunate rise and much needed fall.

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Thrift Store Alert! Judas Iscariot to Get the Re-Release Treatment

Of all of the bands and all of the musicians that have come out of retirement in attempt to cash in on their past, Judas Iscariot’s Akhenetan (Andrew Harris) has been one rare exception who has truly vanished into the depths of obscurity for good.  Responsible for starting the careers of both Moribund Records and Krieg, Harris’s Judas Iscariot was once the most popular American black metal band.  Formed in the days where Euronymous was still alive, JI played in the long-form Darkthrone style and memorably used (albeit poorly understood) Nietzsche Nilisist lyrics.  But after a celebrated career of mediocre black metal was capped off with a wild family campaign scandal in 2002 (more on that in a moment), Akhenetan laid down his axe and disappeared forever.

But in an age where metal thrift-stores like Nuclear War Now! and their cronies will resell whatever refurbished sonic garbage they can find, Ascension Monuments Media has decided to dig up the rotted corpse of Judas Iscariot for another dose of record store necrophilia.  Run by none other than Nachtmystium’s Blake Judd (oh shit! hide your wallets!), AMM is re-releasing tons of old Judas Iscariot vinyls and a super secret, unreleased (rejected) album called An Ancient Starry Sky.

While Akhenetan himself remains in long board room meetings with corporate banker swine, Judd and his label have successfully wrestled away the rights to almost all the music not released by Moribund (whose royalty rights are locked away in a chest in Odin Thompson’s basement).  So how does this material hold up nearly 20 years later, to a scene and a world that’s turned completely upside down?  What can we expect from this latest endeavor of hipster metal mania?  And just why did the most popular American black metal musician of the 90’s go into complete exile, never to return?

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Dimmu Borgir – Eonian 2018

Dimmu Borgir are through and through, the most popular and most successful Norwegian metal band.  They are also #2 in bands that were at one point in their career black metal (falling just behind Cradle of Filth).  Since 1993, Shagrath and Silonez have clawed and breathed fire and went through dozens of musicians- some very well known- and marketed themselves as the “evil fantasy/RPG villian” better than any other band.  The brand, however obscure and seemingly non-conformist, resonated with millions as it’s two core musicians have turned their Hollywood Satanism gimmick into a big moneymaker for Nuclear Blast Records.

Sound-wise, Dimmu have been all over the place.  One of the first bands to follow the precedent set forth by Emperor and incorporate choir/string driven keyboards as a main instrument in a black metal band, they were able to forge some solid albums by scaling back their guitar playing and allowing their keyboards to forge the atmosphere and melodies.  But after a few notable works, they quickly began a journey into whatever flavor of the week pop/dance music has been popular at the time.  By the ridiculously titled Puritical Euphoric Misanthropia, they were mixing metalcore breakdowns with Hollywood-soundtrack style keyboards and dressing it all up with science fiction sound effects.  This became their main sound for almost a decade, with no variety between albums, before playing straight up opera muisc on 2010’s Abrahadabra.  Featuring a full choir, a full symphony, virtually no guitars, and Disney-villain-sounding clean vocals, the band had become a soundtrack to a Broadway musical that never existed.

But almost ten years have passed since then, the longest gap in the band’s history.  And while they are off being evil dads, the entirety of the metal scene collapsed- with no quality works being created in the underground and a metal mainstream that was void of any sort of movement.  I was intrigued to see what they band would come up with given there was no real metal trend to ripoff, so what did I find?  Where is the most commercialized black metal band in 2018, a year of shattered conventions and reborn Western identity?  And who, or what, did they model their style after this time?

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SOYBOY LEFTIES USE BOTNET TO TARGET DEATH METAL UNDERGROUND

A bunch of pussy beta male cucks have spent a ridiculous amount of money on a botnet to shut down Death Metal Underground, the free speech social network Gab, and a number of Alt Right websites such as Amerika, The Right Stuff, and American Resistance.  Why did they consider DMU “Alt Right” despite the fact that we’ve never written about race and have even expressed support for Israel emasculating their scumbag neighbors?  The answer is simple- DEATH METAL UNDERGROUND IS DANGEROUS AND FEARED BY LIFE’S LOSERS.

In an age where the terms “far right” “Alt Right” “fascist” “Nazi” and “racist” are all collectively lobbed at anyone who expresses social/political/cultural views that are not liberal (including centrists), depressed failures are dedicating much of their time and money to try and shutdown any school of thought outside of the pop culture group think of the moment.  This has spread to all forms of society, ranging from the mainstream normies to obscure music genres as niche as death metal.  With nothing to look forward to in their future, these neo-communists want to drag the entirety of society to their world of emptiness and sorrow.  A world where feelings supersede logic and nothing matters in the world outside of the individual’s comforts.

The war with the left must be waged in every space, on every front, by every rational human being in this nation.  Therefore Brock Dorsey, Brett Stevens, and the whole Death Metal Underground team will keep fighting until we are obliterated from cyberspace.  Fortunately, this fate will take a lot more than a lightweight botnet and a bunch of nu-male dweebs spending a ton of money to do little more than elevate our status to the stuff of legend.

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Angerot – The Splendid Iniquity (2018)

The Upper Midwest of the United States absorbed quite a lot of Scandinavian immigrants over the course of history. For quite a while there was a story that a Viking king had laid claim to some land in the Midwest, but the Kensington runes that ‘proved’ this have been shown to be fake. First off, many learned people pointed out that the runes used were incongruous with the supposed dating of the artifact, and second it was shown that the engravings were not nearly as old as they would have to be if they were really of Viking provenance. The death metal band Angerot hails from Sioux City, South Dakota and uses the moniker “Swede Worship” to distinguish themselves from the approximately twenty hundred million other bands that imitate the old Swedish Death metal.

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IntelDrop.txt

SEC_Test
Coms>Open
WAR ABOUND
USAorg>Under Fire
Why Brazil?
Coordinated Attack
THINK
Altright.com>DEAD
What are THEY trying to silence?
What is too DANGEROUS?
Narrative shift
Public Awakening
BIGGER THAN METAL
Who is behind?
Huffpo?Google?NASA?
TRUST[VJ]
Countermeasures in play
Target(3)
Candi Canes anyone?
HELLO TULIO
We see all
We know all
Take your Prozak
HAPPY HUNTING
Enjoy the Show
– C

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DMU UNDER SIEGE

Death Metal Underground has been under heavy DDOS attacks for the past 3 days due to our alliance with the right wing website Amerika.  Amerika appears to be under siege as part of the mass censorship campaign that has gotten AltRight.com kicked off their server.  The collateral damage has also affected DMU and kept us off the web for several days.

Under Brett’s orders we have broken formation and appear to be out of the killzone.  Thus comms are back online, and Death Metal Underground may continue its crusade against leftism and false metal. Amerika remains in the bunkers, engaging the enemy.

Fortunately, we know where the attacks are coming from (ips, emails) and who is behind them (personal and family social media accounts). Our countermeasures and next course of action will remain covert at this time.  Meanwhile, keep checking back for more updates. We will not be silenced.

Semper Fidelis,

~Brock

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Infamous “A Su Connottu, Oro Sa Lei De S’Antigoriu”

For centuries Italian engineers were valued throughout the western world for their skill in both destruction and construction. The great Imperial warlord Albrecht Wallenstein, who exhibited a keen eye for excellence, had Italian mercenaries in his army and Italian architects for his for his manors. With their relatively recent split release with German band Gorrenje, the Italian black metal band Infamous carry on this tradition of dual excellence.

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SAD! MetalSucks Flagrantly Plagiarizes Death Metal Underground

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but such is not true when it’s done by a fat, zit-faced loser with fedora tattoos who calls himself “Emperor Rhombus.”  Because right now, plastered on the MetalSucks front page at the time of this writing, is a ridiculously obvious rip off of an editorial I did just a month ago.  Seriously, the damn thing is worse than when Nile blatantly stole the melody from the Candlemass song “Well of Souls” in their “Unas Slayer of the Gods” mess of a track.  Hell, it’s even worse than that top hat wearing Dimmu Borgir keyboardist replicating the piano from Magnum’s “Sacred Hour” and using it as the intro for Stormblast. But I guess that when your life is regulated to creeping out young girls at Selena Gomez concerts with your virgin-tier Electric Wizard shirt, you’re bound to spend much of your days fantasizing about being a true alpha badass like Brock Dorsey.

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/smr/ Sadistic Metal Reviews: Terrible Traxx Edition

In our search for great metal in the internet age, we are constantly being swarmed by legions of mediocre bands releasing countless albums ranging from terrible to passable. Most bands aim to replicate their idols without understanding what actually makes them great and others rely on gimmicks or illogical hybrids of styles in their attempts to distinguish themselves from the herd. Sometimes we stumble upon fleeting works that point to something greater but those are few and far between and most of us do not have the time to sit through hours of meaningless music In hope to find a flash of brilliance.  Yet sometimes we come across music that is so bad not through neglect nor lack of skill but through the mental decay of the composers and troubling musical choices. In these situations all we can do is laugh and learn to not become like these people. Here is a list of songs showing various metal musicians at their lowest.

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