Not Digging the New Cynic Single

Received a transmission of a new single by Cynic. Feeling a bit disappointed in this tune, called ‘Humanoid’. While it has the great active warm fretless sounding bass-lines, and Y. Malmsteen styled solos, the vocals are a completely different style than on Focus and Traced in Air. Normally their vocals have the flanged-out robo. voice. On this new track, the vocals don’t sound metal enough. They are too Pink Floyd or Lincoln Park-ish for me. The guitars have tons of solos, but leave the bass to carry the rhythm, and this doesn’t work. It makes it too light. The whole thing comes off sounding funky rather than heavy. I would like them to go back and at least out a flanger on the vocals and add another heavier rhythm guitar tracking along with the bass.

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PISS ON TERRORIZER MAGAZINE’S GRAVE!

It has become apparent that the mentally ill mutant publisher of the failed Terrorizer Magazine pulled a classic Blake Judd-style heist on everyone stupid enough to subscribe to it in 2017.  Back in September, Terrorizer published a post on Facebooktarget=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external” indicating that “they’re having publishing problems” and promised to send everyone’s missing magazines that week.  In reality, subscribers were lucky if they got 1/4 of the year’s magazines delivered as most never received at least 3 of the issues and even got shafted on digital copies (!!!).  Absolutely no one has received the December issue (it was never published), yet everyone has been billed for the full year both last year AND THIS YEAR even though the last magazine was published in November!  I was just as shocked to hear about this as you were: I couldn’t believe people actually paid money to read Terrorizer last year!

So as of yesterday the lefty metal media has finally been reporting on the embarrassing death of Terrorizer Magazine, but so far they are taking a sympathetic tone.  But why is this, after the harshness they displayed on Blakey Judd for ripping off his fans in the exact same fashion?  The answer has been thus far carefully concealed by the liberal metal media outlets reporting on this:  Terrorizer’s publisher is trans.target=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external”
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#TWITTERPURGE: TWITTER SUSPENDS DMU FOUNDER FOR WRONGTHINK

Death Metal Underground founder and all time greatest metal writer Brett Stevens has been suspended from Twitter as part of their continued efforts to censor conservative voices.  Too dangerous and too masculine to be allowed to influence the masses, Brett joins a long list of censored and purged right-wingers that includes Baked Alaska, Milo Yiannopoulos, and Lauren Southern.   (more…)

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Judas Priest – Firepower (2018)

Judas Priest came from that intermediate stage between proto-metal and hard rock that emphasized really intense conclusions to compelling but basic riffs, and with Firepower, the band returns to form by delivering those moments of ritual ascension in which the foot-stomping, hand-flinging, and head-thrashing impulses join a sense of profundity through consilience as each track comes together.

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Woolftooth – Woolftooth (2018)

Stoner metal. What bullshit. Why not just get stoned and listen to good metal? Burzum, Incantation, or even Bach is still incredible music when stoned out of my gourd. Other than giving me the amazing ability to eat an entire large Hawaiian pizza, marijuana intake never fundamentally changed my taste or personality. This fact makes stoner metal, and stoner ‘culture’ prima facie stupid. By that line of reasoning, my having listened to Wolftooth’s newly released album “Wolftooth” stupid. Yes, dear reader, I do stupid things so you do not have to. Stoner culture is not for people who smoke the reefer, it is for stupid people who smoke the reefer.

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SUFFOCATION’S BASTARD CHILDREN

Some bands perfectly encapsulate a sound and an era through the appropriation and development of an existing idea. Van Halen fascinated the mainstream with his take on tapping and his twist on virtuosity which had existed for centuries on various string instruments. Iron maiden took the harmonies from Thin Lizzy and adapted them for their long narrative epics. Suffocation took the slow thrash metal staccato riff and completely changed its use by using them as breakdowns. While those three bands are heavily associated with their respective techniques that have been used by all sorts of bands, Suffocation has spawned multiple subgenres that are all terrible and are completely eluded by the original intention.

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FRANK MULLEN RETIRES

Aging Suffocation vocalist Frank Muller has officially announced his retirementtarget=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external” from music as the extreme metal retirement wave continues.  Spanning an almost 3 decade career exclusively with the same band, Frank had one of the deepest gutteral vocal tones of the early 90s and enjoyed an unusual amount of success in his later years when Suffocation’s technical death metal style became interchangeable with the deathcore fad of last decade.  Frank now plans on attempting an acting career but will probably end up giving up on it soon and opening up a pizza restaurant in Staten Island instead.

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BASED DESTROYER 666 BTFOS SOYBOY CALI VENUE

Watain and Destroyer 666 have moved their 3/16 show in California to a new venue after the cucked owner of the soy-filled DNA Lounge publicly menstruatedtarget=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external” over mean words said by Destroyer frontman K.K. Warslut last year.  After trying to kick the band off the bill, the tour’s promoter promptly fucked over the venue by moving the show to Social Hall on 1270 Sutter Street on just a few days’ notice.  Warslut proceeded to verbally emasculate the DNA lounge owners via the band’s Facebook page:target=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external”
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We Merry Few

For the older among us, being in a band was something of a badge of honour; sure, there were more than a few bands around, but not so many that it was still worth comment when people learned you played in one. Musicians were and are not all that common, but music scenes are inherently incestuous and the number of bands expands until nearly every musician is leader of his own that features players from other bands. It was comradely, fractious, fun, and instructive. But in the modern music world the concept of the band is in rapid decline.
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