Sadistic Metal Reviews 12-06-16

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Congratulations! Your society continues to squeeze out lumpy, furry, greasy and fragrant turds into the fresh bedding. Your government is corrupt; almost everyone in business and society is a robotic zombie; your mass culture is garbage and your jobs, jails. People are miserable inside but refuse to acknowledge it for fear of seeming weak.

On top of all of that, your future is grim as you slip further into third-world levels of filth, disorder, promiscuity, corruption, disorganization, perversity, crime and rotted infrastructure. How’s that whole modern society thing — consumerism, democracy, mass media — working out for you?

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Metal-Archives Decries Antifa Attack on Messes des Morts

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Sometimes social justice warrior database Metal-Archives decried the antifascist attack on the Canadian black metal festival Messe des Morts on the Metal-Archives Facebook page. Even the whining neo-liberals are ticked about actual Communists ruining their festival experience. Éric Sédition, one of the leaders of the Montreal antifascists terrorists, is a confirmed member of the Industrial Workers of the World according to his Twitter. The IWW wish to establish a new socialist world order to supplant capitalism.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews 11-27-2016

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Thanksgiving is a merry time of the year but the bender has to end with more Sadistic Metal Reviews!

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Sadistic Metal Reviews 11-26-2016

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We get this poop in the mail. We don’t trash it unlike our readership, we use it for target practice with our AR-15s!

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#Metalgate: The A.V.Club Gets Burzum Merch Pulled From Wal-Mart

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Hipster multimedia review website The A.V. Club accused Wal-Mart of “normalizing” Burzum by stocking Burzum‘s merchandise online through a third party a few days ago. Wal-Mart pulled all of their Burzum merchandise today. The A.V. Club fails to understand that Burzum was a major metal innovator and tabloid fodder, making Varg Vikernes about as well-known as actual black metal will ever get.

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Metallica – Hardwired… to Self-Destruct (2016)

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Review contributed to Death Metal Underground by the Peckerwood Boys. The audio review may be heard here.

Yep, just me here. A new Metallica album of all 45 rpms of pure American metal! 180 grams, limited to 500 copies. I’m gonna spin this bitch like NASCAR!

Lookin’ under the hood here, you got your Black Album riffs, you got your Pantera, and that sir, that’s gonna get you over to your cousin’s house faster than her boyfriend so you can propose to her. Now this album right here has really got me saying, “I’m glad, I’m glad it was Cliff!” That Master of Muppets there album had a lot on it I couldn’t understand in it. It was like tryin’ to make sense of one of them pieces of paper with scribbles on it, them black scribbles man.

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Metal Blade Reissues Immolation Albums

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Metal Blade Records has reissued the three Immolation albums that they hold the rights to: Here in After, Failures for Gods, and Close to a World Below. These three records, the latter two with flashier but less pure drummer Alex Hernandez, are some of the bands peak works and saw them completely leave behind the few vestiges of speed metal that remained on Dawn of Possession, which is perhaps still their best overall work. Following Close to a World Below, the quality of the band’s material greatly declined even though their last record with Hernandez, Unholy Cult, was still a strong release.

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#MetalGate: The MetalSucks Manifesto

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Nu-metal and metalcore website MetalSucks posted the “The MetalSucks Manifesto” today, reaffirming their stance as communist social justice warriors. Donald Trump’s triumph in the 2016 United States presidential election apparently did not dishearten their leftist delusions. A neighbor to the MetalSucks headquarters in Axl Rosenberg’s Brooklyn tenement apartment has revealed exclusive insider information to Death Metal Underground about the activities of the MetalSucks politburo of Axl Rosenberg, Vince Neilstein, and Emperor Rhombus during the week following Trump’s victory.

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#Metalgate: Metal-Archives Exiles Trump Voters

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Metal-Archives founder and avowed social justice warrior Morrigan Stark has started banning users whose posts she views as political incorrect. Trump supporters and general skeptics of modern liberalism’s identity politics are a threat to her imagined metallic fantasy world’s safe space / socialist worker’s paradise. Internet anti-censorship advocate and anime fangame proponent “Clownpiece x Trump” compiled these screenshots on his Libertarian2 Twitter feed:

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#Metalgate: MetalSucks Commenters Expose Kim Kelly

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Vince Neilstein and Axl Rosenberg of metalcore and nu-metal web site MetalSucks are counting down who they deluded themselves into believing are “The twenty five most important people in metal”. So far only two of their picks have had anything to do with heavy metal at all: Fenriz, who as true communists they chose for his working class background and refusal to leave his job in the Norwegian postal service rather than his music accomplishments in Darkthrone and Rob Halford of Judas Priest for being gay so MetalSucks can push the liberal social narrative to twelve year olds and urban hipsters with the critical thinking skills of twelve year old girls.

The most controversial choice of the two MetalSucks commissars-in-chief was crustfund false journalist Kim Kelly for being a female scenester and selective social justice warrior Neilstein and Rosenberg personally know. The communists appreciated her exposing “vitriol, hate and misogyny” and “nazi black metal bands” mostly in line with their political and social agendas for the leftist new world order that has hopefully just been vanquished democratically.

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