ZOM – Flesh Assimilation (2014)


Article by Lance Viggiano.

ZOM is essentially a crust band who starched by a discordant boondock black metal sensibility resulting in parlor tunes to cap off a hard day picking potatoes. Neither being soaked in rye nor smoked out on Dublin can make this release stand out in the fields of barley. The riffs aren’t worth paying attention to and as background music it is simply too assertive so it tends to pinch you if your mood isn’t wearing the right color.

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Metal Festers Eternal

Right now, above the metal underground there is what was coined, I believe originally by Pogrom from Arghoslent, the “Funderground”. The funderground consists of independent labels, sometimes mainstream distributed, releasing thousands of albums each year full of rehashed material or rebranded three-chord hardcore with different superficial aesthetics to fuel a bar show audience’s drunken moshing or make hipsters feel smart for liking an indie rock release with a dirty production. One can see this divide in most of the popular “underground” web forums such as those of Nuclear War Now! and Full Moon Productions. The most popular “underground” “metal” releases of each year are all older metal rehashed into pop-rock structures or rebranded hardcore. This divide is similar to what is felt in mainstream Western culture with the leftist “elites”‘ constant Marxist virtue signaling and branding freethinkers with various epithets for refusing to chant the praises of socialism mandated by the vanguard party.

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Forteresse Announce Récits Patriotiques

French Canadian Gothenburg style metal band Forteresse announced a rehearsal album, Récits Patriotiques, today for all those who care about their boring Gothenburg material that sounds like early Amon Amarth with no tempo changes or variations for beer metallers who do not critically listen to music and prefer to just leave metal on in the background like a heavier version of smooth jazz they can ignore and check in on once every two minutes to see if the band did anything new or are back to scratching their asses. Récits Patriotiques will be released on March 18th, 2017 by Sepulchral Productions on 750 CDs for 750 fundergrounders or hipsters who want to crank frogified Davy Crockett metal to feel special about themselves like kale-flavored ice cream sandwiches. Preorder Récits Patriotiques here if you hate money and wear coonskin caps during sex.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: Just Shoot Them

Guns get the job done.

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Metal Hammer Magazine Shuts Down

Thirty year old British metal magazine Metal Hammer is no more after its parent company Team Rock Ltd went into administration due to losing 8.8 million pounds last year. The printed mainstream media was unable to compete content wise with zines back in the day and the internet has finally put it down. Seventy three shills are rightfully out of work.

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Teitanblood Announce Accursed Skin


Article by Lance Viggiano.

Norma Evanglium Diaboli announced a new EP from crusty noise rock band Teitanblood. Accursed Skin consists of two lengthy tracks: “Accursed Skin” (14:28) and Sanctified Dysecdysis (11:46). Writing riffs is hard because it requires some modicum of actual creativity when you aren’t bashing power chords or lifting material from others. That’s why Teitanblood quit trying immediately after the mediocre Seven Chalices and let itself be carried by presentation and aesthetic to a greater degree than that record was on Death. Accursed Skin will be the second instance of this band using already released material to pad out the run-time of an EP as they cannot conjure up enough static, lukewarm grind/crust riffs and cool vocals to fill a release with new material.

Ossuary Insane – Possession Of The Flesh (2016)

ossuary-insane-possession-of-the-flesh
Article by Lance Viggiano.

A few years ago a mallcore band named Waking the Harbinger posted demo tracks on Metal Archives. The music was assailed by regulars whose corrective actions coerced the young upstarts into adopting a formulaic approach to Malevolent Creation and Cannibal Corpse tier artistry. Ossuary Insane play relentlessly empty upgraded pizza parlor speed metal with all the bells and whistles of intensity innovated by that movement within the metal tradition.

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Hate Mail (#8): The Reviewer’s Response to Steve Cefala’s Comment Spam

Article by Lance Viggiano responding to Steve Cefala’s comment spam on Lance’s Sadistic Metal Review of Nothing Left’s demo.

People really need to understand that reviewing – when you aren’t listing the objective qualities of the music – ultimately comes down to the reviewers taste and experience.

The problem is ultimately that our culture cannot discern the difference between values and facts. More specifically, they treat values as if they were factual statements. So, habitually, they lose their shit over contrary irreducibly individual judgements.

I’m sure this guy can find a hundred other metal critics to praise what I think is lack luster. Still, the most embarrassing bit is that a 40 year old man has to resort to trying to fight at the flag pole after school over differences.