When the Fear of Nazi Monsters Ruins Music Appreciation

Ever since the rise of leftist politicization of metal, there has been rising hysteria over a secret Nazi fifth column lurking within the metal community, ready to spring out of the shadows and attempt a world takeover. This is due to the effects of the corrupt mainstream media portraying everyone opposed to their Marxist agenda such as President Donald Trump, reincarnation of Hitler with the majority of America seeing through their psychotic imagined orange Fuhrer. But for the millions of citizens that will buy into whatever the mainstream sells them, including the scenesters of indie rock, this narrative maddens them to the point of belief that the entire Republican/Libertarian/Conservative movement is the spiritual sequel to the Axis Powers. This is immaculately articulated in a review buried deep within scenester shill blog No Clean Singing’s attempt to set the world record for “most metal bands reviewed ever.”

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Dark Economic Truths of Underground Metal

Recently many of the other “metal” websites, blogs, publications et cetera have been doing articles about the business side of music industry. Unsurprisingly none of these articles had the testicular fortitude to address the ugly reality of the underground metal economy as they are written by either slaves to the machine itself or losers who genuinely believe that they have “careers” in music which heavily depend on acceptance by the community. Since the Death Metal Underground staff bow to no masters social or corporate, we are in the rare position give you the truth in its rawest form. So with absolute disregard for the powers that be in metal, let’s take an honest look inside this machine to see how it really works.

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Indie Blog Laments as Maryland Deathfest is Mainstreamed

The hilarious leftist parody of metal will be celebrated in force this weekend as Maryland Deathfest completes its transformation into Coachilla-lite. While it’s been painfully obvious that all festival culture has gone fully mainstream as futureless millennials continue to spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need there are still many in the hipster sphere that can’t grasp the loss of counter culture to the mainstream. Maryland Deathfest continues this trend with praise from mainstream propaganda editorial Newsweek and lamentations from liberal snowflake blog Invisible Oranges occurring in the same week.

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Tom Warrior Censored on Upcoming Celtic Frost Reissues

In a recent blog post, Celtic Frost vocalist/guitarist Tom G. Warrior has publicly disowned BMG’s upcoming double CD reissues of his band’s best output, Morbid Tales and To Mega Therion, and the more pandering and spotty Into the Pandemonium and Vanity / Nemesis. The embarrassing Cold Lake was omitted at Warrior’s request. While initially on board with the reissues and involved with the creative process, Tom Warrior has abandoned ship because the commercial mega-label BMG refused to print his linear notes as he intended. This blatant censorship was a means of preserving the integrity of the Noise Records liquid assets purchased by the label but had inadvertently overwhelmed the Cold Laker with a plethora of painful flashbacks of the corporate influence that plagued Celtic Frost throughout its existence.

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Deconstructing USBM’s Deviation from the Golden Path

As America’s conservative renaissance thrives through its flourishing Alt Right movement, the time is ripe for a full fledged rebirth of its black metal identity.

With the genre having reached rock bottom in recent years due to pop punk and screamo influences, beta male journalism, communist ideologies, and a faux transcendentalist philosophy, we can begin to right the ship by exhuming and examining the cadaver of its formative age.

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Brown-Forman Corporation – Gentleman Jack

Every once in awhile us vile black metal badasses need to suit up. Maybe it’s to please a family member at a wedding, maybe it’s to respect the dead at a funeral, maybe it’s because the soul was sold to embrace the nihilistic corporate world once sworn against (ugh). Nevertheless, life in the first world necessitates this occasional cleaner cut image and perhaps this projection may even impress some strangers in open territory. But deep down underneath this fabrication lurks that sadistic primal savage that lusts for chaos, destruction, and pure fucking mayhem.

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More Free Press for Shining

Swedish emo black ‘n’ roll pop punk band Shining has been kicked off a show in the fat hipster junkie haven of Portland, leaving the funderground’s communist media pussies and useless indie rock blogs abuzz about “alleged” acts of shock rock front man Kvarforth. Though not charged with a crime at this time, the self mutilating schizophrenic man kisser has been accused of “violent, racist, sexist, nazi behavior,” completing the full checklist of character assassinations attempted by the left on a daily basis. But apparently unbeknownst to all of these out of touch basement-dwelling butt rock journalists this is the exact GG-Allin LARPing Kvarforth has been doing at every single show and in every single interview for over two decades. Therefore, this mass collusion has accomplished nothing outside of promoting Shining and their upcoming tour dates.

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Demoncy – Within the Sylvan Realms of Frost (1999, reissued 2017)


Review by Cullen Toner.

Nuclear War Now! Productions has re-released Demoncy‘s hypothermic Within the Sylvan Realms of Frost, continuing the independent metal label effort to repackage every outstanding death and black metal classic into commercialized fodder for every awkward hipster deadbeat lurking online. While clearly this reissue CD is a cash grab from Ixithra (You can still find the Faustian Dawn / Within the Sylvan Realms of Frost anthology CD for under ten bucks on Discogs) marketed towards recent nu-metal drop outs who never heard the original, revisiting of Demoncy’s most mysterious full length is certainly worth a listen as it benefits from a much improved sound quality. Since every re-release inadvertently strips the original album of its cult status and lore let’s make the most of our opportunity to embark on one more journey through the frigid tundra of Demoncy’s best kept secret.

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