Marketing versus descriptive writing

by
April 9, 2011 –
Comments Off

We always talk about how here on ANUS, we try to describe the music as it is, not assess it in some “social” way (that easily lends itself to selling the music to dummies). People doubt us. So here’s a brief comparison:

Marketing

Q: What’s the title of the new Slayer album?

A: World Painted Blood.

Q: What’s it sound like?

A: What on Earth do you think?

Nine studio albums, thousands of live shows and nearly three decades into a career that’s made them one of the biggest and most important metal bands in the world, the members of Slayer know exactly what kind of music they make—brutal but beautiful, punishing yet precise. A fresh Slayer record is a thing of terror but also one of trust: You can depend on what you’re getting—even if you’re unprepared for it.

As guitarist Jeff Hanneman says with a sly little chuckle, “At this point I think a Slayer album pretty much speaks for itself.”

And yet there are some interesting things you should be made aware of regarding World Painted Blood, the highly anticipated follow-up to 2006’s Christ Illusion, which debuted inside the Top 5 of Billboard’s album chart, a career best for Slayer. Let’s start with the fact that its fury, believe it or not, was born out of fun.

“The interaction between all of us on this record was really something special,” says Hanneman of his work with the band’s three other founding members: singer-bassist Tom Araya, guitarist Kerry King and drummer Dave Lombardo. “Rather than trying to get something done,” Hanneman continues, “it felt like we were just having a good time. We were discussing things, giving things a go. The prevailing attitude was, ‘Let’s try it!’ It wasn’t even work, really—it was play.”

For the first time ever, Slayer entered the studio—in this case, The Pass, in Los Angeles—without an entire album’s worth of material already written and rehearsed. They’d booked a preliminary chunk of studio time in October 2008 to see how they liked working with producer Greg Fidelman, who’d been recommended to the band by their longtime pal Rick Rubin after the two worked together on Metallica’s Death Magnetic. “While we were in there recording the couple of songs we had, things were just really clicking with Greg,” says Araya. “So we thought, ‘Why don’t we try to write the rest of the record in the studio?’ We weren’t sure what was gonna happen; we just kind of did it, and the music kept on coming.”

Not only did it keep on coming—first during that initial session, then in a second period of work stretching from January to March 2009—but it came in a way it hadn’t before, driven by a new degree of collaboration. For Slayer’s last several albums, Hanneman would write his songs, King would write his, then the two guitarists would bring their separate material into the studio, where the band would put it to tape. “This time,” says King, “everyone was talking about what we were doing. Everyone had a say and was involved—like, ‘Maybe we should go faster here or stop there or whatever.’ It was cool.”

Hanneman is succinct when asked how or why this cooperative spirit took root. “I have no fucking idea,” he admits. “The chemistry was just good.” The guitarist does note that Slayer “weren’t rushed, and that makes a lot of difference with the music. I don’t like being rushed, and on this record we had plenty of time.”

You can hear the effects of that creative freedom throughout World Painted Blood, which Lombardo says fits in with such classic Slayer slabs as Reign in Blood and Seasons in the Abyss. “The rhythm riffs on this one make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up,” says the drummer, who describes his determination to make his parts sound human and natural, rather than like the product of a machine. “It does it for me the same way those older records did.” King agrees: “I think it has kind of a retro vibe to it,” he says. “It sounds like the stuff we wrote in the ’80s.”

Did this renewed enthusiasm brighten Slayer’s worldview? Not exactly. “We have a tendency to follow a theme, and I think on this record the theme is more apocalyptic than usual,” says Araya, pointing to songs like the title track, a meditation on what the year 2012 has in store for humanity, and “Public Display of Dismemberment,” which King says is about whether or not certain “vulgar but effective” law-enforcement measures might work as well in America as they have elsewhere. “That’s kind of the running concept here,” Araya adds, “but aside from that it’s the usual Slayer topics of death, murder and serial killers.”

Usual, perhaps, but far from ordinary, World Painted Blood is one of Slayer’s most impressive efforts yet—a vicious, uncompromising look at what’s broken in our society and how frighteningly powerless we are to fix it. King says World is “more well-rounded than the last couple of albums.” Lombardo calls it “a speed metal record with emotion.” Anyone with ears will think it’s an accomplishment of a major kind. – Amazon.com Slayer Store

Notice what’s missing: they don’t talk about the music. They talk about the people, how many albums the band sells, how vicious it is, the topic of the lyrics (which is not necessarily the same as the topic of the song), and how shocking it is. In essence, what other people will talk about when they talk about it. Real information? Minimal. Now of course, this piece comes to us from Slayer’s reps via Amazon.com, and is not exceptional in any way. In fact, Slayer resisted doing this shit for decades. Now they’ve got a big label behind them demanding they do it because everyone else does it, and it’s effective, which means that if Slayer doesn’t do it, it’s like fighting with one hand tied behind their backs.

Here’s another:

In junior high, there were three albums whose covers scared the shit out of me, and which I consequently kept in a desk drawer out of immediate view: Reign in Blood, Blessed Are the Sick, and Arise. While the former two remain all-time favorites, at the time, Arise hit the spot best. All three albums are primers on blazing speed coupled with powerful atmosphere, but Arise possessed a stronger melodic quality that never came off as cheesy or compromised. Andreas Kisser’s solos are oases of respite from the Cavalera brothers’ unrelenting, dystopian riffage. As a son of the ’80s and a disciple of films like Brazil, Robocop, and Blade Runner, I really appreciate the post-apocalyptic imagery in Cavalera’s lyrics, an aspect that he’d continue to hone on Chaos A.D.

Speaking of that album, I got shit in an earlier post about saying Chaos A.D. is the album where Sepultura “become men”. I still think that’s true, but paradoxically, I must qualify that Arise presently edges it out as my favorite Sepultura album. Ultimately, it’s a less fully-realized sonic world: the production is flat (what the fuck is wrong with those drums?!), the guitar tones are not layered in any meaningful way, and are almost fatiguingly mid-rangey. While Arise represents Sepultura at their apex as a speed/thrash/death band, Chaos A.D. is them being the band they were always meant to be. You can hear it in the confidence of the songwriting, and you have to hand it to a band when they reach that point in their lifetime; so many don’t.

So why does Arise edge it out? To paraphrase my friend Anson, MY GOD, those riffs. From “Arise” to “Infected Voice”, there’s not a dud in the bunch. It’s also worth noting how deftly they did the speed thing, especially considering they pretty much forsook the blastbeat after this record. It’s the end of an era in Sepultura’s evolution, and they closed it with all guns blazing. Arise still takes me back to a time and place, and that album cover, for all the fear it instilled in me, remains a favorite. Like the riffs, it reminds me of what I love about my favorite superhero comic books: metal, like comics, sometimes functions on more is more. – Invisible Oranges

These are all marketing, because their point is to convince you how cool something is, and not give you a sense of its broader relevance. The individual and the social sphere are the same thing in varying degrees; if something panders to your lower functions, it will do the same for others and thus be popular. Reviews that talk about how popular something is, how influential it is, or how “unique” it is are not commenting on the music — they’re talking about the scene, the fans, the market — and as such as tangential.

Descriptive

Oh look, someone talking about the music.

Pandemic Genocide doesn’t stray too far away from the established Vader/Behemoth territory, although perhaps slightly simplified in execution and with a hint of Immolation mixed in, as well. This is not exactly a problem, in my opinion, as that is prime real estate to explore, and there are 666 metric tons of great, memorable riffs here. To carve out a more unique identity, PG occasionally slows down and gets a little atmospheric, which maybe works the best in the excellent “Arcana Mortem.” These guys also have no problem with faster tempos, as is evidenced in the amazing title track, and really all over the place, with surgical precision. – Metal Curse

Here we have a description of the aesthetics of the music that’s succinct and complete. We know what we need to know about the style. Some assessment of how well it pulls that off, and how the riffs are written and how the song structures work, and most importantly, what sort of artistic content (narrative of moods, progression of ideas) is enclosed, …well, that would be nice. But it’s not going to happen in a one-paragraph review, which is the smart format to do if you’re going to write 5000 reviews like that writer has. He covers every area of metal in a way few can.

And another:

One could have sworn Verhern and fellow label mates Kargvint are the very same band; both sound and musical approach of these otherwise twin bands is almost identical, and even though they do not share any band member between them (Kargvint being a one-man show), Verhern’s self-titled album is so much like Kargvint’s excellent Seelenwerks Fortgang (reviewed on Diabolical Conquest not long ago), it’s uncanny. Verhern, unlike Kargvint, is comprised of three members; the usual classic metal ensemble of a couple of guitars, bass, vocals, a drum set as well as some distant keyboards, buried so deep in the mix, they are ghost-like, hovering above the music occasionally, adding to it an eerie flair, not unlike Burzum’s key work on Filosofem’s opening track Dunkelheit. Again, as was the case with Kargvint’s album, dismissing Verhern’s debut is almost a natural response upon listening to it for the first time; shallow, hollow and derivative, uninspired at best and primitive at the very worst were the first impressions registered by this reviewer who was ready to tear this album apart a second before he actually listened to this musical work carefully, with unbiased ears and clear mind. This is good music in the sense it emanates emotions in abundance; from the heartfelt vocals to the sensual, despairing riffs, the whole creates a thick, relentless atmosphere of pain and sorrow, and a sense of transcendence. The metal of Verhern is fleeting and intuitive, not your usual gut-wrenching heaviness and sonic violence; on the contrary, here the music walks the more humble, insinuative paths, always distant and estranged, touching-not-touching, creating waves of black ambiance and generating almost erotic beauty. – Diabolical Conquest

While this reviewer is almost certainly overpraising this album, he’s making an honest and clear attempt to talk about what’s inside of it. The style is well-known enough that he dismisses it with a sentence or two, then launches into a description of what the music attempts to evoke. For example, Pantera likes to evoke righteous rage and a desire to hump fenceposts. Slayer used to evoke a mythic sense of occult warfare. Opeth evokes a desire to become pacifistic, navel-gazing, sensitive and on bottom during violent gang anal rape scenes. The review contrasts the techniques used in the music to what it attempts to evoke; the only weakness is, perhaps, that the description of emotions is too inclusive and thus vague.

You can see how some people are out there being “successful” by hyping stuff; they’re also not elitists, they’re egalitarians, for the most part. In their view, albums are not good or bad, but “different” and perhaps niche-bound. Other people are more hellbent on describing the music and so, by the natural process forced on them by the writing they do, they’re finding out which music stands above the rest by not being “unique” in some random combination, but by having something interesting to express and expressing it well.

No comments

  • voice of true metal

    “we try to describe the music as it is, not assess it in some “social” way”

    That’s bullshit, this gay ass webforum is all about racking up the kvlt points for saying only black metal before 1996 and death metal that sounds like it was made by swedish middle schoolers are any good. But metal with actual melody in it? Oh fuck that, it’s “pop garbage” or some ridiculous bullshit, because some nerd with the handle Darth_Vikernes said so. Pathetic.

  • hatebreed has a more worthwhile concept than your favourite band

    “Pantera likes to evoke righteous rage and a desire to hump fenceposts. Slayer used to evoke a mythic sense of occult warfare. Opeth evokes a desire to become pacifistic, navel-gazing, sensitive and on bottom during violent gang anal rape scenes.”

    Haha good one. Not.

    If that’s the case, death metal evokes a desire to get depressed, mad at your parents (and mad@gawd, thanks glen benton!), and occasionally push other fat middle schoolers around because life in the ‘burbs is just so hard, mayng. Black metal is even more pitiful, I won’t even go into what kind of faggotry that clown metal inspires although you don’t really have to look very hard to see it; just look at Immortal’s videos, Gayhl’s interviews or effete faggot Chris Vikernes’ livejournal postings about fairy tales.

  • Adrian McCoy

    Meaningless rage is obviously the better path.

    Anyways, the whole “Voice of true metal” thing needs to listen to Sacramentum or something.

  • voice of caring way too much about the internet

    I don’t think you guys realize that not agreeing with my tastes is a very serious issue. Also, anyone who doesn’t agree with my tastes are just trying to gain scene points, obviously. God, the internet is such an important thing. Fuck the outside and actually doing things. Also, this website is gay for having its own opinions.

  • Typical low IQ In Mala Fide author

    Metal sucks because FEMINISTS ruined it.

    OH YEAH: Modern Society, like totally sucks ass!!! I know this becayse Fight Club ™ told me.

  • voice of caring way too much about the internet

    You need to turn off the Fight Club, talk with some real women, and get outside more often you retard. Put down the fucking bong.

  • Wintersun

    True but I think Wintersun was the album where Jari’s true potential was made man(i)fest

  • Negruvoda

    Last night I was violated by 6 negroes, with every single one of their phalluses penetrating every orifice in my body. I was unsure how to react to this, but when one of them put on Hatebreed, everything began to make sense. Thanks to the wonderful homoerotic nature of Hatebreed (followed by some Ensiferum), that gangbang was one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life. Thank you, Jamey Jasta!

  • CC

    Prozak’s writings on Metal carry an invicible almost imperceptible message that alludes and annoys morons, babbling simps and posers in a crowd, immediately sending them on a frenzy of discontent and resentment self-announcing there presence; it works every single time and it even works at long range as the first few posters prove!

  • I believe anus trolls are so important they can actually make a change in the world

    LEAVE LITURGY ALONE!!!! IF THEY BECOME MORE POPULAR IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT!!!!1

  • I hope the Liturgy case just goes to show how easy shit like Mutiilation is to create

    Liturgy is awesome (not the shitty death metal band), thanks for the namedrop! True authentic metal with none of the clown metal trappings or pretense.

  • Negruvoda

    Ok, I admit it: the reason I post in every Blog of this site is that I hope Prozak will take notice of me and take me from behind with this sturdy manhood!

  • nod

    I went and saw Vital Remains with Cannibal Corpse some months ago and it was Juggalo fever, the most depressing part was when the guys from Vital Remains asked me to bring strippers next time since I worked at the venue and all. It was fucking pathetic, looking at old guys doing bad DM full time, while real shit like Sadistic Intent is a few times a year thing, leaving their fan space clear of Juggalos making the rare meeting of a fellow fan an awesome moment instead of an embarassing one.

  • true voice of metal

    Jerking off to Japanese cartoon porn is more productive than reading the shitty comments on this blog

  • mori, as in the Mōri clan, you baka gaijin

    No, I think it’s a projection. Still fucked that a) it was made b) people showed up to see it.

  • infernal warrior of death

    Black metal is true art. If your ears can become accustomed to the harsh yet intricate compositions and the emotional vocalizations, soon all other musical genres sound hopelessly shallow. It is the only music on the planet where the performer truly gives up part of his soul to the music he’s performing.

    Too bad only noble hessian warriors will ever understand this. Not subhuman cretins like Negruvoda.

  • infernal gonorrhea of death

    >intricate compositions

    yeah bro, so intricate

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBwu83RR6ZU

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVrjwefPXz4

    you want harsh yet intricate, try glenn branca, you dumb fucking faggot. or better yet skip the “harsh” altogether and stop trying to use torturing yourself with shitty music to pretend that you’re somehow tough. listen to real music. even in metal there’s a million times better examples of music (e.g. haken) than the “oooh, spooky! shit’s so necro” kiddie tripe you’re referring to.

    nice name too btw, which world of warcraft server do you use it on?

  • LOL YAY GO INCNOCLAST!!

    po piiii po piiiii po po piii poooo po piiii po piiiii po po piii poooo po piiii po piiiii po po piii poooo po piiii po piiiii po po piii poooo po piiii po piiiii po po piii poooo po piiii po piiiii po po piii poooo

    WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  • infernal herpes of death

    Stop listening to this kiddy “necro” clown paint shit you asspie faggots. If you faggots want REAL music that’s deep and intricate, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_RPZcSZWJo. It’s way better than that grim and frostbitten bullshit that’s only good for torturing yourself and scaring your mom.

  • Nigger Cumlord

    So I think someone here visits last.fm and holds grudges.

    Also, has anyone seen lately the topmost urban dictionary definition for ‘hipster’? Hopefully the whole charade will reach critical mass and collapse under its own weight. Or perhaps they will congeal into the generic liberal yuppie group, which seems to be happening more and more now that hipsterism is becoming mainstream

  • iconoclasm - conquest (can't tell me what to do!)

    Hipsters shun mainstream societal conventions that apply to dating preferences and traditional “rules” of physical attraction. It is part of the hipster central dogma not to be influenced by mainsream advertising and media, which tends to only promote ethnocentric ideals of beauty. The concepts of androgyny and feminism have influenced hipster culture, where hipster men are often as thin as the women they date. The muscular and athletic all-American male ideal is not seen as attractive by confident and culturally-empowered hipster women who instead view them as symbols of male oppression, sexism, and misogyny. Likewise, culturally-vapid sorority-type girls with fake blond hair, overly tanned skin, and “Britney Spears tube-tops” are not seen as attractive by cultured hipster males who instead see them as symbols of female insecurity, low self-esteem, and lack of cultural intelligence and independent thinking. Hipsters are also very racially open-minded, and the greatest number of interracial couples in any urban environment are typically found within the hipster subculture.

  • brodybro93

    Yesterday I cussed out some old bag lady in walmart. Did I apologize? Nah I just kept cruisin for a bruisin. Another time my mom was like, "Clean your room, Brody" and I was like, "Uh, MOM, you don’t have a clean CUNT, I personally CHECKED." Think I apologized for that shit? FUCK no, I just kept on doin me. Last year my uncle was going to some place called Trannyvania to study some old ass dude named Brad Tapes or some shit and left his dog for me to watch while he was gone. When he left, I called up all my homeboys and was like PARTY OVA HERE YAALLLLL!!! Before I knew it my house was the phatest party on the block. One of my homies was doin a sweet can-opener of the fridge and landed on the dog hardstyle. It was dead, yo. But when my uncle got back did I apologize? Nah fool I farted on his old ass and then went back in and watched UFC! NEVA DIE!!!!!!!!

  • Lawrence

    In the countryside I saw 300-foot-high corpse-steerage rotundas and amphibian spina bifida dungeons. I was immediately hard.

  • Merkits

    “the greatest number of interracial couples in any urban environment are typically found within the hipster subculture”

    Actually that would probably be within the sorority group, who crave hefty amounts of thick black meat all the time. Also, whining about interracial couples is such a lame, obviously American issue. I’m glad I live in Eastern Europe where this is a non-issue because we didn’t bring in boatloads of slaves from undeveloped parts of the world to work for us.

  • =)

    weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    Come on, drink this!
    You like vegetable juice, don’t you?
    Iv’e decided that you must, right now!
    So drink up! My vegetable juice.
    Costs 200 yen

    I’ll agree with you, vegetable juice.
    Light bodied – vegetable juice.
    Most of all what I recommend,
    Is the green vegetable juice

    Vegetables!

    They’re bursting with life!
    Now you are too!

  • iconorgasm - conbreast (can't tell me I'm not gay!)

    “Hipsters shun mainstream societal conventions that apply to dating preferences and traditional “rules” of physical attraction. It is part of the hipster central dogma not to be influenced by mainsream advertising and media, which tends to only promote ethnocentric ideals of beauty. The concepts of androgyny and feminism have influenced hipster culture, where hipster men are often as thin as the women they date. The muscular and athletic all-American male ideal is not seen as attractive by confident and culturally-empowered hipster women who instead view them as symbols of male oppression, sexism, and misogyny. Likewise, culturally-vapid sorority-type girls with fake blond hair, overly tanned skin, and “Britney Spears tube-tops” are not seen as attractive by cultured hipster males who instead see them as symbols of female insecurity, low self-esteem, and lack of cultural intelligence and independent thinking. Hipsters are also very racially open-minded, and the greatest number of interracial couples in any urban environment are typically found within the hipster subculture.”

    durp

  • Jenna Rose

    Hannah Montana’s wearing my jeans,
    Ashley Tisdale’s wearing my jeans,
    Keke Palmer’s wearing my jeans,
    I can’t believe they wore those jeans like me.

  • Relativism

    I like to dip my cock in yogurt and have my cat lick it off the end. It feels really good, a cat’s tongue feels like sand paper! Then I like to poke around the cat’s anus with my dick and cum all over its fur. This is a totally valid activity.

  • @ Relativism

    I do the same but justify it with Nihilism because, like, there are no morals mayung, it’s all a Judeo-Christian construct bringing down the Overmanchild! I do this then I fap to Sailor Moon because Morbid Angel said so.

  • Some brutal BMs'

    You fools need to listen to some Five Finger Death Punch. They’re bringing old school death metal back correctly. They’re definitely one of the best.

  • Reality can be like, anything you want it to be, man!

    Well MR.relatisim, that makes you no better, nor worse then any other, it is just your personal preference!. It warms my heart to see so much diversity shine thru in these blog comments!

  • Sailor Scouts 4eva! ^__^

    “Reality can be like, anything you want it to be, man!”

    That’s, like, totally what Trey Azagthoth said!

  • Adrian McCoy

    I hate people who don’t listen to the music for the experience and the depth of knowlege to be understood by the music, but just marketing and social prestige that comes with saying they jsut heard the so call most “Brutal” and extreme band out there…

    most people are dumb, and listen to metla to socialize, they dont want to change sociaty and grow and develop with the music. It’s all just a joke to them…

    Oh yeah, FUCK KORN!!!!!!!!

  • Ben

    The new Burzum album has been described as “…a cross between Belus and something new, inspired more by the debut album and Det Som Engang Var than by Hvis Lyset Tar Oss or Filosofem.”

    This SEEMS LIKE it is a description of the album’s music, but really it is just a description of the “vibe”–the sonic equivalent of the hot-tub setting, you would say.

    So that is a higher-order failure than not-talking-about-the-music-at-all, but I think is a related one.

  • poopjokes

    I wish I could piss poop. I just wonder what it would feel like to squeeze out a turd through my penis.

  • Adrian

    It’s nice to know you’re not calling me a cocksucker anymore…

    And the reason people hype up shitty records is so that the record sells, even though its uttter garbage…

    Just look at horrorcore and nu-metal for example…

  • Negru Vodă

    The responses here are completely off the mark. Most people listen to music because they fucking like it, not socialize; if anything that could be set of the kvlt kiddie fanclub of ANUS-approved bands on this site. Who else would give a fuck about shit-turd bands like Crimson Massacre and Master, aside from people indoctrinated with the outpourings of Prozak’s rectum? What I would call as the “good” metal fans, who listen to mostly mainstream metal, listen to it because they like it AND THEN socialize with others, according to matching tastes, based on that. Compare that with the complete poser approach of xtreem black/death metal fans, who try to conform to a certain elitist/kvlt image set by the group, shunning “forbidden” bands, self-flagellating themselves for their “guilty pleasures”, expressing surprise when something sounds too good to them that’s not already accepted in their little clique, etc. Truly pathetic.

    Oh, and yes, it is better to analyze the message and meaning within songs rather than just passively listening to abstract noise; too bad that in black and death metal this message is about as deep as a sheet of paper. Music with an actual message can be found in completely different genres, even in other metal genres. The message in black and death metal boils down to either “boo hoo life sucks” or some butthurt kiddie fantasy about killing the Christians, presumably with Immortal’s ridiculous butterfly axes. I find it hilarious how people on this site seem to exclusively embrace music that preaches that latter message, post about how cool and “necessary” church burnings are, and then make posts on the forum about how it’s good to go to church and the good vibes they get from it. What a riot! Keep up giving the sane world something to laugh at, you conflicted, autistic losers.

  • po pi po pi po po pi po~

    po pi po pi po po pi po~
    po pi po pi po po pi po~
    po pi po pi po po pi po~
    po pi po pi po po pi po~

  • FREE BRUNHILDE!!

    Revolt against the ANUS world!!!

    spam the fuck out of ANUS blog posts until BRUNHILDE is un-banned from the metal froums!!

    Bring back BRUNHILDE, save the spirit of ANUS!!!

  • Negru Vodă

    Guys, I think I have a problem. Lately it seems that everytime I listen to some melodic death metal or power metal, my penis becomes extremely hard and all I can think of is homoerotic thoughts of dipping my cock in peanut butter and penetrating the anus of another man. This doesn’t seem normal at all…please help me.

  • Negro Vudă

    Ok, time to be honest: I only listen to music that is popular amongst black ghetto thugs. I love driving down a ghetto with some old school hip hop blaring out – I love singing along – but I daren’t say the N word!! So I pull up to some macho looking black thugs and roll down the window, extending my slender pale arm and gesture to the negro gentlemen:

    I say, ‘hey, you look like you’re packin’ some serious heat!’ and stroke their manly chest all the way down to their bulging package.

    ‘How about impaling this skinny white boy on your big black meat truncheon?’ The hood niggas jump in my car and we head to my apartment. I have several laminated posters of Hunter Hunt-Hendrix and 50 Cent on my walls and a collection of Wolves in the Throne room pictures cut out from various magazines next to a box of tissues…

    So, anyway, I tell the guys I prefer it raw – skin-to-skin, I don’t worry about catching ‘the bug’ – I actually find it exhilarating – take THAT middle class society!!

    I put some Agalloch on to set the mood as I and the thugs undress and prepare my anus by rubbing some low-fat cream cheese there and bend over a desk where my mac notebook lies and brace myself for a pounding:

    The guys take turns slamming my tight white ass – and guys, believe me, if you’ve never had black cock before – try it: you will NEVER go back!!

    After a nice hard session of gay thug sex with some transcendental black metal playing in the background I feel like a new man. Like I’ve been split in two, my brown ring leaking shit and negro thug cum dripping down my thighs.

    I’m a dirty whore. But I don’t play by society’s bourgeois, fascist rules. I’m a true individual and a transcendental idealist.

  • equally valid!

    ^ you are brave, unique, and diverse. People like you are the lifeblood of TROO culture.

    thank you so much, sweet prince.

  • John

    Hey Faggots,

    My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day listening to stupid ass transcendental black metal. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of Wolves in the Throne Room because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures of Stephen O’Malley on Metal Archives.

    Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was lead guitarist in an indie rock band, and session drummer for an Agalloch album. What music do you play, other than “the black ghetto thug’s skin flute”? I also get straight A’s in my post-feminist discourse class, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

  • Levy_Spearmen

    Chin up John boy. Your life isn’t over yet, so don’t slouch now. Get up, go outside, and shoot someone.

  • LOL YAY!!!!!

    GUESE HOW MUCH MOTHERFUCKING COFFE I DRANK..

    GO BRUNHILDE GO GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • :)

    @John: When you say “blew you,” don’t you mean “raped you in the ass with a (black) strap-on?”

  • Levy_Spearmen

    Be a drug dealer, a pimp. Make profit off of the underman’s misery and downfall. Lead them there with sugar coated baggies and cheap, dumb women. Amen.

  • Levy_Spearmen

    I’ll assume you are. What exactly are you going to do in life? Die? Big fucking deal, I’ll put you there myself.

  • Levy_Spearmen

    Also,

    “Be a 12 year old faggot trying to be edgy.”

    I guess most people deny sincerity in others as a coping mechanism for fear. No need to be that way with me, honey. It won’t help you.

  • Levy_Spearmen

    I used to be so confused about sexuality – I tried to suppress my homosexual tendencies – they scared me, ‘I’m not a fag!’ I said.

    But then someone told me – 1 out of 3 men have homosexual urges. I was far from alone. See, I have always lived like a ‘straight’ guy – no-one would know I like the dick. Sexuality isn’t binary, it’s fluid. You don’t have to be a ‘fag’ or a ‘bitch’ to be homosexual – and no-one will judge you, either.