Death Metal Underground

Women in metal

by Death Metal Black Metal
November 11, 2011 –

Some issues crop up again and again because they are unresolved.

Others crop up because they are stupid, and therefore attract idiots, who want to make drama out of them.

Each year, Revolver publishes a collection of features focused on female bands and band members (and often more inexplicable choices, like tattoo artists or actresses) replete with lots of big pictures splashed across its pages. Ostensibly, the goal is to provide exposure to the women of metal, and celebrate them for their talent and brains as well as their beauty—think Miss America’s “scholarship” competitions with less world peace and more devil horns. But the ladies’ musical backgrounds and achievements often play second fiddle to their luminous cheekbones or dangerous curves.

It usually ends up as Revolver’s highest grossing and most popular issue of the year. That doesn’t mean everyone likes it. Critics—I’m among them—ask why it is that the magazine sees the need to put together a “special edition” once every 12 months, instead of choosing to allocate equal coverage to start with. Revolver seldom gives in-depth coverage to female musicians or bands during the rest of the year; the women are almost always relegated to the now-regular “Hottest Chicks in Metal” one-page feature that graces each issue. The insistence upon segregation, separation, and sexuality has plenty of feminists baying for blood. – The Atlantic

Some women in metal want to have it both ways: they want to be a big deal for being women, and they want to pretend that we should just treat them like one of the boys. Neither is possible. It is impossible to notice the differences between people, including gender. Also, since we are biology, much of our agenda in life is to find attractive mates and if possible, reproduce with them.

“Women in Metal” as a thread or post has now occurred 75,000 times on the internet. Every single time it becomes this: women complaining about not being seen for who they are, while men post pin-ups of women in metal and ogle them like streetwalkers.

I have a suggestion for both groups: men, instead of trying to be all “gender neutral” by noticing women in metal “who are exceptional because not only are they in metal, but they’re women too” (you hear this line or variants of it a lot), stop pretending. Notice women for what they are and unleash your inner beast. You are here to drool. You could do it politely and maturely — well, that’s a bigger topic and out of reach for most, since metal attracts social retards along with the interesting people.

Women, try this: stop being two-faced about your gender. Either make it on your own merits, without the “and she’s a woman too” tag, or be comfortable being cheesecake and realize that it’s part of the rock ‘n’ roll culture. Rock likes easy sex because it’s growing up music for pimply teenagers. Face those facts. But stop trying to milk the woman angle when convenient, and then becoming “outraged” that someone would notice, after you’ve been whoring yourself out for years.

And to the writers at The Atlantic: I miss the old days of your publication, when you insisted that writers have both college degrees and functioning brains.

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10 comments

  • Mastodon guy, A.K.A. Princess of Cock

    Bitches have no place in metal!!! Metal is a place for men only, to engage in occult homoeroticism without society judging us. A woman could never understand the creative life force produced when sucking another man’s dick and listening to Mastodon. With my asshole and cocksucking skills, I am the only “woman” you need…

  • yeah

    Mythic did it on their own merit, and still get listens from me.

    So its not impossible, retarded whores.

  • Angela Gossow... THAT MEANS YOU!

    The sad/weird/pathetic thing is most of these metal chicks are pretty ugly to begin with, yet all these dorky metal fags still fawn over them like they’re perfect 10s, just because they’re “metal chicks.” It’s like how gamer fags will make a big fuss over any girl that plays games, even if she’s plain looking and generally unattractive. Makes me glad I stick with good ol chastity, virginity, and sun or solar metal!

  • serious assholer

    This is a great blogpost! Now maybe we can also finally get over “who’s the first to do what” and just focus on other great bands such as Hate Forest and Satyricon instead of blindly worshiping bands like Slayer and Burzum just because they were “the first” to make albums in a certain style. Being “the first” doesn’t make you special either, just ask my girlfriend!

  • the real Mastodon guy

    Disregard that, I only like chicks with dicks porn. Tiny midget’s mom was in one of those videos.

    Aside from that, I like pussy.