Me here. My Chevelle needed a new fuel pump and I was a fixin’ for some true renegade tunes. You know, something I can crack a beer to and hit on my cousins, all three of them. I found this here tune by a North Carolina boy by the name of Davey Vincent who was dressed in something he found in meemaws closet. I couldnt help but notice that he was tryin’ to do some sorta “Devil Went Down to Georgia” singing but you know, without a whiskey shot of sincerity. I swear I heard more faithful collard green tunes from that there California hipster Les Claypool and his Flying Frag Brigadiers man.
So there I was stacking washers when this boy started chugging like an old steamy on his acoustic guitar and let me tell you, it sounded more like one of them tight leather pants queers with their high pitches voices. You know, the singing a bull might do when you castrate him man. That heavy metal man by them Brits whose ass we saved from Hitler in WWII.
Now, I’m a patient man but what really blows my clutch here are these little ditties that try to, you know, remind me I’m listening to the good music of the lord as given to us by saintly men like Earl Scruggs but its really some Hollywood hootinany. What I really wanted here was a story; you know this mans life or at least something heartfelt. I did not get that here no sir. Davey boy is just another rich kid musician trying to cash in on proud coal mining country good boys. Now I didn’t vote for that liberal in disguise Trump who tried to tell us hard working Americans that we was not great and this here Vincent in his song said he was going to talk about how messed up this country is. Well if you was interested in this here flyover as them liberals call it country then I’d reckon a mention about how our coal mines are shut down them EPA suit bastards with their anti-MSG agenda looking to take our jobs. I swear this man talks about his high stakes online poker matches man.
Now, I’m a simple man just trying to tighten lug nuts by my bootstraps and I don’t understand none of that music development but this song didn’t seem to go anywhere despite the lyrics pretending otherwise. If I were to tell you step by step how to replace a carburetor actin’ up or how to remove rust from your coolant system with a little good old fashion baking soda and an electric current powered by a car battery, you’d get a better story than what this song is actually telling. I swear I must’ve heard the same two ideas repeated again and again with that there little guitar solo played by some hired gun since Davey has no idea what the hell hes doin’ playin’ this music.
And did I mention his skull rings? Why the hell you need to wear one on each finger there boy? You look like a damn fool and the type to try and buy me a drink at a bar but your motive as it were was something sexual. But I dig-dresses, this man here says he obliges the devil and looks forward to hell but let me tell you something brother, he don’t take this seriously. He don’t take Christ seriously. He certainly don’t take his music seriously. I looked this man up on that there Wikipedia and he was one of them gurgling cross dressers with their leather tights and long hair and makeup. Making them sounds you make after a fifth of Jack Daniel’s and a few accidental knife wounds. Now he fixin’ to trade in sperm for spurs and we ain’t having it. I did not do eight Civil War reenactments wearin’ a grey wool uniform in the blazin’ summer against General Sherman’s army so that some would be Yankee playing them British invasion tunes would be allowed to play our music for Hollywood bankers and queers man.