D. G. Yuengling & Son – Yuengling Light Lager

I went fishing in Pennsylvania today and forgot to bring water to prevent myself from dehydrating on the water in the spring heat. Not wanting to drink industrial run-off pond scum, I went to the bodega next to the bait ‘n’ tackle shop and pick-up the cheapest multi-pack of bottled water the store stocked: Yuengling Light Lager.

When I got on the water, it proved the right drink for a laid back day of no harvest trout fishing. Thank you Pennsylvania Fish & Boat Commission for not letting me catch fish to feed my growing family. Jesus would not be proud of you. The fizzy, caramel and corn flavored water was refreshing right out of the boat cooler normally used for the catch of the day. This so-called lager would be my only subsistence for the afternoon.

I drank all twelve of them and threw back all seven fish I caught. At only ninety-nine calories a bottle, they proved to be excellent carbohydrate-based nourishment for the day. As a so-called imitation of beer though, it proved physically impossible to even catch the slightest euphoric buzz: even when I drank four in a row, my body felt nothing but bloat. I was so gaseous I did not feel the need to wear a life-preserver in case I went overboard and the trout started nipping at my toes like Pennsylvania piranhas. I was confident I would float.

Yuengling Light Lager only comes recommended as a tap water replacement when in rust belt, polluted towns with lead-laced reservoirs.

Quality: **/*****
Purchase: */*****

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12 thoughts on “D. G. Yuengling & Son – Yuengling Light Lager

  1. GGALLIN1776 says:

    Invest in a lifestraw or military iodine tabs/a canteen, you ill prepared angler. Since you were at a lake there was also a good chance of a few clean springs in them thar hills. Moss works too. So does your own pee.

    All these options are better than yuckling. This heatstroke illusion of a tackle shop didn’t have Guinness or New Castle?

    Lastly, fuck game wardens. They can all eat my butt sludge. Here it’s over $200(freshwater only, separate one for salt….as if there’s some shortage of Atlantic sea life or the town/state stocks the FUCKING OCEAN) now for a fucking fishing license & there’s no way I’m paying that. I just fish where the wardens don’t go.

    1. reptile says:

      $200? where the fuck is that?

      1. GGALLIN1776 says:

        Ct, it’s actually $150 so I misspoke on the $200.. Exorbitant nonetheless. When I was a kid it was between $10 – $25. Check out what malloy did with the pistol/ammo/long arm permits, etc this year. I believe he more than quadrupled them (according to the NRA). I’d never turn a right into a revocable privilege via licensure but out of curiosity I asked a local ccl instructor what my cost would be (all inclusive with classes, printing, etc) & it’s over a grand. FUCK THAT. I’d still have to buy a carry piece & pay another fee for another background check, yada yada. Thank goat for 80% receivers haha.

        It’s always pissed me off, why do I have to pay to harvest “the kings land”….am I a serf in feudal Europe? I can understand charging/regulating commercial fishing & hunting as well as transit to absorb the cost of usage/prevent over harvest, but raping Joe Public is wrong. Your average citizen isn’t going out with trolling nets or taking down scores of animals nor are they hauling 90,000lbs of freight daily. That was the original idea behind license plates/vehicle tax, tax the businesses. But once greedy politicians get their hook noses in the tent, say goodbye to your money.

        1. reptile says:

          It says $120.00 non res for all waters plus firearm, its 40 for resident, hardly a fucking holdup given every state sodomizes the non residents. There is no “kings land” in america, this isn’t some faggy monarchy or sheepfucking theocracy, every US citizen has access to 500 million acres of public lands. Here is http://ctdeep.maps.arcgis.com/apps/webappviewer/index.html?id=58663e71ca114e439f7f3473836db929 a map of the public lands you have access to paid for by license fees. If you don’t want to go through the gun bullshit get a compound bow and hunt the hard dick way.

          1. GGALLIN1776 says:

            Are those current(site says last adjusted 2010 & other areas go untouched often)? I was going on hearsay with the cost but since malloy was in the news this year talking of raising all fees i wouldn’t be surprised if they were much higher.

            What I meant by kings land was, try hunting without a permit & get caught by the warden. Fines,loss of equipment, etc doesn’t sound very much like freedom, ya know?

            Either way I’ll give em a call Monday & see what the scumducks say.

  2. Drinking this probably makes those dutch bands sound good.


    This is a question for anyone who might read it.

    I own every Black Sabbath album up until Sabotage, I stopped there.

    Do you believe the album “Mob Rules” is the best album outside of their classic period?

    I read somewhere that is the album to get if you wanna buy another Sabbath album post 1975.

    1. Mob Rules is arguably as good as Heaven and Hell. Both great without a doubt. Born Again is also of interest, and another great one IMO. 13 is great if you can bear the modern production values. Dehumanizer is highly rated amongst big Sabbath fans, and while I couldn’t find much to complain about, I’m not quite sure about it yet. There’s definitely a little more to Sabbath than the classic Ozzy period.

  4. Let's only talk about Blasphemy and Craig Pillard says:

    You can tell the author is full of shit because of his “spring heat” opening. It’s been hovering in the 60s and 70s in PA. Fuck your Jewish LIES!

  5. reptile says:

    Maybe you could “provide fer muh family” if you weren’t in a catch and release cesspool drinking a case of beer to yourself. Buy a rifle and hunt big game like any logical person would. You could also consider learning to read the regulations provided to your ignorant ass and go to a place where you can keep fish.

  6. Your friendly neighborhood PSA says:

    Stop buying bottled piss

  7. Anthony says:

    Regular Yuengling is pretty great. Light beer of any stripe is usually shit

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