Toilet Ov Hell Come Out of the Closet

Metalcore commode Toilet Ov Hell saw our staff’s report on their recent cry-in over how we are actually critical.

Toilet Ov Hell responded by posting a recording of their group therapy session in the style of Dr. Phil. Sadly there were not “more jokes for ESL listeners” compared to the three or so that were in the first flashlight cry-in sleepover of Toilet Ov Hell. This time, they had to resort to your mom jokes and confessions best suited for a suicide hotline.

I have wasted my time picking out the highlights for the Death Metal Underground readership to enjoy:

“We did get the short end of the stick here. We got the guy who has been with them on the JV for a couple of weeks. Benchwarmer! We got fucking Rudy writing for us.”

“Daniel Maarat, he’s the finest metal blogger in deactivated Soviet Russia.”
“In Death Metal Underground, metal deaths you!”

“Sodomizing the weak? I don’t how that’s not gay at all.”

“You gotta jerk and twist, jerk and twist.”

“It’s only 500 words but only about six sentences as there are so many run-ons.”

“We are openly homosexual”
“Yeah that’s true, I am and I’m proud of it. I actually went to pride in Boston as I mentioned in the last podcast as I thought you would tell Death Metal Underground on me…”

“It’s a really interesting idea that there is something inherently bad or shameful about being openly homosexual or showing any kind of homosexual tendency. I don’t can’t quite get it as as far as I know homosexual behavior has been around since the beginning of mankind and it’s kind of pervasive across tons of cultures throughout history.”

“As like grown men who in relationships with women, it’s kind of hard to feel really insecure about our sexuality at this point. We’re not seventeen anymore. That question comes up at some point in everyone’s life where you go ‘Am I gay?’ and the answer is ‘No, not at all’ or ‘Yeah, yeah I am’.

“I think it’s not even that straightforward, I think that you know sexuality exists on a wavelength.”
“Yeah on a spectrum.”
“Yeah there’s the Kinsey scale people where it’s like ‘I’m not super particularly into women except for this particular kind of women at this particular time’ and that’s fine. Who the fuck cares?”

“Yeah I don’t know. I’m at a point in my life where I’m confident enough in my heterosexuality to say ‘Yeah, that dude is pretty bangable.’ It doesn’t phase me. I don’t see why it terrifies them so much that maybe some regular ass dudes can talk about some kind of other regular ass dudes being attractive in some form or another”

“Some people take themselves extremely seriously.”

“I’m not gonna lie guys, Outlaw Metal Alpha, sounds like a Japanese anime we should be watching.”

“I will tell you straight up Cullen, I am a socialist and it’s fucking awesome. So there’s no cultural marxism, it’s just Marxism.”

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25 thoughts on “Toilet Ov Hell Come Out of the Closet”

  1. GGALLIN1776 says:

    Toilet ov faggots. Who forgot to flush?

    1. death spiral says:



    This reads like some shitty talk radio.

    Round them up and put them out of their misery.

  3. National Socialism Is The Future says:

    Toilet Ov Hell epitomize the weak and poor within the metal community. Nietzsche and even Darwin would demand their staff’s public emasculation and execution because of their naturally inherent worthlessness to society

  4. Yuzerneigm says:

    Some folks shouldn’t breathe

  5. You know it, sweetie! says:

    Sounds like a certain blog is sad that the Toilet doesn’t find them attractive. You’ll find someone, guys!

  6. Deport All Hipsters says:

    “We are openly homosexual”
    “Yeah that’s true, I am and I’m proud of it. I actually went to pride in Boston”

    How does that make one openly homosexual? I thought it was about actually fucking people of the same sex.

    > more jokes for ESL listeners

    But but but… that’s racist. Why do they hate diversity? Or does it work only as long you’re American? No wonder SJWs fail to export most of their bullshit to Europe.

    1. Nevermind central and eastern Europe. Let’s see the SJWs versus the Serbs.

    2. LostInTheANUS says:

      I bet those faggots never had their assholes worked on by someone like me, they wouldn’t be able to walk straight for a month and a half, they’re probably too afraid to do anything beyond jerking each other off and eating each other’s cum.

    3. Necrotic Opthalmologist says:

      Hey D-Port All Hipsters,

      “We are openly homosexual”
      “Yeah that’s true, I am and I’m proud of it. I actually went to pride in Boston”

      How does that make one openly homosexual? I thought it was about actually fucking people of the same sex.”

      Fucking people of the same sex makes u homosexual. Actually going to Pride makes you openly homosexual.

  7. L.M. Nuts says:

    So you queers wanna fuck or what?

  8. They don’t know our secret, thankfully. Meet me in the Turkish baths, and be well-oiled.

  9. neutronhammer says:

    One can only imagine the pain Maraat must’ve endured sitting through that shit. Sound like bunch of bespectacled effeminate art school drop outs who volunteer at Needle exchange programs looking score a date

    1. A date with Hepatitis C.

  10. Trashchunk says:

    I really am trying to locate a time machine to give Hitler my band’s death metal demo, I bet he’ll like it and there’s will be our logo sticker on his car.

  11. innocent bystander says:

    DMU hates gays

    1. Some of us are on record multiple times in arguing for segregated tolerance of homosexuality, i.e. the creation of gay neighborhoods as Chinatowns and a return to the sensible idea that what people do in private should not be used to destroy them. Adam and Steve living in a bungalow together causes no social upheaval so long as the official story that they are “bachelors and traveling companions” is maintained. On the other hand, homosexuals like Kim Philby showed us that any deviation from the organic goal of a civilization can have the same problems as ethnic and racial diversity. It is a complex issue; on the other hand, political correctness sucks and calling things gay triggers the neo-Soviets, so it is always a good thing to do.

      1. whatever is dead says:

        “bachelors and traveling companions” — that’s ridiculous. you don’t rewind time, but you can learn from it. let’s let –everyone– call a spade a spade if they’ve got the balls. that being said, it should also be said that there is no such thing as a hate crime.

        1. you're gay says:


        2. Rainer Weikusat says:

          Assuming some people who live together for some reason don’t tell you what they do or don’t do at home — and why would they — how can you possibly know it and why would you want to?

          1. WE MUST
            WE MUST

      2. Dispirited says:

        I don’t think that creating ghettos for gays is in any way a good idea, or is justified at all. But it’s already in the language, that’s why you often hear or read of the LGBTQ “community.” What we need to do as a species is stop making gays feel special, or oppressed where they’re not, as well as help them overcome oppression where it exists. Other than that, communitarianism is poison.

  12. Necronomeconomist says:

    Damn, dude, this thread reminds me of 11th grade in the ’90s… Why do some of you niggas get so triggered about gayness? I don’t see how it really affects you.

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:

      Some years ago, someone with too much money on his hands ran side-long ads on busses in Reading Some people are gay. Get over it!. If I had had that much money to burn on nothing particularly useful, I had loved to run a counter compaign Some people don’t care. Get over that..

  13. Dispirited says:

    haha so-called ‘metalheads’ going to gay pride parades and parties make me laugh. I don’t see how participating in the dumbing down of society should be considered a virtue.
    And they should be embarrassed about those poor attempts at humour.

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