Muert – Ye Canariae Abezan (2017)

Muert are another one of those funderground bands pretending to play black metal.

What Muert are actually playing on Ye Canariae Abezan is thrash metal, id est crossover thrash to the uninitiated. All of the tracks on Ye Canariae Abezan are structured like that fusion of speed metal and hardcore punk. Riffing takes after many past bands in Muert’s record collection: the Cro-Mags, Pestilence, Unleashed, Blasphemy, Dismember et cetera. All of those guys are better than Muert as they made music to be listened to and not merely be the soundtrack to chug a generic Euro piss lager beer and run into staggering drunks in a circle pit. They even go so far as to steal from Dismember’s classic album closer, “In Death’s Sleep” on the awfully tedious “Crueldad Desde Islas Canarias”. Yes, recycling the past into pizza thrash is what Muert do.

Muert are simply another group of poseurs rehashing good metal from the past into mediocre rock music for millennial idiots who will be goofing off on their iPhones. Ye Canariae Abezan has no positive musical qualities other than reminding listeners of past, better albums. All Muert will succeed in doing is making Hessians turn off their crappy record and play The Age of Quarrel, Fallen Angel of Doom, Like an Ever-Flowing Stream, or Where No Life Dwells instead. The only entertaining part of this release are Muert’s ridiculous band pictures:

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27 thoughts on “Muert – Ye Canariae Abezan (2017)”

  1. Marc Defranco says:

    A couple of the guys on the cover look like Jesus exacting his revenge

  2. Syphilis says:

    Taco thrash excellence.

  3. Psychic Psych Toad says:

    Three upside down crosses hanging from your nuts is borderline tacky! Never go more than one per ball… In any case, real hessians would pierce their prostates, and have the crosses dangling out of their asses like earrings!

  4. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Note to Hammerheart: Have a look at this:

    That’s the kind of music this here badly fails to become. Low-fi production alone doesn’t cut it.

    1. Shut the fuck up. That shit sucks too, you retard. Just put on some GISM or something when Discharge gets too boring for your stupid ass and fuck the rest of the piss stained leftist crust bands pretending to be A Blaze in The Northern Sky right in their pencil necks. I don’t want to hear you namedrop your special fucking cancer band of the month and fuck you as well.

      1. Rainer Weikusat says:

        Could you please stick your meaningless polit-o-crap labels on fellow polit-o-crappers?

        1. Rainer Weikusat says:

          And BTW, neither the 2nd Darkthrone album (sort-of good but a rushed oddity) nor the two shitty 1980s hardcore bands have much in common with the Rust album (or with each other, for that matter). For want of age, I can’t tell much about the situation at the beginning of the 1980s but towards the end of it, the idea was that you have to like hardcore because this means you’re cool and Different (capital D required) even if this means self-deprecating shit like Lard (post-DK Jello Biafra project) while metalheads … well, they’re sort of dumbasses who headbang to Sodom despite that’s soo ridicolous but they just Don’t Get Irony!

          In this sense, take your Ameisebuechs and shove it.

      2. bustin makes me feel good says:

        just wanted to say that I agree with him and you’re an obnoxious autistic German fuckface

        1. Rainer Weikusat says:

          It should be possible to make a two line comment about a Swedish black/thrash metal band without causing all kinds of internet pseudonyms to explode because of all kinds of bizarre theories about the “nefarious hidden motivations” which must underpin such comments.

          There are none. Raw Shredding Death is available from Bandcamp as free download. Considering that this calls itself thrash, it’s obviously meant to be primitive. I voluntarily paid £6.66 for it in the hope that this would at least buy two beer in Sweden (probably a bit ‘optimistic’) and quite like it within the limits of what it is. It’s certainly a lot better than the Hammerheart record. If you don’t, fine, don’t download it. Or write some intelligible criticism, this could actually be useful/ interesting, instead of just letting your digestive system run in reverse after opening your mouth.

          1. bustin makes me feel good says:

            Up yours, sack breath.

          2. Trashchunk says:

            Fucking faggot, you talk funny.

  5. Morbideathscream says:

    Their band pics are funnier than Immortal’s infamously silly pics and it’s probably unintentional. They would probably succeed more if they were attempting to be a joke band.

  6. Tranny Horse Bukkake says:

    Red Pill of the day: Metal is boring.

  7. canadaspaceman says:

    You sure they aren’t wrestlers from CMML in Mexico ?
    They only look pissed off because they never got a chance to beat up Lion Heart Jericho as they were still diapers when he went back to America.

  8. What do you guys think of black doom metal?

    Abysmal – 1993

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:

      Sound somewhat like Godflesh but with wonky doom and black metal parts randomly thrown in … brrr …

    2. Marc Defranco says:

      Sometimes ok but for me too slow doom metal is boring and needs to get to the damn point

      1. Rainer Weikusat says:

        This is really more stoner heavy rock.

        Title track from some demo I used to own:

        To whoever this doesn’t ‘impress’: WTF? Impress youserself if need it.

  9. C.I.L.L. says:

    “Muert” sounds like the noise a zit makes when you squeeze it.

  10. Rectal Administr8er says:

    There’s too much going on in that band pic.
    *Chiefly, my nigga should not be barefoot, especially on a coastal crag.
    *Is he a Trappist monk gone wild?
    *Don’t hold a flag unless you’re actually displaying the flag. Otherwise, you’re merely waving a tangled sheet.
    *Why is the other dude covered in blood, especially (again) on a coastal crag? He sacrificed a beast further up past the water line, then came down still bloodied in time for the photo sesh.
    *You niggas need to harmonise your presentation. All Trappists, or no trappists. All Brooklyn hoodies/leather/skinny jeans a la Negative Plane, or none.
    *Don’t be at the ocean, don’t be in the daytime, don’t have 40 colours going on. Get your aesthetic figured out. Shit, the Beatles established that like 50 years ago.

    1. Gorgowocoa says:

      Youre kidding me right?? photo looks fuckin psycho and im so pumped for this relaese

      1. Rectal Administr8er says:

        I shit you not. I interpret their band pic to convey that they’re trying to hit too many aesthetic references at once, and it becomes a nonsensical hodgepodge.

        But I hope the album is great for ya!

  11. Trashchunk says:

    That dude in the middle is wearing a dress because is a faggot who likes penises in his mouth and rectum at the same time pumping in a vigorous motion.

  12. Nah nigga
    This album slaps bruh

  13. gog says:

    what ever happened to Lil midget
    I hope he found peace

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