USBM: A Revolution of Identity in American Black Metal (2020)

Pandering to the aging millennials who still blight the black metal scene, USBM: A Revolution of Identity in American Black Metal attempts apologize for writing a book about “racist and misogynist bands” while simultaneously attempting to celebrate the same “racist and misogynist” bands. This baffling move should ensure that both USBM fans and SJW posers alike take a hard pass on buying a book that hates the very scene it features while also hating the values it claims to propagate.

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COVID-19 Only Attacks When We’re Having Fun, Scientists Reveal

COVID-19 — the bizarre virus from Wuhan, China that is part HIV, part bat flu, and part pure demonic evil — only attacks when we are having a good time, scientists have revealed. This necessitates the closing of all bars, pubs, restaurants, concert venues, and record stores, but not tax offices, tire shops, or proctologists.

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Five Classical Albums Every Man Should Own

In a small departure from our regular Hessian content today, we are going to look into an important function of any community, which is passing on learning: those who experience life intensely and survive pass along what allowed them to not just survive but triumph, so that others can build on those lessons and discover even more success.

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Minneapolis Destroyed In Nuclear Explosion After “White Lives Matter” Banner Found

Defense Secretary Mark Esper invoked the Seventh Trumpet protocol by which United States government figures communicate directly with the population over radio, television, and internet channels simultaneously to announce that, after the discovery of a “White Lives Matter” banner in Minneapolis, the city was erased by a nuclear explosion.

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