Women in metal

Some issues crop up again and again because they are unresolved.

Others crop up because they are stupid, and therefore attract idiots, who want to make drama out of them.

Each year, Revolver publishes a collection of features focused on female bands and band members (and often more inexplicable choices, like tattoo artists or actresses) replete with lots of big pictures splashed across its pages. Ostensibly, the goal is to provide exposure to the women of metal, and celebrate them for their talent and brains as well as their beauty—think Miss America’s “scholarship” competitions with less world peace and more devil horns. But the ladies’ musical backgrounds and achievements often play second fiddle to their luminous cheekbones or dangerous curves.

It usually ends up as Revolver’s highest grossing and most popular issue of the year. That doesn’t mean everyone likes it. Critics—I’m among them—ask why it is that the magazine sees the need to put together a “special edition” once every 12 months, instead of choosing to allocate equal coverage to start with. Revolver seldom gives in-depth coverage to female musicians or bands during the rest of the year; the women are almost always relegated to the now-regular “Hottest Chicks in Metal” one-page feature that graces each issue. The insistence upon segregation, separation, and sexuality has plenty of feminists baying for blood. – The Atlantic

Some women in metal want to have it both ways: they want to be a big deal for being women, and they want to pretend that we should just treat them like one of the boys. Neither is possible. It is impossible to notice the differences between people, including gender. Also, since we are biology, much of our agenda in life is to find attractive mates and if possible, reproduce with them.

“Women in Metal” as a thread or post has now occurred 75,000 times on the internet. Every single time it becomes this: women complaining about not being seen for who they are, while men post pin-ups of women in metal and ogle them like streetwalkers.

I have a suggestion for both groups: men, instead of trying to be all “gender neutral” by noticing women in metal “who are exceptional because not only are they in metal, but they’re women too” (you hear this line or variants of it a lot), stop pretending. Notice women for what they are and unleash your inner beast. You are here to drool. You could do it politely and maturely — well, that’s a bigger topic and out of reach for most, since metal attracts social retards along with the interesting people.

Women, try this: stop being two-faced about your gender. Either make it on your own merits, without the “and she’s a woman too” tag, or be comfortable being cheesecake and realize that it’s part of the rock ‘n’ roll culture. Rock likes easy sex because it’s growing up music for pimply teenagers. Face those facts. But stop trying to milk the woman angle when convenient, and then becoming “outraged” that someone would notice, after you’ve been whoring yourself out for years.

And to the writers at The Atlantic: I miss the old days of your publication, when you insisted that writers have both college degrees and functioning brains.

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Trust Me, I’m Dr. Ozzy

Wondering if science could explain how he survived his 40-year avalanche of drugs and alcohol, Ozzy Osbourne became one of a handful of people in the world to have his entire DNA mapped in 2010. It was a highly complex, $65,000 process, but the results were conclusive: Ozzy is a genetic anomaly. The “Full Ozzy Genome” contained variants that scientists had never before encountered and the findings were presented at the prestigious TEDMED Conference in San Diego-making headlines around the world. The procedure was in part sponsored by The Sunday Times of London, which had already caused an international fururoe by appointing Ozzy Osbourne its star health advice columnist. The newpaper argued that Ozzy’s mutliple near-death experiences, 40-year history of drug abuse, and extreme hypocondria qualified him more than any other for the job. The column was an overnight hit, being quickly picked up by Rolling Stone to give it a global audience of millions. In TRUST ME, I’M DR. OZZY, Ozzy answers reader’s questions with his outrageous wit and surprising wisdom, digging deep into his past to tell the memoir-style survival stories never published before-and offer guidance that no sane human being should follow. Part humor, part memoir, and part bad advice, TRUST ME, I’M DR. OZZY will include some of the best material from his published columns, answers to celebrities’ medical questions, charts, sidebars, and more.

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Hipster “metal” is not metal

Total hipster doublejargon:

Boris [has not been a] heavy metal band at all. From the first day, we have never called ourselves as heavy metal. However, we are totally fine if everyone calls us a heavy metal band. We have been doing what we like and as a result we welcome if everyone says so, puts a tag on us or categorizes in specific genre. – Phoenix New Times

We aren’t, but if our fans are stupid and insist upon it, then that’s real to them and we are. For dollars.

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Demoncy “Enthroned is the Night” release date set

Demoncy “Enthroned Is The Night” Update

Everything should be ready to put this to press by late next week. Rough estimated release time for this is now end of November/early December. Thanks to all who have preordered and who are planning on preordering.

Graveland – Following The Voice Of Blood CD is now being pushed back to end of December. Preorders will start December 1st.

Forever Plagued Records

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A semi-heroic act

From the distant files:

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A man has pleaded guilty to threatening to kill members of the band Korn.

Adrian McCoy, of Sacramento, pleaded guilty in federal court last Friday to threatening the band.

The prosecutor told ABC23 that McCoy made threats on a metal underground-related Web site in January of 2006. While metalunderground.com did not confirm if McCoy made threats against Korn on their site, one user using the name, LordAgony, was kicked off the site at that time for making threats against the band, saying he wanted the band destroyed.

On Jan. 7, 2006, LordAgony wrote, “You cannot possibly fathom how much I wish to utterly destroy this band….”

Specifically, the prosecutor said McCoy threatened to slit the band members’ throats and kill their family members.

McCoy’s attorney said in court that his client was taking medication for mental issues. – Channel 23

Semi-heroic, in that it was talked about, not done.

But still, should killing numus be illegal, when we have 7 billion humans?

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