Editor Changing of the Guard

Death Metal Underground readers may have noticed the output of material posted to the site over the last couple of months has slackened with regards to articles and Sadistic Metal Reviews.

This is ultimately as I was forced to return to my homeland for fear of deportation as my visa had expired. Much rejoicing was initially had and I was partying all the time with my friends and family who were most exuberant about my return but soon it became apparent that my access to the internet would be much more limited here than in the USA. This limited internet time is due to degenerative elderly neighbors discovering perverted vices of internet pornography when before when I was merely just a boy, all they had were the fluffy hair of local domestic animals and staring at the shapes under the skirts and sweaters of school girls at the bus stop for pornography was not prevalent. Moreover it is not usually later at night due to losers’ daily masturbatory schedules. Very little accessible time is available for me to edit the staff submissions, scour web for real metal news, and stream new promotional materials for Death Metal Underground’s trademark Sadistic Metal Reviews. Additionally, keeping up with Dr. Jones has forced me to delay several articles of mine due to the obligation of updating website and keeping the stones rolling down the hill.

So I resign as Editor. I will myself continue to drink and sodomize all the weak. Preferably vodka and beer; gin straight not so great on the plate. Right now I am drinking Guinness stout in the bottle, non nitrogen version, as it tastes damn good warm. Roasty and chocolatey and all the like flavors unlke Pabst Blue Ribbon swill shilled by trucker-hatted swine who shave once a month with potbellies. That is what the modern rehash metalcore exists for: a purpose for disgusting men can drink creamed corn seltzer water next to ugly women who smoke. In my homeland, these types ofmen usually shampoo more often and women who look like that would be beaten by the police back in the 50s and sent to reeducational facilities for looking like prostitutes where they would have facial piercings ripped out and if head buzzed on a weird place, then whole head shaved down to scale so that they contemplate their degenerate behavior. I of course will finish those articles I have been talking about lately. They need to see the light of the day from beneath the moonlight illuminated rocky hillsides of my country where the intoxicated stupid idiots fall to doom.

To keep the stones rolling, the editorship has been passed to Titus Pullo as of this weekend as he shares my hate and disdain for the poseurs and the inferior who are currently chewing, digesting, and excreting the past into rock music for scenesters and hipsters who want metal to be the interchangable background music to a degenerative scenester lifestyle like American commercials for cruise ships promising island getaways but making sure to not mention the reality of intestinal infections and stench from being confined with fat people eating frozen food for a week. The labels love it as they can shill everything new to idiots and sell thousands of copies of every record put out by attention whore assholes with tatttoos who steal riffs from a record that was popular over twenty years ago. Stupid people like it as they have more distractions they can play at their pathetic hourly jobs mopping up piss in the bathroom of a Starbucks. It must all be destroyed; the scene must be dentonated, the shill labels emaciated, and the poseurs humiliated. Titus also has expressed strong musical opinions about classic metal and wishes to write about bands not commonly discussed on the Death Metal Underground over the past few years for reasons unknown to all. He wants to force genuine quality down your throats with his whole arm. May the hate flow through him!

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40 thoughts on “Editor Changing of the Guard”

  1. Frank Booth says:

    Now is the time for you to get saved from hell before you leave

    That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. Romans 10:9

  2. Marc Defranco says:

    Well thanks for the good times/articles Daniel

    1. Nom de plume says:

      Seconded

  3. 1349 says:

    You have interesting syntax and, at the same time, are flaming-hearted as if you’re a real drunken Slav. Actually thanks for some of your articles and for keeping DMU alive. Good luck in your new projects.
    Titus Pullo is probably Italian? )))

  4. national geographic nipples says:

    Whatever happened to Brett? is he the George Lucas of dmu, bloated and satiated in the act of basking in his legacy?

  5. Seth says:

    Well, your reviews aren’t bad, they’re well assessed, so I hope you’ll contribute now and then.

  6. I listen to Burzum's new ambient music and watch Thulean Perspective says:

    You weren’t the best.

  7. METALWILLNEVERDIEWOOPSITSDEAD says:

    Godspeed ye sir. You’re definitely one of the better editors to have taken up the role for this site over its lifespan.

  8. GGALLIN1776 says:

    Continue the butt rape back home then come back stateside. We need immigrants that aren’t leeches & who sodomize the weak.

  9. Robert says:

    Thank Satan! Bring Brett back! We need more metal reviews and less tobacco and pipe reviews.

    1. I listen to Burzum's new ambient music and watch Thulean Perspective says:

      Agreed.

      Brett, stop being a faggot (writing reviews of Gilmoore Girls and flight simulators and doing amerika.org articles that are better left to alternative right.com) and do what you were born to do.

  10. Banning Imposition because his music sucked and deleting troll comments. The christianity begun with championing Serpent Ascending and thinking earliest Morbid Angel was worth listening to because Mike Browning. This sites a joke. Separate it from DLA if you have any sincerity left.

    “The labels love it as they can shill everything new to idiots and sell thousands of copies of every record put out by attention whore assholes with tatttoos who steal riffs from a record that was popular over twenty years ago.” I guess Desecresy and Imprecation wont be on the best of list this year then.

    1. I listen to Burzum's new ambient music and watch Thulean Perspective says:

      No. Just delete this site and resurrect the DLA.

      Brett gutted the DLA. Took down all the labyrinthine content out and now it’s just a shell.

    2. Xavier F says:

      A useful prescience about politics in dark themed bands can be derived from the lessons learned in this recounting of the rise and fall of black metal. DMU is under the grip of Catholic morality while recognizing it is unable to vanquish it, but colors itself pink in its attempt to lambast the ignorant.

  11. Kyle says:

    Get lost then, faggot. I liked your articles and SMRs but if you can’t hack it then I hope someone like Rutger Hauer fucking kicks your ass. Hails

  12. S.C. says:

    You won’t be missed! You’re a terrible writer and a seemingly all around unpleasant person with no redeeming qualities. America is thankful you went back to where you cane from, and DMU is thankful they don’t have to read your shitty writing anymore. Thanks for nothing.

  13. Psychic Psych Toad says:

    Let’s keep his dead tranny-corpse around to fart in his mouth, fill his lungs with gas, and push down on his chest to force the escaping wind to
    create vocalizations similar to The Princess Bride.

    “Hello in there? Hey moron, what makes life worth living?” We inquire.
    After stepping on top of his girly little ribs, Daniel’s wheezing response sputters cold rotten cum from his angelic lips as he groans “Vegan transgender feminism, PBR, NWN, and Averse Sefira…”

    Daniel’s answer proves he is in his own private heaven! His thoughts in death are occupied by the same vices that once ruled every iota of his mortal prostate. Daniel’s dead body never makes it back to his disgusting and diseased third world homeland and inbred family of circus midgets. His one dream in life was to be the best damned editor the internet has ever fucking seen, and now that’s gone forever!

    Good riddance… I mean good luck!!

    You reminded me of a kid I used to know growing up here in Kingwood, Texas “Andy Marat” or something like that… anyways when he was in the 7th grade he shot his Mom in the head for burning his Megadeth cds. I heard he is out of prison now, and I always entertained the thought that you might be him with a slightly deceptive pseudonymn!

      1. Psychic Psych Toad says:

        Oops May I ask your permission to sodomize you?

  14. blind guardian & hentai says:

    Farewell, Daniel! From the bottom of my heart, I wish you nothing but a Noble, Pure, and Fulfilling Life — with days of fantastic adventure, nights of mirth and gaiety with your friends & family, and mayhaps a cute lil’ anime gal to respect and adore with all your heart!

    d^__________^b

  15. technical brutal progressive briandance says:

    Dan, I challenge you to a fist fight. If I win, you must admit that Eternal Champion are kvlt.

  16. Pepe says:

    LMAO. Lot of butthurt coming through for the editor that actually hung around the longest. I hope we can keep the war-metal thing going afte he gon dough

    1. Titus Pullo says:

      Sodomize the Weak!

  17. G says:

    Going back to Israel bro? Well best of luck and thanks for all your hard work and long hours at DMU! Godspeed!

  18. Jase says:

    Looking forward to the change as this place got mighty circle-jerky and no quality recently

  19. CptS60 says:

    Phase 1 Operation Irishman complete: Maarat psychologically strongarmed into retirement and bulk of userbase reacting heavily to war-metal decoy. Proceed with plan Alpha.

    1. CptS60 says:

      Shit. Please delete that. Wrong window.

      1. intpaki says:

        I’m laughing at all of you

        1. Patricia's Stereo says:

          NO

  20. I'm black says:

    I thought u was funny dan
    Goot luck up inda phootcha nilka

  21. Cullen Toner says:

    Damn! Bummed to hear this. The Maraat era of DMU was beyond legendary and will go down as the most fucked up jourmalism in metal history. Throughout the most volatile parts of America’s culture wars he led the battle for metals soul. When every single metal site on the internet was spewing SJW sjilling and marxist garbage Daniel singlehandedly led the opposition campaign. Impressive how long the savagery ws upheld.

    Best of luck to ya back in the motherland buddy, honored to have been part of the ride. Thanks again for the solid edits on so much adderall infused verbal diarrhea

  22. Reduced Without Any Effort says:

    Deporting Maarat just might be Trump’s greatest legacy as president. The issue with Maarat’s tenure as editor is that it focused far too much on what is wrong with metal, to the point where a large percentage of all published articles were on bands and albums that no self-respecting metal listener would be caught dead listening to. I and presumably other readers would rather see 1,000,000 articles on the musical qualities of Hvis lyset tar oss than that many articles on 1,000,000 different bands, none of which are good. If you want to blow up the scene and get rid of what is ill in it, exile the poseurs by refusing to cover them. deathmetal.org should refuse to review or mention any artists or albums that have no redeeming qualities rather than using them for cheap filler articles.

    1. I'm black says:

      Yeah, yeah,yeah… the shit’s funny tho

    2. +1 says:

      I fapped

  23. bustin makes me feel good says:

    thhppppppthhhhhh

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