How to write bad black metal: the hot tub

On an intuitive level, we can tell that some black metal sucks, and some is good. The difference mostly has to do with the state of mind of the musicians.

When a musician is in a sane frame of mind, they want to show us a journey that parallels life. They are passing along learning, as all art does, but they’re doing it in a form that shows us the experience, and not the conclusions.

Lazy musicians, propagandists and idiots take another approach. They view a song as a binary proposition, with a good and a bad represented directly by parts of a song.

You can see this in all boring or pointless art: there is no journey, no struggle, no learning. The characters or objects in the art face a dark evil, then suddenly see the light, go to the other side and everything is OK. That light can be God, Satan, liberalism, Nazism, sex, drugs or any ideal. It’s just a very basic technique that’s common to people who haven’t thought through the whole “art” side of music.

To them, it’s just music. You find something that sounds cool and hey, that’s all there is to it. This is what mature artists hate about jazz and avantgarde music. They hate “music for music’s sake” that it means nothing, so it either comes with some baggage of theory to “explain” it, or is like that art exhibit where you see a stuffed rabbit impaled with a dildo sitting on a Bible wrapped in a condom, and you’re supposed to think it’s profound.

And when you think about it, all really great art resembles some struggle we’ve faced in our lives. Early black metal sounded like social isolation and a yearning for more in life. It sounded like a rejection of the comfortable sounds of the blues and church music, replacing it with minor key distorted hellhavoc from which elegant melodies somehow emerged. Not what you expected? Or more likely, what you experienced: when you get away from the crazy crowd, and look at nature and your own soul, you find something of greater value than the callow affirmation of “we can all get along, honest” peers.

Bad black metal — and bad metal in general — suffers under what I call the “hot tub” syndrome. Because it is binary, and has a good state and a bad state, and wants us to go from bad to good, the song can have only one major event: the transition. Because that transition cannot be explained by the art itself, but requires added “theory,” it’s random. As a result, the song needs a lot more embellishment to make the transition believable at all.

The result is a lot like this:

Eddie Murphy – James Brown’s Celebrity Hot Tub

We sing a song of the hot tub — how great it will be to be in the hot tub, how cold it is out here, how lonely we are outside the hot tub, etc. ad nauseam. Then we get into the hot tub, and how warm it is! And then the song ends.

Watch your favorite terrible black metal bands and pay attention to how they compose the songs you hear. Are they two-tone, in/out of the hot tub songs, or like early black metal, are they epics that slowly and subtly build to a point where you are ready to make whatever steps are necessary to get in the hot tub?

0 thoughts on “How to write bad black metal: the hot tub”

  1. thelovemachine says:

    Eddie Murphy’s as kvlt as they come.

  2. Glory says:

    new immortal has one of the worse cases of “hot tub” syndrome ever.

  3. Adrian who thinks anus is retarded says:

    What the fuck does James Brown have to do with black metal? I fail to see your point…And no I’m not stupid, I just think Vijay is just too white to understand black peoples music…

    Besides, I’d rather listen to James Brown than most metal bands today anyway…

  4. Adrian McCoy says:

    And you’re a dork Ray, no one gives a flying fuck about your gay ass theories about black metal accept yourself…

    And I’ll be dead honest with you, I think black metal sucks ass too..FUCK MALLCORE!!! FUCK BLACK METAL!!! LONG LIVE DEATH METAL!!!

    I’m thinking about checking out Nile’s new record…sounds very interesting if you ask me…

  5. Jesus says:

    @ commentors: the song is being used as a metaphor you fucking morons. It has nothing to do with James Brown or Eddie fucking Murphey.

  6. thelovemachine says:

    Yeah, really. Whoosh!

  7. fuck says:

    Nile isn’t worth the mention.. sure it sounds ‘interesting’ because of all of the retarded egyptian gimmick, but its the same shit as the rest of the modern ‘technical’ metal. Adrian, you are stupid.

  8. Adrian McCoy says:

    BTW, I haven’t sucked a cock in a while, any big juicy black guys wanna cover my face in spicy hot jizz?

  9. Thundersong says:

    So that’s how you guys do it over in the Cascades huh Adrian?

  10. Kvlty McKvlterson says:

    WHAT IS THIS I DONT EVEN

  11. the sythesist says:

    IF YOU CAN’T HANG, HATE, RIGHT? YA’LL FUCKING HATERS TILL THE END, I GUARANTEE YOUR GETTING “LEFT BEHIND” IF YOU KEEP THIS RIDICULOUS FETISH THAT YOU SO DESPERATELY DEFEND UP.

  12. Adrian McCoy says:

    Do you assholes really think I care what you do or do not like?

    Nile kicks ass, You don’t need lame assed big dictionary worded reviews or narcissistic analyzations of my comments or other peoples comments to figure that out…

    As if you knew what real metal sounds like, most of the bands reviewed on this site are has-beens or sound like shit, sure Obituary kicks ass, but you reveiw their lamest record? WTF?

    Fuck you and fuck black metal elitism…And death metal elitism too…Nobody cares what you think is real or false metal…

    And grow a dick before ask me to suck yours fuckfaces…

  13. Ezekiel Hatfield says:

    What in tarnation!?!? them dam gum McCoys again??? ooooooh whyIoughta!!! [shakes fist @ Adrian]

  14. Adrian says:

    I like your humor Ezekiel, maybe this website isn’t so bad after all…

    Long live death metal!!!

  15. ICP IS RETARDED says:

    I wish icp would just die…or Slayer would just kick their sorry asses…

  16. thelovemachine says:

    Whoosh again! Anyway, can’t wait to see Nile’s performance on American Idol next week, they’re gonna rock the hizzouse!!!

  17. Bill Hicks says:

    Eddie Murphy was HILARIOUS back in the day, you gotta admit it

  18. Brix Marlin says:

    “Kvlty McKvlterson”

    That’s funny. Prozak’s bloviated prose, however, is just as mind-numbing as ever. It gives me gout.

  19. Mike Gainer says:

    WHAT THE FUCK DOES SNL HAVE TO DO WITH BLACK FUCKING METAL? SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS ARE REACHING…

  20. T.G. says:

    I think I want to stop listening to metal now, as everyone involved in it seems to have an intense desire to scream like a young girl when someone expresses an opinion that either varies from their own, or sets any sort of standard. WUT DA FUK U DUNT LIK OPETH!? EVR1 SHUD LIK WUT I LIK, FUK U!

  21. HATE says:

    I like this mini-article it’s well thought out

    The comment section, however, is only getting worse :)

    It looks as if the real Adrian only spoke his words 1 time but his zombified personality is carried over by 10 people who have nothing better to do or to say

  22. Prozak says:

    ya srsly, dese people is blockheadz and should be shot

  23. Thundersong says:

    I could use some nigger baby juice in my mouth right about now.

  24. The Adrian McCoy who thinks he's making up for his cocksucking ways by impersonating Thundersong says:

    Disregard my impersonation of Thundersong, I suck cocks.

  25. Adrian McCoy says:

    I think you should all grow cocks before telling me to suck them. That way, when you tell me to suck cocks I’ll have cocks to suck.

  26. Adrian's Boyfriend says:

    yeah, you tell ’em Adrian! what he said!

  27. Adrian says:

    I’m picky about my cocks.

  28. Thundersong says:

    I think Adrian needs a hug. Then a swift kick to the gonads.

  29. Amber says:

    What’s wrong with sucking cock?? I could tell I’m the only girl here…

  30. Thundersong says:

    I’d prefer to go the drudkhroute here and not go against nature and suck cock. It must be made clear however, that I completely support your individual decision on this one, you having a tooter and all ;)

  31. James Brown once held up a radio station with a shotgun while high on PCP, then lead police on an interstate car chase. Don’t even try to compare modern black metal to the monument of awesomeness that is James Brown. Modern metal bands are mostly awful, WE FUCKING GET IT ALREADY.

    PS: It looks like too many people are mocking to do the “I suck cocks” bit on all of them. For the record, I suck cocks.

  32. James Brown says:

    SAY IT LOUD, I SUCK COCK AND I’M PROUD!

  33. steve says:

    HEY THIS IS STEVE. DOES ANYONE WANT TO BE FRIENDS? PLZ EMAIL ME THX1

  34. fuck says:

    satanic torture, james brown, and steve is all the same person. Therefore all three of them must suck cocks.

  35. steve sucks cocks says:

    STEVE IS A FAG

  36. Bolos says:

    Black Metal always sucked bro. And don’t you ever get tired of repeating the same shit? Isn’t 10+ years of it enough? For chrissakes look for some other music beyond metal, or at least a different genre of metal.

  37. T.G. says:

    There’s quite a bit of music beyond metal promoted at the website.

  38. you know who says:

    atenci

  39. Adrian McCoy who loves pussy not cock says:

    Man I’m having a blast on this website…Your retardation is making me chuckle like you would’nt believe…

    Do you call me a cocksucker just because I am right (I.E) smarter than you? Well if that’s the case, I feel sorry for you, you should’nt call yourselves metalheads if you can’t take other peoples opinions….

    I do however wish the following chicks would suck and ride my cock:

    Michelle Rodriguez
    Jennifer Lopez
    Zuleikha Robinson
    Lady Sovereign
    Nicole Scherzinger
    Britney Spears
    Soledad O’brien
    Kim Kardashian
    Christina Aguilera
    Kimora Lee Simmons
    Navi Rawat
    Tia Carrere

    Man I’d love to bang these chicks!!!!

  40. The Adrian with 86 IQ points that is an obvious homosexual says:

    I just realized any old faggot can look up females that the majority of straight men would probably fuck and write down a list to hide my faggotry, so disregard that. I suck cocks.

  41. Adrian McCock says:

    I’m craving the cock, I love to suck it, I love to get sucked and I love cock in my rectum. I’m a homo-fiend and I ain’t ashamed. I prefer black guys, they really know how to treat me like the dirty little bitch I am.

    I like to get bent over and have guys slap my ass hard, I like smearing hot cum all over my face. I like guys to shit on my chest and spit in my mouth. I like to listen to Pantera and Wolves in the Throne Room whilst ball-deep on an African-American stud.

  42. god says:

    The McCoy Quotient:

    [(the distance below zero of one’s IQ) / (how many inches he can deepthroat)] x [(the number of Jay-Z posters on his wall) + (the number of Nile albums he owns)]

    Look it up!

  43. Adrian who's going to kill you... says:

    Keep it up guys, you know I could kick your sorry asses if I could find you…

    As a matter of fact, why don’t you fucks call me at 1-916-856-6570 and we’ll set a date for when we can fight! We’ll see who’s the real cocksucker…be ready for an asswhoppin of epic proportions!!!

  44. Adrian the man who's right says:

    As a matter of fact, if you don’t call me before the end of the week, you can never say anything else bad about me again…

    You got that assholes?

  45. Adrian says:

    got the call, i suck cocks.

  46. Adrian McCocksucker says:

    Keep it up guys, you know I could FUCK your sorry asses if I could find you

  47. Thundersong says:

    Quote Adrian McCoy:
    “I feel sorry for you, you should

  48. Adrian McCoy who hates you guys!! says:

    You’re all a bunch of morons, I could fuck you up and you know it. Bring it bitches, I am not kidding. Anyone wanna fuck with me? I’ll kill you and they won’t even find your body.

  49. Adrian McCoy's Sister says:

    Adrian used to touch me inappropriately. :(

  50. jezushkeyriste says:

    Didn’t this guy already play the “call me let’s fight” card a few blog posts ago? The “FUCK MALLCORE!!!” guy?? Who in the mother fuckin hell….well anyway, it’s bad enough that we have to drive on the same roads with the invertebrates of the world. Now they want us to “call” them as if we would EVER even consider indulging them (only invertebrates call other invertebrates). Lowlifes can bluster all they want but it will never relieve that nagging inferiority complex, and it will never make Nile not suck. All bluster does is show that they got their fragile little feelings hurt, and peels back even more layers of that disturbing freak show that we all must endure. Ready to tie up a noose ’cause your Pantera-weenie pals are all who ever call you, huh? Well if you’re looking for someone to stop you, you’re looking in the wrong place. BLUSTER ALL YOU FUCKING WANT, you are a 1-916-856-PUTZ.

  51. Adrian says:

    Your verbal attacks have really upset me, I’m in a deep depression. I have no friends, only my Pantera CDs and posters that I talk to sometimes.

    In truth, I’m 43 years old, I live with my mother and I’m a virgin. I fantasize about black gay thug sex but don’t have the confidence to suck a stranger’s cock. I like to rub my dick in my mother’s slippers and pretend its 50 Cent’s hot asshole.

    I just need a hug :(

  52. TJ Kincaid says:

    Hi. I’m an over-weight American living in the South and I am totally diggin’ the newer USBM bands. For instance, Krallice live is truly something to behold. After checking them out at the inaugural Scion Fest last year, intense psychedelic black metal had me captivated with every turn after twisted turn their music took. Most of the time there weren

  53. T.G. says:

    I seriously bet that everyone who reads any of the material at ANUS.com thinks that everyone who doesn’t agree with them fits the portrait that Adrian McCoy created. I mean, it’s not like people here just appreciate the ideas and like the music without any club-house pretentiousness, right? That would be silly!

  54. T.G. says:

    Disregard that, I suck cocks.

  55. T.G. says:

    Grr, how did you figure that out carbon-copy!? I’m so angry now.

  56. Cargast says:

    Far too many trolls.

  57. Gay Jesus Hitler Vijay Prozak says:

    Yeah, it’s not funny anymore.

  58. ANUS fanbot says:

    me thinks the web’s anus has a bigger tent than you give it credit for.

  59. ANUS fanbot says:

    …that came out wrong.

  60. /b/tard says:

    am post adrians number all over /b/

  61. Karl Sanders says:

    HERP DERP

  62. Adrian McCoy who loves Krallice and all other forms of Post-Black Metal faggotry and pudding pops says:

    I totally agree with you T.J. Kincaid, Krallice is awesome. You know who’s the clear superior though? Sluts in the Boom Room destroys them! I saw Nerds in the Home Room live and was changed radically by all of the hippie women there. I now know that hippies are the core black metallers of America. Thank you Boners in the Bath Room for such an awakening experiences.

  63. Adrian McCoy who loves big cocks in his ass says:

    Belus is a great album, too. Before that I never understood his work, but Belus is a masterpiece of homo-eroticism.

  64. Count Adrian von McCockinbutt XVIII says:

    Belus is a masterwork of monumental proportions. I love how Warg decided to jump on board the whole art-rock bandwagon and do the things that Sunn O))) and Drudkh and Bums in the Soup Room are doing. It’s only natural to copy what other hip musicians are doing on the moment. I mean, you’ll never make money any other way guys, c’mon…

    But look, I love you all, in my ass of course.

  65. Adrain who's tired of your punkasses says:

    I’m no longer posting on this website…you’re all clearly losers and I want nothing to do with you…

    Fuck off!!!

  66. god says:

    ass the door hit you let in the don’t

  67. Anonymous poster to the Anus Staff says:

    HIGH FIVE!

  68. fuck says:

    holy shit i love whoever did those last three adrian impersonations.

  69. Adrian who's back for more cocks says:

    Disregard that, I suck cocks. Anyone willing to sell me a Karl Sanders poster? Mine’s gotten a bit sticky.

  70. thelovemachine says:

    Kentucky Fried Chicken? Well damn he can’t be all bad.

  71. fuck says:

    KFC isn’t food, its poison.

  72. Adrian McCoy is obviously a practical joke played by those characters at DLA says:

    sheesh / jeez

  73. Adrian McCoy is obviously a real life person who lives in California and sucks REAL cocks says:

    wat

  74. Looking for hot sweaty gay sex says:

    Is that a legit phone number? I’m horny and wearing a Xasthur shirt.

  75. lol says:

    it is. he’s a homo.

  76. The Adrian McCoy that hangs up on people with legitamate questions says:

    I SUCK COCKS

  77. Adrian McCoy who's a CoF apologist, red and anarchist bowel movement supporting with a pinko commie themed dildoe business run out of CA, long awaiting a business takeoff, but will forever exist under the shadow of his daddy's trust fund which he knows th says:

    Beat Me Jesus

  78. Adrian's father: the Real McCoy says:

    Would you quit fucking off and get back to your homework, you stupid little shit!?

    p.s. – I’ll see you under the cover’s tonight, you little bastard.

  79. Douchebag Darrell, Adrian McCoy's Lovetoy says:

    Just been licking Adrian’s scrotum; got a few pubes between my teeth, he hasn’t washed in about a week and there was some stale shit stuck to his balls. Still tasted lovely, though. Can’t wait to penetrate his soft, fat ass!

  80. Karl Sanders says:

    I have also had sex with Adrian McCoy.

  81. Fuck Schwuldiner says:

    So did I before I died of AIDS. My AIDS lives on in you, Karl.

  82. whoreslutcuntbitchfucker says:

    Speaking of Fuck Schwuldiner, it’d probably be pretty rewarding to infoterrorize his sister’s youtube page. http://www.youtube.com/user/bethlevine1

  83. Colin Marston says:

    I stuck Suck Childrener Custom BC Rich up his sister’s cunt.

  84. Varg Vikernes says:

    After recording Belus, I’m up for a bit of sticky, slimy, gooey sex with Adrian as well! How about a gang bang..?

  85. Mikael Akerfeldt says:

    WOW, that means we must all have the same AIDS!!

  86. Fenriz says:

    Awesome, AIDS is so old skool! It’s like back being in the 80s!

  87. D. Filth says:

    hey you cunts, our AIDS is very serious business! Remove these posts immediately or I will summon ten thousand mallgoths to blindly flame your site!

  88. im twelve and what is this says:

    walk in
    see shit-metalband orgy
    what do

  89. commenter says:

    comment

  90. Adrian McCoy says:

    God, I’m so frustrated that I don’t know you fucks in real life.. I would kick every single one of your retarded asses…FUCK MALLCORE!!! FUCK BLACK METAL!!! FUCK BLACK PEOPLE!!! FUCK THE INTARDNET!!! LONG LIVE DEATH METAL!!!

    Also, I’m thinking about checking out this Justin Bieber kid.. he seems pretty talented.

  91. Justin Bieber says:

    hey don’t drag me into this you teeny bopper.

  92. THE INTARDNET says:

    WTF

  93. Chuck Schuldiner says:

    Is this Justin Bieber kid legal yet? As if that would stop me anyway…

  94. Concerned Mother says:

    Excuse the fuck out of me, where do you geeky brats get off handing out insults to my son like it’s Hallo-fucking-ween? My son clearly wishes to innocently express his personal opinion, as if any of you blithering assholes could ever gain any maturity and set your personal animosities with him aside. My son goes through enough torture as it is at school, he doesn’t need to come home to another dump truck full of insults and verbal lashings-out. You idiotic pile of virgins cost me so much money in psychiatrist visits that I’m working overtime, so cut the shit and grow a pair. Enjoy your day.

  95. Concerned Mother says:

    tl;dr he does suck cocks.

  96. Prozak says:

    I have many more gay videos like that. I’ll just finish sucking more cock and i’ll post some more. MMmmmmphh mmmmmmmmmmmppphhhh

  97. Nigger Cumlord says:

    this article makes sense, however, we’ve all heard this before. repeating it for the, uh, rest of the audience seems to have produced all of the above. keep trying i guess, one in a hundred will actually understand.

  98. oh says:

    So thats what he was doing.. I thought he just wrote a dumb article to be funny or some shit. He’s doing it for the idiots in the audience. Gotcha.

  99. Necro is a cocksucking jew says:

    I wish that bitch ass rapper Necro (and you people) would just fucking die…..

  100. Joe Momma says:

    if you have to SAY that you’re elite, then you are not.

  101. Joe Momma says:

    Disregard that, I just made that up.

  102. Necro is a cocksucking jew says:

    I am obviously Adrian McCoy and I suck cocks.

  103. Tom Warrior says:

    Consummation of the black abyss within my heart can only be achieved by having hot gooey sticky gay buttsex with Adrian McCoy. As I stand, gazing into my fetid black pool of a psyche, I pause and reflect on old friends and new opportunities. Celtic Frost is dead, but today I will forget that. I will lose myself in the sweet intoxication of Adrian’s moist tongue lapping his own fecal matter off of my bulging Swiss sausage.

  104. Tom Warrior says:

    lol, Tryptikon.

  105. Adrian McCoy says:

    Disregard that Necro (And you people) and all rappers suck cock…

    It must make your mother proud to know that her son is a loser that talks shit on the internet all day long…

  106. Adrian McCoy thinks ICP should be killed says:

    And fuck ICP too…you assholes should be complaianing about the real problems facing metal today instead of all this elitis black metal bullshit…

  107. Cargast says:

    Fuckin’ Adrian!

    How does he work!?

  108. fuck says:

    Pretentious, inauthentic, and dumbed down metal IS a fucking problem facing metal today.

  109. Mortiis, the conqueror of Adrian's butt cavity says:

    Don’t make fun of Adrian McCoy. I love his shit. It tastes good in my stomach like fries and warm milk.

  110. Adrian McCoy the Anti-Semitic cocksucker says:

    I am an obvious anti-semite now that I freely admit to being under the alias ‘Necro is a cocksucking jew’. While there is nothing wrong with being an anti-semite, I wonder how I will react to being accused of being one. Probably something predictable like denying obvious homoerotic behavior with false masculenity.

    tl;dr i am now a anti-semite and freely admit i like sucking cocks.

  111. Fred Durst says:

    yo adrians fudge tunnel iz da flava of tha week bitches. y’all niggas only be hatin cuz u aint tasted his ass drippings yet.

  112. Robert Fripp says:

    I also fucked Adrian.

    ..amidoinitrite?

  113. anon says:

    can you please turn off the autoplay on this video, having it play every time i look at a different page is incredibly annoyinb

  114. Adrian McCoy hates you all... says:

    I wish you people would just die…

    Most People Must Die
    In our modern state of petrochemical power, life has become too easy. Were we a healthy species, we would recognize that most people must die, simply because they lack the ability and character to do anything sensible. Dozing once or twice a week at a traffic light, and having to hear the horns of drivers behind you to awake, press pedal to floor and zoom through, that’s forgivable. But what of those who never make it through the light, or worse, doze until only they can make it through, stranding others behind? There are too many of these, and not enough who are aware of the world around them.

    Consider how much landfill we produce yearly because foolish people can be induced to purchase products of no real value. Last year, it was plastic fish that would sing “funny” songs when you pressed a button; funny for the first thirty times, anyway. After that, the entire object was destined for the trash or through some illusion of avoiding the trash, namely giving it to an organization for the poor. Tell me, what use do the impoverished have for a singing plastic fish that requires expensive batteries? Across the world, goodwill agencies hurled the damn things by the thousands into the trash.

    So will it be for this year’s fad, the lighted Christmas figure or scene which is inflated by a fan with a bulb atop. What is so unique, so distinguishing, and so important about going to Wal-Mart and taking home the version of this toy that presumably matches your personality type? If I went to a public place and shouted out, “I also have $14.99 and a credit card and will exert my will through recombinant plastic goods,” people would consider me insane and cart me away to some state-funded benevolent agency which would supply me with Haldol for the rest of my days, but none seem to think twice about symbolically doing the same by bringing home the box and setting up the same type-of-thing their friends and neighbors also have.

    Do we gain uniqueness by picking Santa Claus over Snoopy, or maybe if we’re very religious, a manger scene instead of a cartoon character? Undoubtedly, it is amusing, when considered a rare object, but when we realize that along the block every third home will have one, what is its value? By allowing people of this mindset to breed, we weaken our race, in addition to piling up mountains of frivolous landfill that has provided to its creator an easy source of income. Past ages had great leaders, and great poets, and great craftspeople, but in this age, we have millionaires produced by figuring out what morons will buy and supplying it to them. What kind of future exists in that?

    Again, to the commercial metaphor: if you cannot figure out how to cook simple means, even those that can be achieved in ten minutes when steak comes wrapped in plastic and vegetables, frozen in plastic bags, there’s a vast array of food in boxes for you. Indeed, the biggest portion of our grocery stores is not food in its raw element, but pre-prepared, chemically-sterilized boxed foods that you can take home and heat in 3.5 minutes and serve to your low-IQ family. In the ages where you had to at least gather the vegetables, and slay a beast and start a fire to roast it, you had to have your wits about you or at least have the wit to enslave yourself to someone who did, but now, all you need is your $14.99 and credit card, and a microwave, and you and your brood of inferior beings can live happily on boxed food, at least until the preservatives bloom tumors in your veins, too late unfortunately to curtail your degenerate genetics.

    Our vaunted “consumer” society, which brings you “freedom” and “lifestyle choices,” has eliminated all sense. The only barrier to purchase of anything, whether it be land or animals or plastic objects that last two weeks and are discarded, is money, and money is easily had since most jobs barely require an 85 IQ and, being designed for all of us “equally” to get along, require no common sense or the impetus required to survive a night in the forest alone. You can run to Wal-Mart and buy all the plastic you can have on credit, and when you take it home and find out that it is inferior versions of better products made cheaply so you can be “equal” in having a salad shooter like your wealthier neighbors, too, throw it out. You can purchase a dog and when it soils your rug, turn it out of doors, and no one will say anything but, numbly, “Well, it’s his right.”

    We’re breeding a society of subhuman retards, and what’s worse, we’ve made it an exiling offense to even mention this. You can’t fire someone for the reason “so-and-so is dumber than a sandwich”; you have to navigate an elaborate maze designed to enforce “equality” of such tedium that at some point, it’s easier to hand the subtard a meaningless task and send him to a corner, writing off his salary as a loss. And before the small minds among you take this as a racial argument, it is not; many of you lily-white skins would stain my blade thirsting for justice, and no plea to kinship would stir me; you’re bred wrong, and bred stupid, and for the justice of all nature, I’d kill you. This isn’t to say that the races are “equal,” or should live together in a “multicultural” society; both are obvious social illusions, and while what’s most important is breeding better people, each race should have its own space for, if nothing else, diversity in having different populations to visit when we get sick of our own (even the English should be spared, although it pains me to type that, as no more masturbatorily self-congratulary race of self-righteous pricks exists except those bred of empire and protestantism and conveniently simplistic industry in England).

    That some are bred retards, and others given intelligence through good breeding, of course, creates the elemental strife in society to which the submissive reply with cries of “We must establish equality!” (democrats) and to which the vicious reply with “We must gain wealth and rise above the mass!” (republicans). No society exists in this state for too long, as it is divided among itself, but like all subtle diseases it takes time to grow and eventually overwhelms said society in mediocrity, which offends only those who can do better. And at that point, it’s too late: the subtards so far outnumber those with any brain that stupidity will triumph, not caring for its own losses, while those who would save their lives for a better purpose die in the onslaught.

    Now, what to do about this? The solutions are simpler than one thinks. First, we must rid ourselves of any laws that say you cannot fire someone for any reason, and eliminate likewise all laws that ban discrimination against the stupid. Next, we must pass legislation exempting companies from many types of liability; you no longer will have to write “do not look down barrel and pull trigger” on shotguns, or “do not eat” on silica packets designed to prevent electronics from drying out. Finally, since governmental solutions for weeding out the weak always end in tyranny, we should allow local communities to exile stupid people and, thus having fewer people producing the same income, redistribute tax benefit to their people.

    Undoubtedly, the democrats will wail “that’s dis-crim-in-nation” and the republicans will complain about the lack of cheap labor and moronic consumers to buy their worthless plastic, but the next generations will be bred smarter and will, as a result, have better values and build a less brain-dead and boring, functional, utilitarian society. To do this is to accept that we’re in the driver’s seat of our own destiny, and to move forward; to deny it is to be napping at the most important traffic light of all.

    December 8, 2004

    How about you people actually read the articles before you post huh assholes?

  115. Adrian McCoy says:

    how come I haven’t figured out this article applies to me? and why do I think nu metal is such a fucking crisis? oh wait its because I suck cocks.

  116. Chris Barnes says:

    OH MAN what would we do without Adrian and his ungodly throat?

  117. god says:

    you’re welcome for spell check, Adrian.

  118. internatio says:

    Arf,

    the December 8 2004 stuff was nearly true untill it came to proposing solutions : the “boring utilitarian society” is exactely what you get when everyone fights for survival : you only get that, survival, i.e. boring repetitive stuff where everbody dies just out of bad luck before achieving something truly great. Because mind you, luck is what happens most of the time, look at all those “geniuses” of Wall Street who made millions a week and jumped by the window on the next : were they “better” the first week ? no, it’s just luck.
    So is Warren Buffet “better” because he always scores right ? not even that, because for a single person to achieve that is also within the scope of randomness.
    Go to hell social darwinists, darwin described nature without conscience, good writers on society started with Spinoza, went on to Voltaire and Rousseau, then Marx, then it all went a bit confused but it’s no reason to want to downgrade to animality.

  119. internatio says:

    herp derp

  120. Adrian the main man McCoy says:

    Good point internatio…

    And fuck Korn, Necro, Slipknot and ICP…Their the ones who suck cock, not me…

  121. Adrian McCoy says:

    How about I shove my kitchen knife down your throat instead of my cock huh asshole?

    The only reason you call me a fag is because you’re not man enough to call me out in public, you know I’d kick your ass you little bitch…Just try me fuckface, I’ve been in jail, and I’m not scared to go back again…

  122. Adrian McCoy says:

    …cuz it was a helluva lot easier to get laid in there!

  123. Prozak says:

    how are we going to engage in a fight to the death if you don’t pick up the damn phone, Adrian?

  124. Adrian McCoy says:

    I was in jail for fucking a goat.

  125. Abbath says:

    ROCK AND ROLL JIZZ STAINS!!

  126. Espinoza Gay Prozak says:

    This site is officially dead, and its carcass is full of rotting trolls.

    I’m gonna suck Adrian’s fat cock, brb.

  127. Adrian thinks you're stupid... says:

    You prove my point every time you call me a gay slur….

    You fucks are posers, and as long you live you shall never ever get laid…

    Now excuse me while I bang your mothers and jizz all over their faces like the mack daddy I am…

  128. fred says:

    …that shit’s just got to be a practical joke. “mack daddy” ?!?! Okay Anus, ha fuckin ha, we get it already! you can stop now!!

  129. fuck says:

    Can anyone really be as stupid as Adrian? Humanity, I am disappoint.

  130. Adrian loves black metal... says:

    I am sorry for dissing black metal. I love black metal, it’s just that I FUCKING HATE MOST BLACK METAL FANS…

    Their immature, stupid and closed minded, I don’t think that’s beneficial to the black metal scene at all….

    Why don’t you fucks talk about the articles (Or music in general) instead of cock huh assholes?

    You already know I hate horrorcore rap and nu-metal,but what about yourselves, do you have any particular bands you just loathe with a passion?

  131. fuck says:

    Cannibal Corpse, Pantera, Wolves In The Throne Room, Nile.. have you forgotten? “close minded”? natural selection, you little shit. LURK ANUS MOAR

  132. fred says:

    if that dude IS an actual dude and not a sick joke, i’ll bet you dollars to donuts he’s on facebook!

  133. Adrian McCoy says:

    I can tell your fustrated and lonley, it must suck to be you…

    That’s your opinion, and your entitled to it, just as I am fucking entitled to like those bands you hate…get over it…

    Have you forgotten the first amendment genius?

    Freedom of speech in the United States is protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution and by many state constitutions and state and federal laws. Criticism of the government and advocacy of unpopular ideas that people may find distasteful or against public policy, such as racism, sexism, and other hate speech are generally permitted…

    Maybe you should grow up instead of challenging me huh fuckface?

  134. Adrian McCoy says:

    Unfortunately the law also protects assholes like you, ICP, and Korn, a real bummer if you ask me…

  135. Cynical says:

    So, if I do a and decide not to close it, it’ll stay open for every comment until someone does?

  136. Cynical says:

    It looks like it!

    Perhaps something like BB code should be used instead of HTML for these purposes.

  137. fuck says:

    "penis

  138. You-know-who's Brother says:

    Burrav-oh! You are THE MAN, oh yes you are! You’re not butthurt one bit and don’t let any of these fuckfaces tell you otherwise! Oh yeah, speaking of butthurt, don’t forget to pick up some KY at the CVS on your way home. Don’t get that "Nile Intense" shit again, let’s try out the Panteralube this time. I know of one Mack whose Daddy won’t be lonely tonight! (he he!) I know of two Cannibals whose Corpses are gonna knock some boots! (te he!) I know of one Dow whose Jones is gonna be bullish … (I still gotta work on that one).

  139. Adrian thinks your dumb... says:

    Like those fags in Insane Clown Posse, you have proven to be one of the dumbest people I have ever had a chance to encounter in my entire life…

    Please get a girlfreind, or at least attempt at getting one, don’t waste your time challenging people like me who are smarter than you…

  140. Adrian says:

    Disregard that, I’m clearly twelve years old.

  141. Adrian can kick your ass... says:

    I keep forgetting I’m talking to a bunch of 40 year old virgins…my bad…

    I bet Steve Carell is like your Christ, his movie represents you and most metalheads quite well…

    FUCK YOU!!!

  142. Adrian McCoy says:

    Funny that you call me twelve when I was getting more pussy than you at that age than you are getting now…

    Grow a dick, and quit bashing me…

    Unlike you, I don’t follow anus.com like a brainwashed zombie, but make my own decisions on what music I like based on the actual talent of the band…Cannibal Corpse and Nile are talented bands, just because they aren’t recognized by your god prozak doesn’t mean they will stop selling records, or that I will stop buying them…

    GROW THE FUCK UP!!! QUIT LISTENING TO WHATEVER YOUR TOLD TO LISTEN TO!!!

  143. fred says:

    did you study at Princeton or Harvard?

  144. Adrian McCoy says:

    Both, you negro.

  145. Adrian thinks your all stupid... says:

    The only reason i go to this site is because i think your childish comments prove my point…

    YOU’RE THE REAL POSEURS!!!

  146. Thomas Schwartz says:

    Well I’m certainly convinced.

    Hey!!!!! You finally got the whole “your” / “you’re” thing figured out!!! Congrats and nice goin’ big guy!

  147. Adrian... says:

    I miss deathmetal.com so much it’s not even funny…motherfuck anus.com…

  148. Adrian McCocks says:

    BAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

  149. MiKKKro$oft Bu$hitler says:

    Fucking awesome video, makes me long for the days when Eddie Murphy was funny, hell, when SNL was funny. Of course I was of single digit age in those days but who cares?

    I was initially a bit confused as to what the overall meaning if it and/or its relation to black metal was, though I eventually did manage to get the general gist of it at the "in the hot tub/ideological conclusion" bit. That said, I was hoping that the hundred+ comments would at least provide some further insight or elaboration on the concept by sheer volume-granted odds. Unfortunately, combing through what read as a BASIC loop of miserably failed attempts at pre-adolescent anger via generic fellatio verbiage proved no such luck. Oh well.

  150. ffffff says:

    “I was initially a bit confused as to what the overall meaning if it and/or its relation to black metal was, though I eventually did manage to get the general gist of it at the “in the hot tub/ideological conclusion” bit.”

    Hint: it’s forced. He had the idea before he knew the meaning.

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