NIGHTMARE: LORDS OF CHAOS MOVIE COMPLETED, PREMIERED AT SUNDANCE


It’s actually happening.  After decades of “will they” speculation, directors picking up and dropping the project, rumors of Twilight actors playing Varg Vikernes, and a boycott by virtually every member of the original scene the Rory Culkin led bastardization of Norway’s finest Lords of Chaos premiered at Sundance this week.  In the ultimate defeat, death, and burial of Norweigian black metal- a movement opposed to everything commercial, financial, and mainstream- we will soon see a polished Hollywood narrative of this beloved movement pollution theaters across the globe.

Complete with a hipster poster and a Metallica soundtrack (yes, Metallica), Lords of Chaos proves to embody everything the likes of Euronymous, Varg, and Faust staunchly and vehemently opposed.  While the book provided an interesting psychological and cultural analysis of the events of black metal 1991-1993, the film looks to do no more than cash in on the current retro hysteria consuming hipsters across the globe.  It’s laughable, disgraceful, and every single musician it’s based on would destroy its existence if they could.

What’s most troubling is the upcoming invasion of falses within black metal that it is on the horizon.  If you thought there weren’t enough fakes already infiltrating the genre through the likes of post-black metal and Cascadian black metal than your in for an absolute fucking nightmare over what’s to come.  Record labels, blogs, and bands will try to cash in on this movie’s release in every possible way.  You will see countless bands marketed as “The Lords of Chaos sound!” and blogs writing about “The Modern Day Mayhem!” trying to squeeze every dollar out of this.  Labels will push hallowed out black-metal-in-name-only releases on the hipsters they know are buying these movie tickets.

Death Metal Underground will not be reviewing or providing any links to this abomination.  Instead we will be providing accurate, honest, and insightful coverage of the releases, bands, and musicians involved.  Trust no other metal site as they will all be baiting clicks with obsessiveness Lords of Chaos coverage in an effort to save their hopeless careers in journalism.

In order to preserve the spirit of the Norwegian black metal scene, its true fans must denounce black metal and everything aesthetically black metal.  Mock any corpse-painted pictures on social media, dress preppy and get fashy haircuts, champion the supremacy of death metal.  Record well produced albums, compose short songs with a variety of riffing techniques, avoid vinyl and cassette at all costs.  Take up the cross, bring back the crusades, start killing witches and pagans!!!  I, Brock Andrew Dorsey, hereby renounce all black metal past, present, and future as trendy, worthless, and embarrassing- absolute shit music on the same plane as djent and nu-metal!!!

Anyone who goes to or reviews this movie is a pussy, a fake, and a beta cuckhold.  They should be shamed, humiliated, outcasted, and spat on.  If you’re not partaking in this, you’re just another pink haired male feminist gobbling up whatever fecal waste the mainstream is pumping into you.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

42 thoughts on “NIGHTMARE: LORDS OF CHAOS MOVIE COMPLETED, PREMIERED AT SUNDANCE”

  1. Pedowood says:

    Can’t wait to have to deal with normies telling me enthusiastically that they saw this movie when I tell them I listen to metal.
    It’ll be just like in elementary school when my teacher bragged about her daughter reaching level 60 on WoW after I bragged about getting ranked top 10 at real time strategy games.

    “Have you played WoW?”
    “Yeah, I played it for a while”
    “What level did you reach?”
    “I don’t know, Like 42”.
    “My daughter got to level 60. *Satisfied. smug grin”

  2. Pedowood says:

    NO FUN, NO MOSH, NO CORE, NO TRENDS

    FUCK THIS MOVIE WITH AN IRON ROD

    1. Pedowood says:

      In order to preserve the spirit of the Norwegian black metal scene, its true fans must denounce black metal and everything aesthetically black metal.

      And fuck you too

  3. Mr. Burns says:

    What Was all that, shit!!

  4. Mr. Burns says:

    Black and Death Metal, is dead in the eyes of the visible, only burns in the hearts of the underground, in the underground hell of the unseen.

  5. Marc Defranco says:

    Maybe I’ll peddle some Mayhem vinyl reissues for twice the price at showings. No Burzum though, I know these hipster’s mommys and daddys don’t want them listening to that evil music.

    I can’t even understand what would go through the director’s mind not to contact the bands/get their approval before shooting anything. If you don’t have the approval of the actual individuals involved then it’s just shameful. Maybe he only saw dollar signs

    1. Flying Kites says:

      What the fuck?

      1. parasite says:

        hahaha VARG IS A SAVAGE

  6. S.C. says:

    I think real black metal needs to backlash not be denounced. It needs to further it’s path into controversy by fully embracing everything hateful, fascist, racist etc… anything that offends the current social status quo. And these qualities need to be obvious. Stickers on the front cd’s stating the music’s intent and what it represents. Blatant utilization of only the most offensive symbols. And any concerts should be violently rejecting of any false pussies.

    1. S.C. says:

      I also have a feeling this movie won’t be as impactful as the article says. It’ll be a flavor of the week and probably a box office bust that will quickly be forgotten.

    2. Rainer Weikusat says:

      … stems from the utter disgust, contempt and anger we face in this superficial world – a longing for times of the old … We shall continue our … and crush those who try to stand in our way, you know where to find us … Slit your flesh for the beast as the only certain thing in life is death.

      […]

      keep the black flames of hate alight.

      That’s from the liner notes of an album I shall not name here (although I suspect some dingbat will) and I doubt the people behind this movie will embrace the attitude for their merchandise any time soon.

  7. I was in Bathory once says:

    Euronymous always wanted to be a black metal rockstar, looks like his wish became actuality, although post-mortem.

    “dress preppy and get fashy haircuts”

    What will LARPing as some ironic Hitlerjugend achieve exactly? Or will you just denounce this article as a drunken shitpost?

  8. Covfefe says:

    “dress preppy and get fashy haircuts” that’s what most half hearted “metalheads” are when they’re not dressed up for a weekend gig or bragging online about their vinyl collections – which they probably don’t even listen to.

    I think the solution here is to confront people. If you see some obvious trendy in say a Bathory shirt, talk to them and if they can’t answer correctly then start getting aggressive.

    1. ass bologna says:

      yes! If you see someone wearing a band shirt of a band you like, instead of bonding over it or complimenting their taste like a healthy social human being, autistically quiz them about the release date of the yellow goat LP and screech at them if they can’t answer correctly! Metal is totally a hobby of ubermensch and not gatekeeping manchildren, btw!

      1. POSER PATROL says:

        Bashing posers and raping trannies like its 1984.

  9. Svmmoned says:

    Instead of giving up part of your culture you should simply name the enemies.

    Besides of being just another Swedish degenerate, Akerlund is consequently working toward something, as can be seen by metal/punk references in lady gaga video or tone of metallica’s “manunkind”. That’s a bile and resentment on clear display. If he would be invested in those values in any way, he wouldn’t use them in such demeaning way.

    And also metallica, because they exposed themselves in most shameful manner in both cases. It cements their total bankruptcy, moral and otherwise. They would seek ways to stay relevant to a point of travesty without noticing that something is already terribly off. They turned out to be resentful and jelous about younger generations, which is always a pathetic sight.

    1. I was in Bathory once says:

      Its even simpler, they pander to anything that is popular, because popularity = success

  10. Imperathor says:

    A total Zionist orgy of shit…Lets hope all the actors die slowly.

    1. S.C. says:

      Here’s to hope

    2. Rectums Disdained says:

      Really, nigga? Are you really that fucked up over this movie, that you wish death upon some actors?
      Lol. A specifically SLOW death.

  11. Coolest Monkey In The Jungle says:

    Cultural appropriation! I hope Oprah will speak out against this.

  12. Horny Soccer Mom says:

    Here are some nice quotes for you goys:

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zWhBfdQkLuY

    “It’s kind of like part of the whole black metal world to, you know, to disaprove a movie, uhhh, but the truth is, we have been in contact with most of them, and the important players in this story are very excited about this movie”. -Jonas Åkerlund

    The most important players, huh? Who, Satyricon? What a joke.

    “They reject the film, but they also kind of reject themselves, it’s, you know, the film’s sort of about inner conflict within the bands, so I mean there’s…I don’t think they’re ever really satisfied with anything”. -Rory Culkin

    What an astounding level of Hollywood pomposity. They don’t like your movie, so they’re rejecting themselves and are never satisfied with anything? Right.

  13. Ryan says:

    “dress preppy and get fashy haircuts”

    LMAO. How much of a weakling must you be to change what you look like just because others have appropriated your look? Or is it that you never had the balls to look anything but a normie and finally have a chance of appearing a counter-counterculture rebel?

    1. Covfefe says:

      ^^^^^ This.

    2. ass bologna says:

      Altering your physical appearance = marketing. Marketing is always influenced by external factors. You’re autistic if you don’t realize that.

      1. taller more autistic looking man says:

        I kept reading “fashy” as “flashy” so I thought the author wanted us to look like fags but then I realized that I was right.

      2. and if you market yourself, you’re like a whore of some kind right?

  14. Gay Autistic Nigger Tranny says:

    Varg’s going to be played by a jew.

    The fucking irony lol.

  15. Bra Burning Womynist says:

    I’m split 50/50 on band shirts at this point in my life. I appreciate cool designs and want to represent bands I support, but I can’t help feeling they look really, really juvenile and stupid older men. I started wearing more gym clothes in public since I was working out 5 days a week at one point, but I noticed I got way more female attention when I wore boots and a leather jacket. Dressing up to pander to women is pretty gay and weak I guess, but sometimes I need the easy lay.

    1. Bra Burning Womynist says:

      PS: This film will be forgotten faster than you can say, “Until the Light Takes Us.”

  16. ass bologna says:

    tldr: MY SEEEEEKRIIIIT COOL-KID KLUB!!!! REEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

    Anything that can further obfuscate, tarnish and embarrass whatever “mythology” that Norwegian black metal accumulated is a good thing. “Legacies” are for world leaders and 80 year old country singers.

    Nobody’s legacy matters in this backwards pluralist clown world, and nobody has a clue what anybody’s legacy will be once something valuable is rebuilt upon the wreckage of the West some day. Sell Mayhem panties by the truckload for all I care. Make church burning cell phone games where you play as a 16-bit Varg. It doesn’t make the first three Burzum albums any worse, but it does agitate people are happy to suck their thumbs while living in the past as some sort of protective womb, and that’s useful. Maybe some of them will come out of their coma and help produce something good and urgent themselves instead of living it vicariously.

    If you want music that will never, ever be assimilated into the ‘global shopping mall’ hegemony or warped into some kind of gross cult of celebrity, listen to Landser or Skrewdriver or something. Other than that I don’t know what to tell you. They’re making a movie about your silly facepaint satan bands and there’s nothing you can do about it. Oh well!

    1. I was in Bathory once says:

      Being “fashy” is the new cool thing, so RAC/oi/NSBM could very well make a comeback in the alt-LARP crowd. There is however hope that nukes will save the world from such a fate.

      1. S.C. says:

        Fascism is the new counter culture. The alt right (or whatever fascist movement) is basically like the hippies of the 60’s. Antifa has government, commercial and social backing while the alt right youths are organizing grass roots protests like in Charlottesville. There has been a rather obvious paradigm shift.

        1. 1917 or Die says:

          IN your dreams.

          IN the real, governments are as full of closet fascists as they always were, and they’re comming more and more out of the closets, but yeah there’s a stock of old hippies who made their peace with that sorry state of affairs.

      2. desu metal says:

        Being “fashy” is cool now like being an atheism+ fedora tipper was cool 10 years ago.

  17. Robespierre says:

    Y’all are a bunch of pussies, bitching and moaning, “boo hoo, they made a movie about my music scene”. This movie is gonna be funny as fuck! FFS the Home Alone kid’s brother is Euronymous!! Count Grishnakh is a Jew! Directed by Quorthon’s first drummer WTF??!!!!

    Vary & Euronymous is a fag story… Burning churches is for fags… Stabbing queers is for fags. If you can’t find a way to enjoy this movie, you’re a fag yourself.

    1. taller more autistic looking man says:

      good points all around.

      bravo.

  18. matters says:

    Well look on the bright side, maybe we will see the rise of church burnings because of this film!

Comments are closed.

Classic reviews:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z