Sadistic Metal Reviews 05-19-2015

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Like the clueless cannon fodder that most sacrificed soldiers end up being in major wars, so too are the hordes of albums of clueless “musicians” working on a way to cash in on the lack of attention span and seriousness of the masses. Lazy music for lazy minds, candy music for people wearing rose-colored glasses. It all ends up here, sadistically reviewed, their corpses lying on the ground. Perhaps comparing these releases to massacred soldiers is giving them too much life. These sterile releases are more akin to cardboard boxes with Andy Warhole (yes, War-HOLE) colored stupidity.
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Heathen Beast – The Carnage of Godhra

Scream lyrics in monochromatic vox, make cavemannish groove riffs that mimic the vocal rhythms, and then overlay or alternate with middle-eastern instruments from a keyboard. Apparently Heathen Beast thinks this is enough to make some sort of progressive folk music. Of course, you need the narrated sections, or the dialogues. Then this becomes a conceptual release. Just because you can release your musical creations does not mean you should unleash your turds on the world. Some of the cheapest music to hit the mail this month.
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Osculum Infame – The Axis of Blood

Make-believe black metal that grooves like alternative metal. The nonsensical juxtaposition of sections to surprise and contradict expectation is rampant. The point is not to make the music coherent in any sense. The point is to posture. We are black metal, man, we are hardcore black metal.  The reliance of this music on grooving rhythms and macho-man vocals ala Phil Anselmo is as sickening as it is disgraceful. The true black metal fan will do well to stay away from this one. Save yourself some precious minutes of your mortal life.

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VoidCeremony – Dystheism

The epitome of the riff salad disaster in the so-called atmospheric death metal. The trick here is simple: make obscure, messy riffs, lots of them, more than you can count. They do not need to progress in any particular direction, they do not need to be necessarily related. They do need to keep a character, at least. This will make the fans laud your music for creating “such a dark and oppressive atmosphere”. You will hear poser hipsters like Anthony Fantano who know nothing about the graceful art of musical construction praising poorly thought-out death metal such as this. They equate “I do not know what the fuck is going on with the music but I can get the feeling” with good quality in death metal. ¬†Tough-sounding ambient music for blockheads.

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8 thoughts on “Sadistic Metal Reviews 05-19-2015”

  1. hypocrite says:

    Heh… Andy Warhole.

  2. We’d have taken this review seriously if the reviewer was able to tell Indian instruments from Middle Eastern ones and he had a discerning enough ear to be able to judge between a keyboard and an actual instrument but I guess given that he couldn’t even identify the region the instrument was from we’ll forgive him. Hehehehehehe great review though!! Hailz!!!

    1. It really isn’t relevant because what is being criticized is the quality of music organization.

      1. Rich or Dead says:

        Not a good defense, David, you should be careful about dismissing criticisms offhand like that. If you falsely identify something as non-subjective and non-abstract as scales and instruments, how is anyone supposed to trust your judgment on the much more subtle, abstract elements of the music?

        1. In this particular case, distinguishing the sound of an obscure folk instrument is not relevant to judging modern Western music in its construction. This is the fact I am basing my dismissal on.

          The sound of Iranian and Indian instruments isn’t that far away, btw. You need to really be into them to actually tell the difference. With some of them, it’s like telling the difference between the fagot and the oboe. Unless you are into music that uses them, you will have a lot of trouble differentiating them. Still, if they were used in X type of music that you are familiar with, it would not interfere with your judgement.

          Sound materials (chosen instruments and voices) and musical construction are related to the final music product but ultimately different and separate things.

          1. Rich or Dead says:

            That’s fair enough, but you should take his point nevertheless. If you aren’t sure about the instrument, just explain that it sounds obscure.

            I do understand that your criticism of the music focuses on the organization of sounds but metal is sort of an essentialism style of art; that is, the materials used in the creation of the final piece influence the modeling every step of the way (see: “grindcore with flutes”).

          2. Fearless Hessian from ANUS says:

            I can spot a faggot from a mile away.

  3. Dylar says:

    Middle Eastern, Indian, gummy bears for you and me!

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