Toilet ov Hell In Complete Terror, Spends A Whole Hour Crying

Famed loser and known Baroness lover Joe thrash n’kill (it/she/that) has spent two years crying over his pathetic attacks on DMU and the merciless retaliation that he has received. Joe recently made a podcast involving two “men” with the voices of prepubescent girls. Let us look at Joe’s claims and delve deeper into the psyche of a man so weak and insecure, he has to fabricate lies to cope with his useless existence.

Joe believes that the last piece written on him was over three thousand words and contained around ninety comments calling that piece a “self own”. Joe has admitted to barely understanding the English language. The piece was barely over a thousand words and it shows how much of a writer Joe truly is as he can’t even estimate the length of a piece. Most commentators on the previous piece had emails linking them to “cosplay” sites based on Nintendo characters. When a metal website’s following is constituted of anime loving, basement dwelling degenerates, it reflects on the quality of the writers of said website. Only one comment proclaimed this a “self own” and that was by Joe’s occasional lover and obese quadragenarian writer “Shayne in Blood”(reference to his uterus envy), who probably lives with his parents as he is unemployed. Mental gymnastics and the failings of society have enabled such cretins who would have died at birth were it not for the evolution in medical science.

Joe and his friends have proceeded to make insane comments on former DMU editors in his usual whiny tone but this time he was borderline crying. Throughout the whole podcast, it was apparent that none of them wanted to talk about us as they were whimpering even more than usual. One of the mentally challenged fellows even bragged about almost dying due to a cold. If you live in America and are dying of a cold than you are a very weak man and probably deserve to be euthanized. Try suffering from delirium due to fever in the middle of Mauritania. If you can’t afford health insurance that means that either your job is worthless or no insurance is willing to take a risk on your frail body. Joe believes that he deported Daniel Maarat which is a funny thing to say about a man who terrified you so much that you refused to write about him. Maarat left the states because his company had no business there anymore and there was no point in renewing his visa. That is a frustrating thought for Joe as he is a failed businessman. Joe mentioned Cullen Toner and how he pushed him towards christianity. Obviously Joe was persecuted as a child by Christians due to his degenerate behaviour and his blooming sexual attraction towards all beings in the primate order. Toner then destroyed him by outing him for what he truly is and then went on to produce a very good Death metal album with Christian overtones because that is his religion, not a hard concept to comprehend.

Joe has absolutely no understanding of European politics and can’t see the link between Marine Le Pen and socialism, the woman who seeks to exponentially increase government aids for those who struggle with their rent and to nationalise various companies operating in France. Joe is so deprived of education that he can’t understand basic genetics while he insults me in his pitiful whine due to my apparent lack of “body hair”. Testosterone and body hair are dictated by separate genes and the relevant alleles. As seen by the pictures of Joe, he probably suffers from osteoporosis due to a lifestyle comprised of playing video games and being jobless. This man brags about having huge quads while the picture says otherwise. A tiny five foot three man with a stronger wife who appears just to talk about “definition”. His wife asks me to slide into her DMs. In the past I have struggled multiple times making the one hundred and seventy pound limit in wrestling and this man dares to call me small? I have sent a few pictures of Joe to a physiotherapist to see if an athletic commission would allow an MMA fight between us, Joe would have to put on ten to fifteen pounds of muscle first before even being eligible for the medical evaluation. Joe is a coward and a retard who isn’t even able to fight. The man with such a high pitched voice that even Rob Halford had to ask him how to do it.

I, Nicholas Vahdias swear it upon Allah himself to do everything possible to end this man who can’t name a classic death metal album other than blessed are the Sick and Altars of Madness without stuttering. This lying ignorant gorilla loving twink will pay for his lies. I have a bot that will continue to track any mention from Joe about DMU and its writers and I will do more than his twitter troll to hurt this “man”. Joe Thrash n’ Kill thinks he is a man but he is a devious little whore who flaps his chicken legs as if he actually accomplished anything in his life which we know is not true. The man lives in an over-sized shed, is married to a man and has no education or job prospects despite being in his thirties. You have made endless lies and insane statements throughout that podcast and you will pay for such actions. There is no time to list the nearly endless list of defamatory comments. The Deafheaven lover can’t even pronounce the word “effete”. Also your skits were worthy of a five year old, knowing about any topic is not the same as being able to analyse and to dissect it. Every human knows what a rocket is but few of them can detail how they are built, same principle with music.

Do us all a favour and do the one thing to redeem yourself!

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41 thoughts on “Toilet ov Hell In Complete Terror, Spends A Whole Hour Crying”

  1. barbaric nihilistic frostbitten sweep picking says:

    “sodomize the weak” sounds cool on paper, but put into action like this, it just looks like a faggot having gay sex with a retard

    1. they do look weird and unhuman.

  2. LostInTheANUS says:

    Ey, Nikki boy. Your picture of cutting wrists shows the wrong method, it’s down the road not across the street.

  3. RDS says:

    What a crucifixion!

  4. SuperNintendoChalmers says:

    Are you jealous that he’s married and you’re spending your time doing this? For someone all about tradition, ol’ Joe’s fot you beat there, Nicky. You’re playing a game that you’re too stupid to realize you’re losing even though we all know you’re begging Joe to take the latest podcast down, you weak bitch.

    “I ask you not to make fun of my band mates.” LOL.

    1. Engaged to a woman(human not ape) except I don’t post it on social media like a retard. Only cowards like you attack those who have done nothing. If the guy beat me why is he crying on his podcast ? I am not going to continue destroying the guy as he refuses to fight me. Aren’t you the guy who cried about being misgendered ?

  5. Flying Kites says:

    Put Joe’s head between a stump and an oaken club. Kill the Joe retard.

  6. Gh333 says:

    Local dork won’t stop digging the hole deeper. Great work Nicky boy, really making this site respectable.

    1. name one metal website that has reviews and analysis articles on our level?

      1. Cynical says:

        Old Disgruntled Bastard is currently the most overall trustworthy site for metal reviews right now (albeit, it’s frequently long periods of time between his posts). Hate Meditation is also doing good work.

        DMU is in a better spot now than it was a couple years ago, but it still suffers a bit from multiple editors providing inconsistency in viewpoints. Also, while excellent at raw musical analysis (in that regard DMU is currently well beyond everyone else), historical knowledge among some of the younger editors (that is, not Brett/DARG) is lacking, meaning that sometimes, while raw musical analysis is correct, placement of albums within a the trajectory of a band’s overall discography or the overall (d)evolution of a genre isn’t accurate. This latter problem isn’t an easy one to fix (I made my share of similar mistakes during my tenure as an editor in these parts a decade ago, with a decade less experience and knowledge than I have now), but it’s putting this site behind ODB or HM right now in overall value.

        1. “historical knowledge among some of the younger editors (that is, not Brett/DARG) is lacking, meaning that sometimes, while raw musical analysis is correct, placement of albums within a the trajectory of a band’s overall discography or the overall (d)evolution of a genre isn’t accurate”

          Can you give some specific examples of this?

          1. Cynical says:

            One example that comes to mind (and I called them out on at the time) was their claim in the “Damnatio ad Bestias” review that stacatto rhythmic stomps were an element of new-school death metal, and old-school death metal was built more around sonorous minor-key melodies. That’s actually the exact opposite. Another one is placing Shub Niggurath over Mortuary in “the big three of Mexican death metal”. Another that I find by scrolling down is talking about what “Necrophagist found success with in the early 2000s”; the material by them that people (idiots) liked was done in the ’90s.

            1. Please name an example of an older band relying primarily on rhythmic stomps, don’t say Deicide or Sinister as rhythm was only secondary to melody.
              Mortuary never fit in with the style of The Chasm and Cenotaph where Shub Niggurath do. Necrophagist found their greatest mainstream success during the myspace explosion.

              1. Cynical says:

                Obituary, Baphomet, Morpheus Descends, Entombed, Therion (on the first album), Unleashed, Morbid Angel, Monstrosity, Suffocation, Death Strike, Num Skull, Macabre.

                Note that none of the above didn’t have melody as a factor in their music (albeit, in Death Strike, Obituary, and Baphomet’s case, it was definitely subordinate to the rhythm). However, all of those bands used the staccato rhythmic stomp as a factor to drive the music forward.

                Have you heard Cenotaph’s albums/demos prior to “Riding our Black Oceans”? Most of their relevant work was firmly in the Slayer-esque speed metal inspired style; “Riding our Black Oceans” was the only album of its style that they did. So is most of The Chasm’s work (all of it after “Deathcult…” and before “Farseeing…”, and even those two albums have more than a few traces of early Slayer influence).

                Necrophagist is answered below in response to Tyrell.

                1. None of those placed rhythm over melody, Obituary had cadenced melodies on both classic records. Entombed at times fell into an obsession with the thee note groove they developed on Left hand…. Unleashed just used a gallop. etc etc but none of them resorted to 000-000-0-00 riffs which is what occurs frequently in modern metal. Baphomet had short simple melodies and so did Obituary but that doesn’t mean that the rhythm took over the melody.

                  The Hidden Sorrows of our gloomy reflections is from the Swedish school of Death metal and is barely Slayer inspired. Staccato refers to playing a note but with a release half its duration. Every single metal band has played its power chords in staccato on at least one song. It doesn’t mean anything it’s a tool on par with distorstion.Deathcult and Farseer are the only relevant works and so are Hidden and riding.

                  1. Cynical says:

                    Much of Baphomet’s and Obituary’s use of melody was primarily to create more layers of rhythm. The significance of the interval relative to the previous note was irrelevant; all that was significant is that it was a different note, effectively creating a second rhythmic layer (one rhythm being the strums, another being the timing of the chord changes). Other times, like on “Body Bag”, they were effectively just going up in notes to use Fleischer Munsen to add perceived loudness in order to create syncopation. A lot of their stuff sticks to the movement in seconds, perfect, or augmented/diminished intervals precisely to avoid giving much significance to melody, subjugating it to this rhythmic context.

                    As far as whether bands resort to 000-000-000 riffs go, well…
           (8ths instead of 16ths)
           (not strictly the same beat, but similar reverse-gallop implying a staccato)
           (333-222 actually, but similar staccato backbone)
           (55 seconds in)
           (check out the bit at 3:15)

                    That’s not to say that there is no melody at all in these passages, but they’re clearly using the staccato stomp as the song’s main drive, a backbone that they can build off of. The larger point is that using a rhythmic stomp (whether doing it as staccatos, as Slayer-style alternating 16th notes as pedal points on the open string with 8th or quarter note power chords, or the “Liege of Inveracity”-style muted 8th-note downstrummed breakdown) as an energetic drive was a critical part of almost every formative death metal band. The physical dimension to this music is critical; metal is Apollonian (or at least masculine) in aims perhaps but Dionysian in method (aside from a few endpoints in ambient black metal), and if you can’t excite the body, nothing else you do is going to work. It’s the modern post-Necros Christos bands trying to copy Incantation without hearing the secondary groove created by the rhythm of note changes that are missing the stomp; they don’t realize the the attack needs to be unified in body and mind, and so they make limp, dull music.

                    If you think “Deathcult…” and “Farseeing…” are The Chasm’s only relevant albums, you really need to go back to “Procreation of the Inner Temple” and “Conjuration of the Spectral Empire”. Similar with Cenotaph’s demos.

                    1. The Immense Malignancy riff plays a standard 16th note low string but breaks on the fourth note of each grouping to build tension towards two different minor scale tails that are in C and C#.

                      The Massacra riff builds tension towards the insane riff accompanied by the scream.

                      The piece of time riff emphasizes the changing bass notes as it increases by a tone and a half creates contrast against the broken arpeggio.

                      On They Slay, repeated twice and it once again leads towards a crazy riff.

                      Morbid Angel,Demigod and Suffocation would shift the key by a semitone or two to make the open string an integral part of each melody as it would become the 7th or 6th degree played an octave lower.

                      Without going through each song it is obvious that none of these constitute the backbone of the song and serve either as a deviation or to build tension to a much faster riff and exist within the context of a melody.

                      The melody utilizes the rhythm to accentuate these notes and to push the song forwards. I do agree that the music is Apollonian and it does require rhythm to function but it’s not the backbone. Look at every slam band that has made albums based on Suffocation rhythms. They are terrible because it’s just basic chromatic descents and the focus is shifted towards those rhythms.

                      I will research the Chasm’s and Cenotaph’s earlier material though I remember Procreation being confused due to the number of ideas that aren’t coherent with the songs.

                      Obituary did not just use banal melodies to support the rhythm but they alternated freely between minor scale ascensions and chromatic ones and had a fairly complex sense of melody despite the simple riffs. Baphomet on the other hand did fall prey to utilizing rhythm over melody at times but they managed to intersperse those moments very well.
                      The initial point I was making on that piece was that Imprecation used the chug without melody as a focal point and a device to connect two disparate sections which is a much more modern innovation. Riff A 000-000-00-000-00 riff B

                  2. Cynical says:

                    And, before I forget, Mortuary had a second worthy album that moved further away from the speed metal influences:

              2. Cynical says:

                And, since I know I’m coming off a bit harsh above, just to be clear on something here — I don’t say any of this to denigrate the work you do here as an editor. The knowledge and experience comes with time; something you’ll naturally gain as you get older. I made plenty of similar mistakes myself during my younger years.

                Speaking for how things were during my tenure as an editor in these parts, the goal of this site wasn’t simply to create good content; rather, giving people useful experience at analyzing (and thus understanding) art (and, in the process, becoming a clearer thinker in general), and also giving people tasks that would develop their technical and professional skills, was a major goal. The editors were the product as much as the articles, and knowing how Brett likes to operate, I doubt that’s changed any. As such, I fully support what you’re doing here — your analysis shows a lot of potential, and you’ll gain experience faster here than you would just as a casual listener. But, you did ask who was doing better, and there’s folks out there who have the advantage of decades more experience that provide us with an answer.

                1. You are claiming I made mistakes and then go on to define the earlier generation of Death metal as being staccato oriented rhythm bands without even explaining why even though I don’t see how anyone could agree with such a statement. I admit I make mistakes and do genuinely appreciate your advice though I don’t agree with it all. As much as I love ODB and follow his Death metal competition closely though like you said it is slow. I will look up Hate meditations and the current hope to match the level of our predecessors.

            2. “Another that I find by scrolling down is talking about what “Necrophagist found success with in the early 2000s”; the material by them that people (idiots) liked was done in the ’90s.”

              While I personally always disliked this band’s music, their only two albums were released in late-1999 (i.e. the very absolute tail-end of the 90’s) and 2004. That seems fair enough to characterize them as an early-2000s act.

              As for that other stuff, all I can say is idk man i didn’t write that lol.

              Guess it depends on your personal definition of these things. For instance, I’ve seen people around the DMU-sphere (not necessarily writers) say that Seven Churches and Scream Bloody Gore, and similar early “Speed Metal”-influenced records aren’t “really Death Metal”.

              1. Cynical says:

                By the time Necrophagist’s second album came out, they were already on the way out; the fans of that style had already moved on to the likes of Decapitated. What really put Necrophagist on the map was the second demo, released in 1995.

                As far as speed metal influenced albums “not really being death metal”, there’s a reason why older versions of this site classified Slayer as death metal and listed the first Sepultura album as the #5 death metal album ever. Death was frequently said to not really be death metal not because of the first album, but rather because of their releases from Spiritual Healing and later.

                1. Creed Braddock says:

                  You have a good sense of lineage but the bit about Necrophagist is simply not true. No one in a significant sense cared about the band until Relapse put out their second album and re-released their first. It was only then that the shift in modern tech-death happened, where bands substituted scales for riffs and sweep-picking became a staple in rhythm guitar parts as opposed to just solos. The superficial adornments of the band were so striking to the ADD generation that the entire basis for the deathcore genre can essentially be traced back to Epitaph, where the lack of a creative voice didn’t matter in writing as long as you threw in some scales around some open chugs. This isn’t really the fault of the band entirely as there is more to Epitaph than what deathcore is just like how there is (slightly) more to Slaughter of the Soul than what metalcore is. Either way, had the band stayed in Morbid records or quit after the demos, you would not in the slightest see their influence on modern metal, and you certainly wouldn’t ever see a stretch-lobed lemming wearing their shirts either.

                  1. Cynical says:

                    When I was first getting into “underground” metal but hadn’t really found my way past the funderground in 2001, people were already talking about how “Onset of Putrefaction” was a classic; by the time “Epitaph” came out, everyone was talking about how shitty they were. The hype train around that band was definitely around before the Relapse years

        2. Thewaters says:

          Can you provide a link for this Hate Meditation site?

  7. lol says:

    I don’t know anything about him but he looks fairly handsome actually. I’d even say he could do better than her, and the fact that he still settled displays some kind of integrity. Again, I’m not butting into this important conflict, just wanted to throw my 5 cents into this looks competition.

      1. lol says:

        No this isn’t Joe actually, though it would be funny if it was. If I was him the comment about the wife would be pretty weird.

        The fact remains though, there’s nothing wrong with his looks. I even thought it was you when I first saw his picture in the other article, like, “Here’s me pondering my editorial”.

  8. NWN War Metal Tranny Rapist says:

    This guy is a faggot! You rape shemales not marry them! GAY!

  9. Thrash is better than Black or Death says:

    This is what I dislike about social media especially in western/first world countries. Needless slander and drama, and bad feelings all around because we don’t have enough sense sometimes to not air our dirty laundry in public.I sure know what it feels like to be attacked by a community member on his blog.At this point, Nick, you said what you had to say, let it go, this won’t end well for you or him if you continue on this path.

    1. Flying Kites says:

      Yeah, perhaps enough of us maniacs will suggest that Joe go take a spill and it will really happen. That this being suggested on DMU would be terrible in the eyes of Authority. Joe might even just kill himself and raise this site’s notoriety.

  10. Richard Roma says:

    As disgusting as these PC/Blastbeat network/metal Gawker sites are, you’re not doing us any favors here, dawg. This petty drama makes you look almost as idiotic as the enemy. Focus on metal, drop the bullshit.

    1. When have we not given the goods, there are constant articles on metal. I am done with the guy, it’s all over and you will get some great pieces.

  11. left is the truth says:

    lol this is like a child molester calling a tranny a faggot. You were the one butthurt last time Nicholas, you were responding to every single comment like Sebastian Bach that one time he actually was stupid enough to sign into blabbermouth.

    1. Not butthurt, just rectifying the nonsense and idiocy spouted by a retard and his sidekicks. What has Sebastian Bach got to do with this. Dumbest comparison ever, go follow LostintheAnus’ advice.

  12. My favorite metal website, besides MetalSucks. Glad they don’t know the “classic” albums, those albums are all for racist neo-nazis liks you are.

  13. Cynical says:

    (Starting a new “thread” because the formatting has forced us out of replies)

    Imprecation are also using the reverse gallop in a melodic context most of the time on “Damnatio ad Bestias”, though, and not using it as a filler between riffs. Take the opening track for instance — not only are the 000s part of the melody (they demonstrate this by alternating which parts are done with 000s and which are done with downstrummed open-A power chord 8ths [which is the bottom string in this case, the band tunes down to A] on each repetition of the riff), but they even end the riff with 000-000-333-333-444-444 (or AAA-AAA-CCC-CCC-C#C#C#-C#C#C# if you prefer) on that string as the end of the melody. “Temple of the Foul Spirit” is the only song from the album I’ve learned how to play yet, so I can’t be as detailed going forward, but it’s a similar story on the next track, “Morbid Crucifixion” — it’s used as a stand-in for tremolo picking as a pedal-point, made clearer two riffs later when they play an expanded variation of the riff with an unmuted trem-picked open A acting as the pedal point (just like in the Monstrosity — “Immense Malignancy” example above). “Ageless Ones of None”, like the Suffocation example above, plays its reverse gallops on notes other than the root, incorporating them into the melody. Somewhat ironically, the only example of 000[repeat]-melody-000[repeat]-repeat melody that comes to mind quickly on the album is in the decade old song that you held up as the album best, “Baptized in Satan’s Blood”.

    (Also, off-topic, but I’ve always preferred the interpretation that most of the Morbid Angel “A” albums were written in major modes [particularly Lydian] with some usage of color notes, rather than the “pedal point isn’t the root of the scale” interpretation. Those songs are energetic revelries, with a “major” feel much of the time despite being a bit angular, and it also hews closer to Azathoth’s stated influences.)

    1. Tyrell Dahlstrom says:

      “and it also hews closer to Azathoth’s stated influences”

      Van Halen and Jimi Hendrix? lol

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