The idiots are at it again

Black metal was unique.

Most people are “unique” but have no actual direction or ideas, so they fake it with surface artifice.

They hate things like black metal, and want to destroy them if not outright, with mockery.

Mark Ames (email him) tries his limp hand at it:

The rise of the Black Metal movement in Norway is a case of humorless dirtheads taking a joke way too seriously. The joke was Satanic rock, which Lords of Chaos skillfully traces from its early origins in Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Coven (who transformed from performing black masses on stage to perpetrating the weepy hippie hit “One Tin Soldier”) to metal’s second big wave in the early 80s and the rise of kitsch Satan-rockers Venom. To our modern eyes, Venom looks the spitting image of Spinal Tap during their Smell the Glove phase, but to dirtheads who didn’t know any better, Venom was the long-sought embodiment of evil. It was from the Venom branch of evil-metal that all of metal’s more violent, “evil” forms descended, including Black Metal. – Exiled (all quotations from this article)

This charge could be leveled at metal lyrics in general, but this idiot doesn’t know his metal history.

Black Sabbath – War Pigs:

Now in darkness world stops turning,
ashes where the bodies burning.
No more War Pigs have the power,
Hand of God has struck the hour.
Day of judgement, God is calling,
on their knees the war pigs crawling.
Begging mercies for their sins,
Satan, laughing, spreads his wings.
Oh lord, yeah!

Old school heavy metal, like Black Sabbath and American speed metal bands: watch out, evil will destroy us!

NWOBHM, like Angel Witch and even Judas Priest: society is blown because moralism is false, let’s explore the occult.

This theme also showed up in progressive rock…

Had the author of this piece done even an hour’s research this would have been evident, but he thinks he’s being funny.

The point of Satanic rock was to scare the Normals while fucking with the minds of its pimple-faced, predominantly male (nerdoid) audience, who needed to create a counter-world, with counter-morals and counter-aesthetics, to empower the nerdoids against the cooler, more successful jocks.

Straight out of 1980s teen movies. We know what research he did do…

The humor and empty boasts inherent in Death Metal were lost on Norway’s youth. They took Death Metal literally, and quickly discovered that it wasn’t “evil” or “authentic” enough. There were too many “poseurs.” And more important, too few genuine corpses for a scene that claimed to be so obsessed with death and violence.

You’ve got it backward. Death metal embraced all of this stuff first; remember the news stories about how a murder victim had been found lying on top of a copy of Death’s “Leprosy”? How many early death metal bands drifted toward actual occultism, and endorsing some fairly evil stuff?

Black metal just wanted to make it fully real.

For one thing, Black Metalists are incredibly pedantic–as laughably pedantic as the worst jerks you knew in the college rock/punk/hardcore scene, and pedantic about the very same stupid things: who is more “genuine,” “authentic,” “extreme,” “on-the-edge” and in metal’s case, “evil.”

Dummy, you just said it was an ideological genre. Of course authenticity matters.

Indeed, every sad word of An End to Evil oozes Perle’s and Frum’s pained, wasted 60s youths: wasted in yellow sheet stains, wasted studying maps color-coded with spheres-of-influence, wasted memorizing German armaments, and college years wasted playing Risk in their dorms while the socially successful hippies frolicked and fucked all around them.

Wow, straight up Crowdist dogma: it doesn’t matter how effective you are, be sure to be SOCIAL! That’s what matters!

Should Black Metalists cut their hair and vote Bush-Cheney ’04? Dude, I think the answer’s pretty fuckin’ obvious. In fact, thanks to these guys, America has become the world’s first Black Metal Nation.

A sub-intelligent finish to a downright retarded (yep, like trisomy 21 — retarded people are dumber than normal people) article.

No wonder he is so threatened by black metal.

0 thoughts on “The idiots are at it again”

  1. Adrock McBodycount says:


  2. Negru says:

    Remember that girl I said I picked up at a club (well actually that was a different girl) and was having a date with?

    I just had sex with her. Enjoy your bad music and idiotic assbabble, aspies. Seriously if you’re going to let the best parts of life pass it by at least make it for something worthwhile and constructive.

    Oh, and I didn’t even read the article, not even the title, just saw that there was a new one.

  3. blaumph says:

    Wow, this Mark Ames guy is spot on. About time more people realied metal was actually originally created as a joke but people stupidly took it seriously. Look up Metal Machine Music.

  4. not a faggot says:

    Yeah, Black Sabbath said to themselves: “let’s play the heaviest and darkest music around, just to be funny”.

  5. Internatio says:

    Ames has one good point : he didn’t buy the official line on the war in Georgia, understanding that it was a proxy war with main responsability to the US.
    For the rest he’s your typical self-centered “apolitical” upper-middle class guy, he described his own youth this way : “I was a student at Berkeley in the late Reagan years. We had a lot of ideas back then, big dreams about getting famous and destroying the “Beigeocracy” that we thought stifled and controlled American Letters. Everything seemed possible then: world war, literary fame … Anyway, something Really Big, with us at the center of it all. We’d ridicule the boring lefties, our enemies. We’d drop all sorts of drugs and go to the underground shows: Scratch Acid, Husker Du, Sonic Youth. It felt like something might happen, and soon.”
    Obviously, he and his friends couldn’t get how that “something” could look dreadfull to many other people around the world, including the black metal crowd in their specific way.

  6. brutal slayer of christians, noble hessian warrior of death says:

    Oh man, the Exile! I remember that newspaper being the best satirical newspaper back when I lived in Moscow. Too bad Putin and his crew decided to put a stop to its circulation in 08. Their best sections were the articles on Russian culture and the best clubs for cheap alcohol/hot women.

  7. BURZUM IS GAY says:


  8. Screams of Anguish from Innocent Souls. A 2CD black metal tribute to those who fell at the Utøya Massacre. says:

    Out now: Screams of Anguish from Innocent Souls. A 2CD black metal tribute to those who fell at the Utøya Massacre. Featuring new and unreleased kult songs by Burzum, Darkthrone, Arcturus, Marduk, Wolves In The Throne Room and other respected black metal artists. All profits will be donated to the victims families and to the Norwegian Labour Party. Die hard bloodred splatter vinyl version limited to 2000 copies.

  9. Andrey says:

    Failed Hunter S. Thompson wannabe not knowing what to write about when on coke. Tries to be witty (smarming teh cool) and ‘realistic’ (read one-dimensional), succeeds in describing the oligarchic decadence he thrived in, but black metal, or anything vaguely idealistical, clearly is out of his scope; having read LOC alone does obviously not suffice to do this phenomenon justice, but this wasn’t aimed at clearly: this sad Ames looks for something to indulge in superficially. Wonder how he arrived at that 60ies comparison. Wanting to look sophisticated? Coke? At least points out how punk failed (personal experience it seems) and in the same turn condescends that black metal isn’t all that stupid for having come to the same conclusion. Oily little fucker, Putin should’ve sent the ape guards.

    Article nonetheless targets a cynical materialist audience, which won’t and wants not be helped out of its mindset, but wants reassurement and consumption, and is outdated.

  10. USMC says:

    Who’s the leader of the club
    that’s made for you and me?
    M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

    Hey there. Hi there. Ho there.
    You’re as welcome as can be.
    M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

    Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse)
    Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse)

    Forever let us hold our banner high.
    High. High. High.

    Come along and sing a song
    and join the jamboree.
    M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E
    Here we go a-marching
    and a-shouting merrily.
    M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

    We play fair and we work hard
    and we’re in harmony.
    M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

    Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse)
    Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse)

    Forever let us hold our banner high.
    High. High. High.

    Boys and girls from far and near
    you’re welcome as can be.
    M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

    Who’s the leader of the club
    that’s made for you and me?
    M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

    Who is marching coast to coast
    and far across the sea?
    M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

    Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse)
    Mickey Mouse. (Mickey Mouse)

    Forever let us hold our banner high.
    High. High. High.

    Come along and sing a song
    and join the family.
    M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

  11. lol @ metal aesthetics being borrowed from gay leather bars says:

    ““let’s play the heaviest and darkest music around”

    Hahaha, pretty sure no one considered it “heaviest and darkest” or was impressed, more like the lulziest music around. It was just a bunch of camp horror pastiche, I can’t believe people actually take that shit seriously. Same thing with Jacula, listen to that shit, hilarious.

    Other early metal:

  12. Asperger's Activism says:

    The whole point of black metal was to have fun, trends, mosh and core.

    Any other viewpoint is INTOLERANT and shall not be TOLERATED.

  13. brutal slayer of christians, noble hessian warrior of death says:

    Negruvoda is trying to get support from 4chan to get ATG to win in the BNR tournament. That is some major Aspergers there.

  14. pious slayer of hessians, noble christian warrior of life says:

    You browse 4chan. That is some major Asperger’s there.

  15. herp says:

    I wonder if Negruvoda actually does anything in his/her spare time that’s constructive. All I ever see is that username on metal sites trying to tell everyone how awesome faggot bands like Sonata Arctica are and then getting butthurt when no one agrees.

  16. Queero Mc Hungo @ Negru says:

    Hi there sweet buns! I knew I’d find u here! That night we had in ur appartment was godly! See I told u anal sex doesn’t hurt, and u were all worried baby! Now that ur not a virgin anymore I’m gonna show u wonderful things!

  17. Queero Mc Hungo @ BURZUM IS GAY says:

    No I don’t think so honey? I’ve been to thousands of gay clubs and u’ll never hear that rubbish played on a nice friendly club. Thank u for trying though but that distasteful noise is not for us. I know most metalheads really want to come out of the closet but they are too afraid, u dunno what ur missing!

  18. Dead whore says:

    Dead gay whore.

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