It is somewhat difficult to fail to enjoy the theory behind this holiday, even if — like everything in the hands of a human social group, committee, cult, clique, echo chamber, hug box, or hive-mind — it has been turned into an excuse for carnies to sell garbage to apathetic narcissistic morons.

Still, even as monists (those who deny discontinuity between the metaphysical and physical) we can appreciate the notion of a night when the worlds are closer than normal, like a solstice but designed for those things which should not remain dead to slip the bonds of the world of the dead, and rise to sodomize the weak.

America killed this holiday as surely as it created it. First, the candy now is not even real food. Second, getting guilt-tripped and gaslit into buying $200 of candy so you can hand it out to people not from your neighborhood has grown old. My guess is that most homes will be dark tonight.

But this does not mean that we cannot celebrate the day as is appropriate, namely with music and human sacrifice.

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13 thoughts on “Halloween”

  1. Metalheim says:

    The weak should be sodomized at every opportunity. Sodomy for everyone!

  2. Fren says:

    Happy Halloween Brett!

  3. Sodomize the weak says:


  4. RDS says:

    My biggest complaint about Halloween is how it locked entire generations into this perpetual state of childhood. It used to only be for kids, but then they got to be kids again in college and dress up again at college Halloween parties, then retaining this childlike state into adulthood with more costume parties instead of having children and living vicariously through them by dressing them up and letting them experience the holiday.

    Anyone who says “Halloween is my favorite holiday” is a perpetual manchild or a wannabe prostitute, useless to the world and unworthy of life. And yes I agree it’s time to turn off the lights, before the urbanites show up to get a peek at the inside of your home

    1. DefyInventor says:

      >>>Anyone who says “Halloween is my favorite holiday” is a perpetual manchild or a wannabe prostitute, useless to the world and unworthy of life

      It’s really an obnoxious trend. My parents never dressed up for Halloween. Their involvement in the holiday was peripheral and only for the sake of my sister and I.

    2. Irish Rabbits says:

      If it wasn’t Halloween, it would be something else, like Easter, or paint yourself green and get shitfaced day.

  5. Jiub says:

    $200 for candy? Sheesh, who’s your dealer? You need a new supplier.

  6. T Malm says:

    Who the hell buys $200 in candy?

    1. candy is a slang for cocaine

      1. T Malm says:

        Who the hell only buys $200 in candy?

  7. D.A.R.G says:

    American Halloween was always a ridiculous commercial holiday from the beginning.

    Halloween made sense in Olde Europe, where in some parts it was remembered as part of a natural cycle.

    YOUR Halloween was never more than Coca-Cola fodder.

    Don’t blame “diversity”. Blame ‘Murica!

  8. Another Americanized Ordeal says:

    They should just combine Christmas and Halloween already.

    Merry Spookmass ya’ll!

  9. Diplodocus says:

    Halloween in Europe is no more than a Coca-Cola made celebration day mostly just a excuse to party and get drunk, except for Ireland and UK. We traditionally celebrate All Saints’ Day.

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