23 thoughts on “How to shop for your metalhead this holiday season”

  1. Morbus 666 Interview says:

    Are music and image inseparable? In the realm of black metal, some view spikes, gauntlets and paint as a gimmick.

    Grimlord: If you play black metal and view this as a gimmick then you probably don’t play black metal. This image is what black metal is, and should always be, no matter what “clowns” come and make a travesty of the scene.

    source: http://beyondthedarkhorizon.com/main/morbus-666-those-of-the-devils-flesh/

  2. stupid says:

    Grimlord? More like Gaylord.

  3. Gaylord Cocksucker says:

    If you play black metal and don’t suck cock, you probably don’t play black metal. Cock sucking, anal sex, fisting, and HIV are what black metal is, and always should be, no matter what heteronormative bigots come and make a travesty of the scene by pretending black metal is about “transcendental philosophy”.

  4. metal is so fucking stupid, check out some jazz says:

    lmao grimlord

  5. metal and jazz are so fucking stupid, check out some big black juicy mandingo says:

    lmao autists

  6. Gimplord says:

    If black metal is about transcendental philosophy then Hungry Hungry Hippos is about logic and strategy.

  7. sun metal guy says:

    solar metal is about nigger faggots having nigger faggot sex

  8. outgrew sun or solar metal says:

    So tired of seeing all these retarded metal posts. Post jazz, interracial porn with big black dicks, or find a fucking cure for autism and stop wasting everyone’s time.

  9. Vajazzle Prosack says:

    If you’re not into interracial gay sex, this is the wrong site for you. We are all about big black, brown, yellow and white cocks duking it out in a pit while Opeth and Pantera blare. Wrestle first, then get oiled up and fuck like rodents.

  10. Conservationist says:

    I am a conservationist, really because I want to conserve teenage boys and their delicious cocks and tight bodies! Yes, there is nothing sexier than seeing two young hot guys oil themselves up and wrestle on the floor; big muscles, lots of sweat, and rock-hard boners with Pantera and other brutal death metal blaring out. I love that chocolate on vanilla too, a huge black cock tearing a young white boy’s ass and ripping him in two is a gorgeous sight.

    Really, this is truly what metal is about: hardcore bareback sex with piss for lube.

  11. brunhILDE FAN #1 says:


  12. lol says:

    cure for spergin’:

    -weed(for the paranoia)
    -the outdoors

    weed because the paranoia can be an intense trip where you finally realize that only death is real and you need to master this fucking world or die trying

  13. Blog CIA says:

    ^ hai2u MilltantIdiotCrusher!!!

  14. lol says:

    ^ there’s no doubt in my mind you’re a wizard.

  15. blog cIA says:


    your still spergin bro/

  16. Aspie Pride says:

    Autism is not a “disease” or “syndrome” but a lifestyle of high-IQ members of society who have rejected the trivialities and fallacies of modernity. We aspies reject all moral posturing and sentimentalism in favor of Aristotelian Rationalism so that we may discover objective truths of the Absolute Reality.

  17. Bill Whittle says:

    Hello I am Bill Whittle and I think I can cure not only hipsters but similar types, I really think I can.

    Here is the real video.


  18. Vajazzle Prosack says:

    “What’s the difference between high-functioning autism (SPRG!) and simply being an INTJ?”

    Inquiring minds want to know, my fellow faggots. We must meet for Turkish oil wrestling and two-arm arm wrestling (guess what the other arm is, ladies?!!? just guess?!!?!).

  19. Was that really so hard to parody, you faggots? says:

    Why don’t you have a boyfriend?

    Oh, shit. Wait. I know. It’s because you’re a wreck, both mentally and physically, and emotionally stunted. You think you’re better and more moral than every gay around you, and therefore rationalize your own homosexuality as a laughably absurd conspiracy theory wherein the world has misunderstood you because you’re somehow too edgy for the mainstream masses to understand.

    Or maybe you just tell yourself and others that you “hate faggots” in a desperate attempt to make it hurt less when you see yourself getting older, fatter, and more desperate for cock while those you look down on are adapting to suit their sexual needs, and accepting their sexuality while you childishly deny your own.

    Perhaps you have taken to telling yourself that homosexuals are only interested in “filthy buttsecks”, those who reside at the bottom of a moral scale that only you adhere to, and it is THIS rigid table of sexual identity that is holding you back, and allowing society to pigeonhole you. Perhaps you tell yourself that homosexuals who don’t share your very narrow range of hobbies and interests aren’t (or wouldn’t be) the same as you, and therefore do not even try to sexually engage them. In actuality these are all mechanisms that allow you to blame your own homosexuality on everyone around you, and project your own narrow minded perceptions onto the gay society as a whole.

    You instead choose the easy option of sitting at your computer all day, shielded by the anonymity of the internet, screaming abuse and nitpicking about the goals and achievements of homosexuals while arguing the tiniest deviation in the interests of your peers from your own with a startling lack of understanding and empathy. They are the only other people on Earth that you can fellate, and you hate them because they’re not as ashamed as you are.

    Oh yeah. That’s why you don’t have a boyfriend. I forgot, for a moment.

  20. Vajazzle Prosack says:

    If you make fun of homosexuality, or use it as a disparaging idea, you’re secretly afraid of your inner mangina that desires to flower open for cock like a submissive angel to Satan’s thrusting phallus, and thus you are actually a homosexual. Knock it off and join us.

    If you mock the African-American, or use racial slurs, you are secretly a homosexual who wants to be violated by the primitive and wild. Post your phone number here and I’ll have Shalimar contact you.

  21. Fuck off... says:

    God you guys are dumb…and racist…

  22. This entire website is designed to convert you to homosexuality. If that upsets you, you need to ask yourself why you’re afraid to stare up at a man with wide eyes, roll your tongue around in your mouth, and then swallow the tip and then shaft of his monstrous bulbous sex organ. Just sayin’

  23. would be the more appropriate title says:

    “How to grow your neckbeard this holiday season”

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