Medical misfortune has befallen thrash metal progenitors Slayer once again. Guitarist/founding member Jeff Hanneman reportedly underwent emergency surgery on his right arm late last month. He was diagnosed with having contracted necrotizing fasciitis — kind of sounds like a Slayer song, actually — a rare yet serious infection also known as flesh-eating disease. – Exclaim
Hope he gets through this intact.
I hope you both get penises rammed up your asses.
This never happened to any Gojira members because they are young men with a keen eye on their health and future, they are not middle-aged turnip-pickers who betray their bodily temples with the oily excesses of modern lifestylism like Slayer.
Looks like you just need to man up and realize Gojira are more suitable anus heroes.
If only this would have happened to Burzum, 21 years ago.
Oh this is terrible news! :(
I will be happy to rub lotion into his firm buttocks, and gently kiss his soft pink lips to make him feel better.
Stop your 12 years old rants and write us the lyrics to “Necrotizing Fasciitis” in the mighty Slayer style for a change.
If Jeff Hanemann is going to die, he should just blow himself up in the middle of a big crowd. Maybe do it at a white metal concert.
This is actually quite amusing. A member of a band that’s notorious for writing provocative lyrics gets eaten by a Satanic plague from down below. I mean, I love Slayer & all but seriously……:D LOL!!!
Disease is somehow satanic? Are you retarded?
If I just got trolled: OPPS…!!111
You’ve been trolled dummy.
Read the lyrics to “Epidemic”.
Who’s Slayer? Weren’t they the opening band for Slipknot once?
Having heard Metal after 2000 does not guarantee that others are losers like you. Nice try.
I should really stop posting.
You should really stop breathing.
I’m gay & think Foghat is the greatest band ever!!!!
They’ve replaced him with Gary Holt from Exodus. Can’t say I think its a bad match.
My bruised and battered rectum craves that holy communion of a SLAYER’s cock. JEFF HANNEMAN! I can taste your dick rolling over my tongue…
funny, I’ve heard that necrotizing fasciitis is used to cover up AIDS deaths on coroner’s reports
lol
hehe
HOW COULD THE BIEB NOT GET A FUCKING GRAMMY I MEAN COME ON, YOU GUYS SHOULD BE DOING AN ARTICLE ON THIS AND SHITTING UP THE GRAMMY FORUMS
Justin Bieber is literally anus’s ideal ubermensch. He does not hide his pale European complexion. Justin Bieber has not once fallen into the liberal, self-loathing trap of caring about the slovenly, the uneducated, or the poor. Justin Bieber has achieved fame (ie. power) before reaching puberty. And how? Not by winning the genetic lottery, but by taking advantage of social media. Furthermore, his songs promote the same heteronormative “get married to someone of the opposite gender and breed” dichotomies that anus supports.
Justin Beiber promotes Heteronormativity? Then he must be impaled by the mighty phallus of the bisexual god Odin!!
Man was created in the image of an androgynous God and therefore the higher state of mankind is that of bisexuality.
We are ushering in a new era of Bisexual Ubermensch!
Modern scientific endeavours will make ‘traditional’ methods of procreation (male/female) unnecessary. Heterosexuality will be mere curiosity, reduced to a footnote in history.
Men for men, women for women.
Yeah, homosex is awesome!! I have a nice black dildo up my ass right now!! Earlier today I fucked a big black thug called Mario, he let me lick dried shit off his balls. xx :)
Ok, everyone. It’s time to come out; all these recent posts about homosexuality – whether in jest or not – has made me realize I cannot hide my identity any longer. I am gay. I first got into Metal because it reminded me of the gay S&M scene I was involved in as a teenager – all that leather… Very sexy. Anyway, I hope this doesn’t change anything between us all.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1946780
The only plan, go out in a blaze of AKs.
The only plan, go out in a blaze of not posting.
POSTING AGAIN LOL
Guys, I just saw your mean comments on the Gojira guestbook, stop dissing In Flames!!!! We should go down in a blaze of AKs criticizing Korn and Disturbed….
poop
But I have one person I actually care to talk to. This is my social life.
I love poop and Gojira. am i cool yet, guise?
Is it cool if I discuss the blog post at hand? I don’t care for acceptance. Fuck you assholes.
HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
this is what happens when you namefag, kids
I get it. You assholes want this blog all to yourselves. Well, too bad. I’m not leaving. Though, what is namefag?
A namefag is a cum mustache after performing gay oral sex in front of a crowd of about 10 to 20 male college students.
PREPARE FOR THE LARGE BONER OF THRASH !! GO.. C´MON…PREPARE AWAY..
CHECK OUT MY REVIEW AT METAL-ARCHIVES.COM
check out my reviews too! i may be gay, but at least im also whiny and pretentious!
I doubt you guys are smart since you write reviews on metalarchives.
All 2039230230 of my reviews are like this:
it’s sorta ok i guess
What do you guys think of early Crumbsuckers , Ludichrist , Attitude Adjustment ?? Another question: what´s the difference between hardcore & crust-punk & grindcore.
thanks dudes
crust punk is hardcore’s darker and edgier brother, and grindcore was a fast and violent deconstruction of crust punk
So then, hardcore and crust punk belong to Punk music right? But if grindcore is a deconstruction of crust then it is still within the genre of punk. Why then would thrash and grindcore be Metal subgenres at all other than by hybridizing with metal? What makes thrash (crossover) and grindcore part of metal music’s ancestry???
I already said it on a post in the metal forum and they almost ban me for that: underground metal is more punk than metal!! This site screams PUNK not metal. Many readers here will not be able to tell you what the difference is between hardcore, crossover , crust and grind core!!!
Pounding a tranny’s ass can be fun, but taking it is better!
Sigh, know-nothings. Hardcore and crust are the same thing, they include bands like Bleeding Through, Hatebreed and Green Day.
Grindcore is basically really fast emo. Like Pig Destroyer and Mastodon.
If motorhead is speed metal then fuck punk. If motorhead is punk then fuck you.
Pathologist is sick. I heard their maine influences were jap pop. Did I answer correctly? Fuck you guys. Though Pathologist is still great.
Actually, Pathologist blows compared to Carcass.
Carcass are one of those bands where their imitators are actually better. Heartwork sounds like In Flames compared to Implaled.
Ok, Heartwork just plain sounds like In Flames period.
Why don’t you guys tell me what your favorite butt plugs are and I can see if they’re compatible with my anus.
hehe
So what does everyone think of the new Radiohead album?
I didn’t even like the old Radiohead.
But I guess I’m the only one here who doesn’t.
i just wanted to comment something
whoever reads this comments is a fucking emo faggot.
If you are still reading this…fuck your mother !
IF YOUR 555 I’M ICP
The new Radiohead is great, I love listening to it while my black BF rubs his cock against my prostate. :)
Radiohead is too mainstream for me. I listen to hipster bands like Darkthrone to boost up my indie cred. Now I’m going to take a dump in starfucks while I drink my jizz flavoured PBR.
“Ode to a Dead Nigger”
It is dead. Good.
LOL I’M SO EDGY. PLEASE YIFF ME.
I love Radiohead because I’m too uninformed to know where they stole their ideas
i was fukking a dead dog in the ass and he barfed green goo! i ripped one of his hind legs and rammed it up my anal-hole, i think i bled a little. i twisted the dog’s head so he would face me, his neck snapped. i smeared myself with my own blood and feces.
(now this qualifies to be copy&pasted into the Gojira guestbook)
Hey Prozak, did you know the Slayer guys called Slipknot the future of metal? How does that make you feel?
After my first encounter with the phallus of a Negro, I said to myself, “I’ve already fucked one animal, why stop there?” A friend of mine happened to have the biggest, handsomest German Shepherd I’d ever laid eyes upon. One day, when he was out of town, I went into his backyard to meet the creature. I smiled gleefully as he wagged his tail and licked my hands. I relished his warm, wet saliva as it coated my fingers. I dropped my pants, bent over, and covered my hole with Purina dog chow in order to whet the creature’s appetite. The dog bit into my sphincter greedily, and blood poured from my tender hole as I cried out in pain, and the dog’s canines continued to work their way into my bowels. I woke up several days later in the hospital, and after 32 stitches my anus was almost as good as new. However, my lust for doggy knot remained unfulfilled…
You’re making me hard, bro!
http://www.examiner.com/metal-music-in-houston/the-village-voice-recognizes-hipster-metal#comment-14505991
Hey muthafukkas where the hell is Adrian Mcocks ? yo adrian come back dog, this here blog needs more humor… yo Levy_Spearman my man, stop vandalizing the Gojira shitbook… yo Ultraboris your reviews are kinda cool but your taste in metal suck a little..
Harris, I hear you. I fucking hate the internet. Fuck this goddamn machine. I’ll miserable and lonely without text on a screen. Bye all. And fuck you.
Chew beef jerky up and spit it in my butthole. Outline my skid marks in permanent marker and drown me in midget bungle. Lick my nostrils squeeze my 1 inch and nail a hammer in my gooch.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. CRY SOME MORE, LEVY.
Hey guys, I’m just getting into this metal thing and I heard your site’s a great resource. I think you’re missing some bands in your archives, though. Ever heard of Iron Maiden and Soilwork?
Anyway, if you could point me in the direction of some really brutal death metal like Kreator that would be cool.
Hey Jason, if you wanna hear the heaviest metal ever created, you owe it to yourself to check out Pantera. Don’t forget about Slipknot, System of a Down, or Blind Guardian either!
—–Why am I spam blocked?
I heard that Kontinual loves Slipknot!
The funny thing is Levi_Dickspear actually recommended him some good bands that he would like. Way to be, aspie.
Hey anus guys I wrote a Judas Priest review for you. 1/4 of the review is about the music and 3/4 of the review is me praising Rob Halfords godly voice. Are you interested?
I’d be more interested if 1/4 of the review was praising Rob’s godly voice and 3/4th praising his godly man-meat.
What the…! Fucking UltraBoris, trying to steal my thunder. I JUST submitted a review about the new Meshuggah album. I find it kinda ok, i guess
I also have reviews of some other bands. 1/5 of those reviews are about the music, in the other 4/5 I compare them to Judas Priest and talk about how there will never be a greater vocalist than Rob Halford. Let me know if you guys wanna post them in the DLA or on the anus front page.
Dude, don’t pose. Yes, Rob Halford’s voice is great and all, but you cannot pretend to comprehend his sublime greatness if you’ve never taken his stiff metal rod up your rectum. Go forth, study, learn, be penetrated.
I doubt Rob Halford could fuck me as ferociously as my father did when I was young. I suppose being assbanged by a real rockstar must be a lot of fun. But let’s be honest there’s no bigger thrill than having your rectum torn by your own flesh and blood. Rob Halfords high shrieking is the sound my anus made during those long nights and that’s why I love Judas Priest so much.
oops, I microwaved a dildo and stuck it up my ass. Is this bad? I’m a little worried, guys. Any help from someone with expertise would be greatly appreciated.
YO Chevy_Priceman!
The DM lyrics you last wrote me were really fantastic….the whole thing about Cerubus devouring the MORON MASSES was fucking metal and cool!
Give me more, and I will post some riffs!
Im also the one who posted that you had a good heart and strong head on your sholdurs!!
Im uR biGgEst FAN!!!!!!
LOL YAY GO LEVVY!!!!!!!!!
LOL YAY GO BRUNHILDE!!!!!!
Im seriously am a HUGE Brunhilde fan. I really miss that bastard.
Im seriously am. Seriously.
lol @ noktorn
Who would win in a fight — Brunhilde or Levy_Spearmen?
Brunhilde you fucking prole.
Wrong, you wretched nigger peasant. Levy_Spearmen would sodomize her tender anal flesh within moments.
Hello, Chuck here. I came back from the dead to let everyone know I really did die of AIDS. I laugh at necrotizing fasciitis, those Slayer guys are pussies. Let me ask of you has your face ever swollen up and turn dark purple because of AIDS? Do you know what it feels like to have a festering boil inside your anus? Did you ever have neighbors who were aware of your pedosexuality and kept their children away from you? Neighbors who wouldn’t even let their kids continue playing in the garden after they spotted you jerking off and spying on them? Those narrowminded fascists! I think that as long as no children are hurt it should be fine and it doesn’t matter what you do.
Other than that I want to let everyone know that people who play in brutal death metal bands are just normal friendly people like myself. The same goes for Gojira btw.
Hey there Chuck!
Great to have you back, however, since were in the process of clearing things up (like the truths of your AIDS), I was wondering if you could elaborate as to how you thought you could blatantly rip off your peers POSSESSED and somehow also claim legitimacy to founding death metal?
That along with your christian conversion, and open homosexuality – how do you think know one noticed!! Are your fans deeply lacking in critical thinking skills, can we for instance call them outright retarded?
Please right back, Zombie Chuck
-your fan,
BRUNHILDE FAN #!
<3
What about Niggers? How do they fit into all of this?
I never ripped off Possessed. That’s a damn lie! The only band that I ever wanted to sound like was Pantera.
I also never claimed I invented death metal. That’s another lie.
It’s true that I converted to christianity but I made up for that by using the word “fuck” a lot when I was asked about this in interviews.
All metal fans deeply lack critical thinking skills. The whole notion of being a “fan” suggest you’re not critical at all and love everything about something.
Honey I wish I could have been an open homosexual. But back then the metal community wasn’t ready to accept that. Thankfully things have changed a lot since then and its no longer taboo to be a gay metal musician. Now all we need is to accept AIDS as a personal lifestyle choice and the metal scene will finally be as liberated as the German techno scene!
I hope that answers your questions. I think it’s cute that you called me Zombie Chuck btw. <3
Thanks for your answers Chuck. Im sure your fans and our readers will be very proud to have you back. I myself an eagerly awaiting the upcoming EP.
Now lets get into the nitty gritty, shall we? ;)
1) What are your favourite sex acts to preform on a foodstuff?
2) Please state the number of African American (AA) men you have had relations with
3) There has always been a longstanding tradition in your music (Death), and indeed, the heavy metal genre as a whole, of diversity of influences, anti-eletisim, tolerance of differences in sonic pallets, and egalitarianism, which I and many others attribute to your courageous and unique (And equally valid!) sexual orientation. Please explain how this has influenced Death music, such as in the gargantuan, stirring mood pieces such as “Pull the Butt Plug’ and “Ass and the Power it Holds”.
4) What is your favourite sex position to preform on 8 year old boys?
5) On a 12 year old boys?
6) and in closing, list 5 metal albums post-2000 that you think are significant in the continuation of this art form. Have you heard Deathspell Omega’s “Paracelsus”? Its really good bro!
Thank you very much, and its truly fantastic to have you back.
Long live chuck!! THE MESSIAH!!
1) I like to dip my balls in melted cheese, let it dry up and then watch the flakes peel off while I’m masturbating. I also enjoy doing the same with babyfood but I prefer melted cheese. The babyfood is nicer to smear in my buttcrack and then letting 12 year old boys eat me out.
2) Wow that would be a long list. I probably had sex with half of Africa, or at least half of the NBA. Strangely I find black women to be very unattractive, even more unattractive than I find white women. I’m not a racist though. I’m strongly against racism and I would have sex with a black woman no matter how much the female anatomy disgusts me because I believe in free love for all races and ages.
3) When it comes to lyrics and songtitles in Death’s music I’ve always followed a very simple rule: go with the flow! I just let the emotions flow and write down how I feel because in the end its all a part of me. I strongly believe honesty is more important than being polite and catering to the desires of a few “underground types” who just want Death to keep singing about zombies and murder. They don’t understand that it’s just a phase and after you grow out of it and come to terms with your sexuality then a whole world of topics unfolds itself and it would be silly to keep using flesh eating zombies as a metaphor for having your anal cavity ravaged by a stranger you just met in a park.
4) Me on top of course. Dominant as always!
5) See 1)
6) The last metal band I listened to was Linkin Park. I enjoyed them very much in my final hours. I guess after I died I just lost interest in the genre all together. I don’t even have any desire or ambition to make music anymore. But thankfully I’ve found a new way to influence the metal scene. Through the power of Kabbalalistic rituals I’ve found a way to influence the minds of other important metal artists! I’ve focused all my energy on the Norwegian black metal scene because it was the most homophobic and racist. Eventually I succeeded in controlling the actions of people such as Fenriz from Darkthrone and Chris from Burzum. So if you want to know where my legacy will continue you know where to look now.
That’s all the time I have at the moment. Thanks for your interest! Keep the spirit of metal alive!
Posting like this is pretty much the most cliched and virginish thing you can do, congrats metal fans
Don’t pretend you’re a virgin Chuck you liar.
ENCORE !! ENCORE !!!! HAHAAHAHAHH THIS INTERVIEW WITH CHUCK WAS THE BEST,,, WE SHOULD SEND IT TO HER SISTER… HER EMAIL IS ON THE LETTERS” PAGE !!!
Disregard My Polyps!!!@!@!