METALLICA fulfills promise to displeasure of former fans

LOS ANGELES – In the wake of increasingly insipid albums and unprecedented overexposure for Bay Area quartet Metallica, many former fans have realized to their horror that the band’s 1983 promise to neither stop nor quit has turned from a blessing to a curse.

“Man, when ‘Kill Em All’ came out, I wanted that band to last forever,” recalls ex-Metallica supporter Dave Lathrop, “That song ‘Whiplash’ was like a covenant between the band and the fans — ‘we’ll never stop, we’ll never quit, ’cause we’re Metallica’ — that they’d always be there. Who knew that they’d actually make good on it?”

Metallica, who have repeatedly maligned their valued legacy in metal music with songs such as “Ain’t My Bitch” and a squishy sonic turd on the “Mission Impossible 2” soundtrack, continues unabated and are currently in the middle of a new tour in support of their obnoxious new album, “Death Magnetic.” With no reported plans for the band to retire, original fans of the band’s pre-1990 releases are despairing of ever seeing an end to it all.

“I know what they said,” states former fan Jim Dooley, who has hated Metallica for the past 18 years, “Yeah, ‘Cause we’re Metallica’, I got it. So when are they going to fucking stop already? Christ.”

by Consvming Impvlse

0 thoughts on “METALLICA fulfills promise to displeasure of former fans”

  1. bzkrt says:

    Metallica died under a tourbus in 1987

  2. Voice of Reason says:

    This has got to be the most pathetic excuse for a blog if I ever saw one. You closed minded fucking asshole(s), find something productive to do with your time other than to criticize a band that you’re clearly just jealous/ pissed that they actually made it passed their first 3 albums. Stop bitching about ever since cliff died Metallica has “Sucked”. Whether or not cliff had died, I fucking doubt their career would have changed to the point that they never became mainstream. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, but seriously, It’s been more than a decade; get the fuck over it. If Cliff where alive today, he’d be fucking proud of Metallica and where they are. They made it a hell of a lot farther than any of these shitty fucking Black Metal bands; which is a sad excuse for music.

  3. Pedro Henriques says:

    Why is there so much hate for Metallica? Your all a bunch of stupid asses. Metallica are the greatest and will be forever. No band will replace them ever. Metallica has never died and never will. Why should they retire??? Why???? Why have you had enough of Metallica????? Why??? Without Metallica, Metal wouldn’t exist today. Get a life all of you. You form a band and do what they have done…Retards

  4. deadgearhead says:

    HAHA It looks like there are still a few junior high schools that haven’t yet blocked at their ISPs.

  5. Voice of Reason says:

    Actually, you fucking asscunt; I’m well out of Junior High. Why don’t you go get laid instead of sticking your dick into your hard drive.

  6. just saying says:

    Hahahahaha Idk this shit ridiculus.. can u say 5 times 1st billboard in a row who the fuck else has huh yup no one not even underground ppl can come over ground cuz it sucks
    and some other great shit but idk just my opinoin. Stop hateing bitches just making em look good

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